第一次发帖，望德克斑竹修改！！！

lovesarah

恳请德克斑竹修改！！

How do movies and television influence people’s behavior?

In modern society, movies and television have become an indispensable part of people's life, an excellent relaxation tool, and a good company with which people can kill their time. After a whole day's exhausting work, some people choose to lean back on sofa, turn on their TV set and search for their favorite programs. Meanwhile, some other people manage to update information by watching the news and reports on TV about politics vicissitude and the rapidly changing business world. Undoubtedly, movies and television have exerted substantial influence on the whole human world.

On one hand, movies and television provide an important way for people to relax. Competition in today's society is fierce and stressful, which literally increase the burden on people. Though there are also more and more job opportunities in the work force market, competition become more and more competitive too. More severely, the increasing speed of salary can not catch up with that of the consumer price. Therefore, we have to face a lot of challenges and strive to earn a living in my country. Fortunately, the relaxing methods become plentiful due to the development of the whole society which we can use to entertain ourselves and forget the working and studying pressure temporarily. And movies and television play important roles in it. Thanks to the program producers in TV station, we can enjoy various programs in terms of comedy, drama, TV series, talk shows and so on.

 On the other hand, just as what I have mentioned above, TV and movies virtually shape our understanding of what is right, and influence on our perception of the truth. In other words, since more and more people rely on TV or other forms of mass communication Medias, watching news and reports, in order to get to know what’s going on in the world, the way of these news and reports are narrated in is critical for the formation of people's views. Let’s see how these things happen. The news and reports are all commonly drafted by journalists themselves under the so-called objective principle, which is the most important principle to them. Nevertheless, because of different perspectives those journalists hold and their diversified understanding to the world, it is quite difficult for them to withstand the affection from their own minds and remain impartial when narrating an event. As a matter of fact, people’s judgments of events will be affected by the journalists’ views for their lacking accesses to the details and truths directly. Journalists have opportunities to tailor the information they get and put in their personal opinions in an invisible way. Especially, if some journalist is welcomed by most of the people in the country, where everyone like to watch his/her comments on news events, it is possible that all the people will be instructed by the solitary opinion of that journalist consequently.

 Therefore, based on our discussion above, we can easily draw the conclusion that TV and movies have a complicated impact on people's behavior. They are important tools that can entertain people properly, while, on the other hand, they also shape our understanding to the whole world by prevalent views journalists provide. And we should keep a sober mind on it.

[此贴子已经被作者于2008-1-4 15:51:24编辑过]

zengzheng

On one hand应该是on the one hand

lovesarah

啊。是啊，我都没有注意到，谢谢楼上阿

alexchongyp

a lot of errors.

and the words selection is weird

lovesarah

阿？是吗？能不能帮忙修改一下啊？谢谢了

amorela

movies and television have become an indispensable part of people's life, an excellent relaxation tool, and a good company with which people can kill their time

这里突然出来个good company好奇怪,跟什么词对应???movies and television吗?根本不搭配.

azacarrie

Though there are also more and more job opportunities in the work force market, competition become more and more competitive too.

貌似这个句子和整个段落的陈述没啥联系哦，建议删调

guolinwen

In modern society, movies and television have become an indispensable part of people's life, an excellent relaxation tool, and a good company with which people can kill their time. (this is your opinion plus supporting points, so better moved to the end of this paragraph) After a whole day's exhausting work, some people choose to lean back on sofa, turn on their TV set and search for their favorite programs. Meanwhile, some(x) other people manage to update information by watching the news and reports on TV about politics(al) vicissitude and the rapidly changing business world. Undoubtedly, movies and television have exerted substantial influence on the whole human world.

On one hand, movies and television provide an important way for people to relax(people w/ an important relaxation). Competition in today's society is fierce and stressful, which literally increase the burden on people. Though there are also more and more job opportunities in the work force market, competition become more and more competitive too(this is more like contrary to the previous sentence. make an upperlevel discussion, if you can't, delete it).  More severely, the increasing speed (increase) of salary can not catch up with that of the consumer price(sky rocketing rise of price). Therefore, we have to face a lot of challenges(stresses, be careful since challenge is a positive term) and strive(struggle or suffer, just based on the same reason) to earn a living in my country. Fortunately, the relaxing methods become plentiful due to the development of the whole society which we can use to entertain ourselves and forget the working and studying pressure temporarily. And movies and television play important roles in it. Thanks to the program producers in TV station, we can enjoy various programs in terms of comedy, drama, TV series, talk shows and so on. (this is good but it does not have a strong coherence)

 On the other hand, just as what I have mentioned above(where? I can't see it), TV and movies virtually shape our understanding of what is right, and influence on our perception of the truth(unbalanced parallel). In other words, since more and more people rely on TV or other forms of mass communication Medias, watching news and reports, in order to get to know what’s going on in the world, the way of these news and reports are narrated in is critical for the formation of people's views. Let’s see how these things happen. The news and reports are all commonly drafted by journalists themselves under the so-called objective principle, which is the most important principle to them. Nevertheless, because of different perspectives those journalists hold and their diversified understanding to the world, it is quite difficult for them to withstand the affection from their own minds and remain impartial when narrating an event. As a matter of fact, people’s judgments of events will be affected by the journalists’ views for their lacking accesses to the details and truths directly. Journalists have opportunities to tailor the information they get and put in their personal opinions in an invisible way. Especially, if some journalist is welcomed by(appealing to) most of the people in the country, where everyone like to watch his/her comments on news events, it is possible that all the people will be instructed by the solitary opinion of that journalist consequently. (Overall, if the composition wants to describe the positiveness of tv/movies, the author should not spend so much time narrating the effect a single commenter might bring to the public because it is more like a negative effect. However, if the author just wants to stay this way, plz do adapt your opinion in your opening statement)

 Therefore, based on our discussion above, we can easily draw the conclusion that TV and movies have a complicated impact on people's behavior. They are important tools that can entertain people properly, while, on the other hand, they also shape our understanding to the whole world by prevalent views journalists provide. And we should keep a sober mind on it.

lovesarah

感谢楼上的大虾！！！受益匪浅！

德克的猪

 

For one thing, movies and television offer ways
for us, who now struggle to win the brutal competition in modern world, to
relax. Though there are also more and more job opportunities in the work
force market, competition become more and more competitive too(这句话的逻辑有问题). More severely, the increasing speed of salary can not(cannot才是”不能”的正确写法
            ) catch up with that of the consumer
price. Therefore, we have to face a lot of challenges and strive to earn a
living in my country(这部分太冗长,其实对中心的论述的帮助并不大,所以可以简略.). Fortunately, the relaxing methods
become plentiful(plentiful是形容不可数的,这里可以说diverse) due to the development of the whole
society which we can use to entertain ourselves and forget the working and
studying pressure temporarily(到现在你都还没有和Movies
and TV扯上关系,这样是不可以的). And movies and television play important roles in it.
Thanks to the program producers in TV station, we can enjoy various programs in
terms of comedy, drama, TV series, talk shows and so on(论述一定要有what,
why, how,你缺失了how,也就是举例的这个部分.TOEFL作文里边的例子,几乎都是可以编的.你按照你的需要编造一个例子就可以了,可以十分的personal ).