独立写作12月1日机经题,请大家帮忙改改,谢谢.

海上钢琴师

没有计时写,并且经过了两次修改,

请大家看看,哪一些句子是可以留下来的,哪一些是要删除的,另外,结构上有什么问题,需要补充哪些.

谢谢大家了.

12.1你是否同意people should pay to use public transportation

 

 

We live in an era when things are changing so rapidly, that means our society seems to become an intricate system of interdependent relationships. There is no doubt that the public transportation has an indispensable effect on the transformation of means of human activity and sustainable development. In order to enjoy an excellent service, build more convenient public facilities, and maintain the transportation system, we should pay for the public transportation.

 

To begin with, the personnel of the transport industry provide the overall service. People who take enjoyment in the service should pay for it. Take my nephew, Suifeng, the marketing manager of a business company, for example. He rides the different transportation tools in light of the different circumstances. When he goes to the office, he chooses to take the bus or the subway. It is obvious that without the bus-driver, the subway operator and so on, he cannot arrive at his office 20 kilometers away from his home in due time. When he is on a business trip, he usually takes the taxi, train or plane
            if it is a long distance trip. Without great effort of the related staff, he cannot meet the clients and negotiate promptly. As we all know, "No pains, no gains." But the staff in the transport industry who provides the professional service for people should gain the reasonable payment.

 

Furthermore, it is noticeable that the foundation of the public transportation needs large quantities of supports such as financial power and human resources. If we build an airport, for instance, astronomical sum of money will be needed for this project. As a member of the society, people are obligated to pay for the infrastructure construction of the homeland which is crucial for the social progress and generation. The tickets people buy when making use of the transportation will be a part of the investment resource of construction of the traffic system, and accordingly the total transport system will supply the more efficient service. Therefore, this will form a virtuous circle. With regard to our social progress, the total payment is challenging. For that reason, people should make a payment for the tickets.

 

In addition, the wastage of the transportation system is surprising as a result of the people’s usage. Although the transportation corporation can insure the machines, the insurance policy cover most damage but not fair wear and tear to the machine under the circumstances of the normal maintenances. For example, the plane will be substituted after flying 20 years, the working life of a taxi is at most 7 years and the subway must be replaced if it is operated for more than XX kilometers. All the equipments above need the large amounts of fiscal support. Consequently, people should pay for the public transportation to furnish the construction of the public system.

 

Generally speaking, accompanying the economic construction, transportation increasingly plays a significant role in the economic development.  Now that the transportation professionals offer the people super service, the establishment of the transport system needs the enormous investment, and the related traffic departments must afford the upkeep of the transport system for its favorable operation environment, it is reasonable for the people to have tickets when they enjoy the traffic facilities. As a civilian do what one should do, it will turn out that the huge profits from all kinds of tickets are taken from citizen and used in citizen and the people can expect wider access to super service sooner than the anticipated without the payment of the tickets.

 

(588字)

等待您的指点，

谢谢。

海上钢琴师

顶一个,

同志们帮帮偶啊.

alics

又一个写八股的，没意思

海上钢琴师

楼上的,帮忙指点指点,

偶也想不八股,该怎么办呢

教一下哦,

谢谢.

alics

你在考场上是不会有时间写这么多的，写420个字左右比较合适，太多没时间检查。关键是内容，能不能在短时间内组织起充实的内容，用一些外国人都觉得别扭的偏词，难词没太大帮助。八股味不要太重的好。

alics

个人感觉在考场上最难的是在压力的情况下找到非常合适的能够充分支持你的观点的论证例子，好像句子啊，结构啊什么的反而不是什么大问题，经常感觉写的东东词和句子用得特别华丽，但是表达了一个特别狗屎的东西，纯属个人感觉

alics

            To begin with, the personnel of the transport industry provide the overall service. People who take enjoyment in the service should pay for it. Take my nephew, Suifeng, the marketing manager of a business company, for example. He rides the different transportation tools in light of the different circumstances. When he goes to the office, he chooses to take the bus or the subway. It is obvious that without (the bus-driver,) the subway (operator and so on), he cannot arrive at his office 20 kilometers away (from his home )in (due) time. When he is on a business trip, he usually takes (the taxi, train or plane)
            if it is a (long distance trip). Without great effort of the related staff, he cannot meet the clients (and negotiate promptly). As we all know, ("No pains, no gains.")(seems irrelevant) But (the staff in the transport industry who provides the professional service for people)(not concise enough) should gain the reasonable payment.

  个人感觉本来文章可以组织得更好，但是过多的累赘用法让人感到有点多余，像“ in light of the different circumstances”，“without the bus-driver, the subway operator and so on”，“ the taxi, train or plane
                if it is a long distance trip”，“the staff in the transport industry who provides the professional service for people”这些句子都太罗嗦了，因为你前面就说得很清楚了，后面应该多用合适的代词或更简洁的词语，这样多余的都给砍掉，留下更多的空间去对例子深入，例如为什么基础建设为什么必须由政府负担,而基础建设投资与你使用公共交通之间的联系等等。简洁，简洁再简洁！不要画蛇添足~~~~个人的一点小看法            

海上钢琴师

得楼上兄弟相助,很开心.

非常感谢alics的解答,偶要好好想想你的分析,很有道理,偶按照你教的,再改一篇出来.

再贴在这里.

ALICS辛苦了.