马上就要考试了，感觉作文还是很烂，写了一篇跪求大家往死里批！

zhl19831028

马上就要考试了，心情很紧张，感觉作文还是很烂，都不知道要写些什么，写了一篇跪求大家往死里批！

 题目是：人们为什么选择上大学，也就是185篇中的第一道题

 

Nowadays, the number of people chosing to attend college or university after high-school is dramatically increased. I think there are several reasons. People tend to go to college or university for career preparation, self-independence, experience increasing.

Preparing for future job is the utmost reason for most people to attend college. Before college studying, what they have learnt is far from enough for future job. In the college, they can attain new skills for future careers. At present, the job market is competition, and the tendency is the competition becomes more fiercely . Usually large companies prefer to chose people who are knowledgeable, as a result, the one who has a better knowledge is easier to get a job  in large companies.

Secondly, attending college makes people more independent. Before college life, many people never leave their parents for so long and so far, They live with their parents, depend on their parents to do everything for them ,such as arranging time, taking care of their everyday lives, and parents are always willing to do so, doing  everything for them, prearranging everything for them,what the children have to do is just following and studying. But when they attend the college, things change. They are far from their parents, they have to take care of themselves , washing clothes , arranging time ,making decision , so on so forth. This makes them become independent.

Thirdly, they can increase their experience through college lives. For most students, they never share room with anyone else before going to college, so they may lack of the capacity of dealing with other people. But in college, there are always more than one people in a room, so they have to learn how to get on well with other people, which is good for their future communication. Additionally people in the same room may come from different cities or even from different provinces, they have different experience and different customs which they can share with others. Through this, they can increase their experience.

In fact, people attend college for many reasons, what I have said above is just a small part.

lt39619

没仔细看内容，就看了看构架。。提点小意见。

象nowadays这个词最好就别用了，实在是太多人用了，貌似以前在哪里看到说ETS的RATER一看这次就反胃的说。。

然后最好first,secondly,thirdly不要在一篇文章中同时出现。。。反正OG上的高分范文没一个这么用的，低分反而有几篇都是这种模式。也是一个原因，这样显得很死板

iamtx0813

1.第一行的is increased改为has increased;另外，相信你想说的是人数剧增吧，不妨把dramatically改为drastically;

2. and the tendency is the competition becomes more fiercely 改为and the competetion is becoming increasingly fierce.

3.They live with their parents, depend on their parents to do everything for them.首先，这种作文里尽量多用副词，不妨改为They live close with their parents;然后把depend on 改为relying on.

4.最后千万要注意，安排时间是对时间做预算，所以统统改为budget time.

weiyufeifei

1.The job market is not competition, but competitive. A little change in the  struction may make the sentence more effective.

2.In addition is better than additionally.

3.Pay attention to the usage of punctuation which shows the smooth flow of your idea.

zhl19831028

这段时间家里的网断了，所以不能上网了，今天看到了大家的提的宝贵意见，非常受用！

恩，以后会好好改进我的作文，谢谢大家了！