IBT 作文一篇献上，请大家多多批评。

Lujs8061

                                         Has television destroyed communication among people? 

   We always can hear such complaint from wives that "he sits in front of the television directly after coming back from company without any move and focus on all the programs including football match, news, drama and so forth, just except me! Oh, the television is depriving every moments of us" So it seems to be plausible to conclude that television destroyed and destroying communication among people. The fact is we should not come to this assertion from the surface of the event hastily, but further analysis is needed to justify whether the television destroyed communication.

    Television, most remarkable product of industrial age, is such a fantastic invention that it is hard to imagine what the life will be if it would had never came to us. In the old time, the country where you live stands for the whole world. Admittedly, the television give us the opportunity to knowledge a new world where exist with different kinds of people under diversified culture. Nowadays, media workers strive their whole life to make the television program prosperous enough that more and more people are attracted by it and spend lots of time on this new entertainment. As a result, it will harm the positive communication among family and friends more or less. But is the television the real factor that destroyed communication among people? Tempting as such claim might be, it is hardly true.

    In my opinion, the core reason is the increasing pressure of modern people from various directions than their counterpart in the past. People have no time to go outside to smell the roses of life even if they have already exhausted enough and need relaxation terribly. Television can meet this demand. It makes us possible to relax and enjoy ourselves in some extent at home without even one step and a coin. People will become happier after they release the stress through this activity, and create more harmonious family environment further. Hence, from this side, we can say that families benefit from television but not harmed by it.

    On the other side of the coin, could we guarantee that husbands will stay at home if there is not television? The answer is "No". They are likely to go outside to relax, such as gambling and alcohol for example. People always find a way to do what they want to do. Therefore, I can hardly agree that television has destroyed communication among people. It is merely among many other factors that effect communication and is definitely not the main cause of degradation. 

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-11-12 22:46:25编辑过]

往事如风

说话可能直接了点，也不一定正确，但是我个人觉得LZ的文章似乎结构有点问题

感觉文章重心都在说废话（当然也不算是废话，但是前面的那些过渡说的太多了）导致主体论述的过少，整篇文章看起来就很不协调

另外，在第三段的论证过程中逻辑也有点问题。整个就是论证电视满足那些有压力的人的需求。而没有论证不是电视导致人们交流过少，而是人们现在承受过多的压力。

其三，我觉得，结尾也有问题。

建议楼主多看看文章结构。和注意论述的逻辑

个人意见，如有不对的地方请见谅

Lujs8061

恩，批评有理！其实写的时候也觉得结构有些紊乱，但就是没仔细琢磨，谢谢！

希望大家的继续拍砖。

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-11-13 9:36:01编辑过]

alexwithibt

看了第一段. 改了一下.

We always can hear such complaint from wives that "he sits in front of the television directly after coming back from company without any move and focus on all the programs including football match, news, drama and so forth, just except me! Oh, the television is depriving every moments of us" So it seems to be plausible to conclude that television destroyed and destroying communication among people. The fact is we should not come to this assertion from the surface of the event hastily, but further analysis is needed to justify whether the television destroyed communication.

 

(We invariably hear moan words from a complaining housewife that TV deprives her intimacy with husband. This scenario even everyday occurs that husband constantly sits with a bottom beer in front of TV after returning home; So appealing is the football match that husband ignore comfort his exhausted wife. Hence, less communication between spouses will inevitably loose tight connection of marriage. It is seemingly true that TV play a negative role undermining communication. However, from my perspective, ……………. )

往事如风

感觉alexwithibt语言功底好强