ChaseDream
搜索
12下一页
返回列表 发新帖
查看: 1755|回复: 11
打印 上一主题 下一主题

值得一拍的作文!--处女拍哦!

[复制链接]
楼主
发表于 2007-10-25 01:19:00 | 只看该作者

值得一拍的作文!--处女拍哦!

我28号上战场。至今作文没有练习过。到今晚才知道昨晚大概怎么考法。

特练笔作文一篇,希望各位达人帮忙指正,以免我不解考官之意,在考场上翘辫子死得很难看!

大家一定要帮忙拍一下!因为我实在没时间复习和练习了,这个是我第一次写,估计也没有时间写第二次了!

题目是说:是应该和similar的人结婚还是different的人。

我的作文:

The most  desirable and admirable marriage tends to be a marriage that is sustainable, endurable and full of supports form both sides. Just like the marriage in the pattern of my parents', the two similar ones fell in love, got married and then spent the rest of their lives, which is typical enjoyable marriage, at lease to me.

 

The key to their happy marriage could be attributed to the similarity between them, which i think also works to all the other marriage because the similarity between them has been playing an indispensable role in their relationship. It is something like oil, booster or even the additive to make food taste better.

 

We can never deny the fact that similar person always share mutual experience and have the same expectation for life. This means, they will fall in love much easily than people who have quite different characters. What would you like to do with the person you met at the first time if you just hold a contradictory view with his? Probably, you will argue, or at lease, you will not fell in love with him. However, the possibility for people who share the mutual life experience and hold the same expectation for life to have a romance is much greater. It will also facilitate their talk and makes their communication more smooth, funny and impressive to each other as well.

 

When people get married, the following problem they would be faced with is to keep the relationship, say, the marriage going both smoothly and endurably. How could two people who tend to quarrelling with each other achieve this? It's unimaginable. Difference people will encounter with such problem as argument, quarrel or even fight, which could be fatal to marriage. Probably, the relationship would have to end up with divorce.

 

Those who are similar to each other have more inclination to have a sustainable marriage than the couple composed by two of different characters, because they will have less argument, more harmonies, which all lead to a more smooth relationship. Within such relationship, the marriage tends to be last lone and the promise of ";love you forever" will be realized with a higher possibility.

 

I, to some extend, envy my parent's marriage because they seldom quarrel with each other. When I go deep into their relationship, I noticed the key to their success is the similarity between them. Everyone is looking for a smooth and long-lasting relationship. My suggestion is that you look around for those who have marriage for long and you will find most of them are similar to each other.

 谢谢大家指教!真的来不及了!!!!

沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2007-10-25 09:37:00 | 只看该作者

怎么没人理我?

板凳
发表于 2007-10-25 09:57:00 | 只看该作者

 LZ,我来理你了,however.........我的作文也就20分水平。所以不是达人,无从指正

你的masterpiece我就收下当范文了,吼~

地板
 楼主| 发表于 2007-10-25 10:05:00 | 只看该作者

谁告诉我一下,这样写对不对

我没有用first, second, third这样的词。

很担心的!

5#
发表于 2007-10-25 12:11:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用fafacaicai在2007-10-25 10:05:00的发言:

谁告诉我一下,这样写对不对

我没有用first, second, third这样的词。

很担心的!

没有这些词本身并没有关系. 但是, TOPIC SENTENCE IS STILL RECOMMENDED. 你得照顾到看卷老师. 整段意思清晰的话, 省了人家多少事啊, 对你的印象也会好些.

你这篇逻辑有点模糊.

另外, 同语反复有点严重. 多用些替换词.

6#
发表于 2007-10-25 12:16:00 | 只看该作者

文章中的小错误比较多. 写完以后一定要留出时间修改. 我改的不是很细心, 很多句子读着怪怪的, 但乍看之下没有语法问题, 我就没细究了.

"The most  desirable and admirable marriage tends to be a marriage that is sustainable, endurable and full of supports form both sides. Just like the marriage in the pattern of my parents', the two similar ones fell in love, got married and then spent the rest of their lives, which is typical enjoyable marriage, at lease to me."

1. Just like之前应该用逗号吧? 但这样的话整句太长了, 而且有两个意思.  所以, 句子之间没组织好.    另, from 拼错了.

2. It should be "a typical enjoyable marriage".

3. at least

"This means, they will fall in love much easily than people who have quite different characters. "

4. 句子中有than, 但是缺少比较级.

"What would you like to do with the person you met at the first time if you just hold a contradictory view with his? "

5. 时态不一.

6. How would you know it's "his"?  It will always be safer to use "his/hers".

"Probably, you will argue, or at lease, you will not fell in love with him."

7. It is "fall in love".

"Difference people will encounter with such problem as argument, quarrel or even fight, which could be fatal to marriage."

8. "Different"

"Within such relationship, the marriage tends to be last lone and the promise of ";love you forever" will be realized with a higher possibility."

9. "tends to last long"

7#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-10-25 13:02:00 | 只看该作者

你真是太好了!

一定是RP很好的人!我先顶你!再细看!

你觉得我这样上场会不会死?我没时间了呢

8#
发表于 2007-10-25 13:13:00 | 只看该作者

多少分叫"死"? 你作文功底不错, (可能自己也知道这点, 所以才没花时间吧) 但也仅止于"功底"不错. 如果能认真花点时间多练几十篇, 总结一下自己的模板, 词汇, 句型, 你的作文是可以飞速提高的. 只不知道现在还来不来得及.

就好象我们考司法考试, 非法律本科的反而经常比法本的通过率高很多. 原因就在于, 法本的通常"心里有底", 每每看到题, 都很有印象, 想当然地就选了. 但非法本的, 正因为他们没基础, 所以往往复习得比法本的更认真细致.

9#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-10-25 13:27:00 | 只看该作者

恩,你说的有道理

我们千万不能轻视任何东西

我一直把GMAT想的比较伟大,以为和G比T就是小菜

结果才这样。

大家要吸取教训,加油加油!要早做准备!!! 

我是一个逻辑不清的人,昨天写作文的时候自己也知道。都临晨了,迷糊得紧!

我只要作文能25以上就好!会不会很难?

10#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-10-25 16:59:00 | 只看该作者
自D一下求人给意见!
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

近期活动

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2026-1-13 22:48
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2025 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部