请高手们帮忙批改一下我的作文吧~!

alfredwong

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.

     In the universities, student can have different choices of what they want to learn based on what their intelligences are. Some are really out-going, so they will probably choose some sport activities. Also, some students are more focus on their own academic courses, so they will probably go to the libraries. The universities should spend the same amount of the money on the sports activities as the libraries because sport activities also benefit for the students.

     First, the sports activities help students to develop their skills of corporation. When students join a sports activity, like football team. They are expected to participate in a team with other students in this team, and play a game as a team. Since there is no individualism in a team, but corporation, everyone should know how to play together with helping each other to win a game. Thus students will learn the skill of corporation from the sports activity and this skill is also essential to the career they have in the future.

     Furthermore, taking the sports activities are good for students’ health. In nowadays, students are more focus on their study but don’t pay attention to their health, because they want to get a good mark. However, people cannot get a pretty good mark without the health of their bodies. Therefore, getting more exercise in the sports activities can help the students to reduce the pressure from the study and start to build up a healthy body, and the students will have more energy for their study.

     Therefore, sports activities can have many positive influences to the students physically and mentally. It can let students to live in a way that is healthy and not so stressful. Even in the future, they will still benefit from what they have learned in the sports activities, so the universities should spend equal amount of money on sports activities and libraries.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-10-23 14:16:27编辑过]

alfredwong

Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives. Which do you prefer?

 

 

     Based on our differences of lifestyles, some people love to moving around while others is more willing to stay in one place. Personally, I will prefer to move a number of times not only because of searching for a better job and house, but also in search of a better life quality and the opportunity to learn a new culture.

 

     Once you start to move, you will start to figure out which place will suit you more. To me, I have live in several different places. For example, I used to live in Chaozhou, which was a small town in Canton, China. It had a nice countryside view and lot of delicious food. However, the life in there was not want I wanted because there was few school that I could go and the schools were all far away, so for that reason caused my family to move to Guangzhou, which is a biggest city in Canton, and there we improved our life quality because there were not only lots of school, but stores and buses which all gave us great convenience to live.

 

     Furthermore, I also can learn new things when I move to a different place. After I moved to Guangzhou, I started to learn a new language called “Cantonese”, and along with this language, I found more and more Cantonese culture, like the food culture. Cantonese food, like Dim Sum, is really famous in that area and is kind of unique to other types of food. Sometime the Cantonese people will explain to me that how the food is made and where it came from, and besides the culture I knew from them, I also made friends with them.

 

    Thus moving around really gives me the opportunity to have a more deeper look at the world we are living right now, and also it give me the chance to meet a lot of people and make friend with they. The more I experience from moving, I will have a more clear understanding of the world.

alfredwong

请各位高手们实话实说吧(当然...中肯一点就最好了).....我还承受得住的....不过评完记得打个分啊~ 感激.....

JERRYzhong

还可以,但是要得注意到一些连贯性和语法问题,加油

壮帅男

4.5

guolinwen

This writing might be given 22/23. I just want to shed light on opening statement, the first supporting paragraph and the conclusion.

     In the universities(a university), student(s) can have different choices of what they want to learn based on what their intelligences(personalities) are. Some are really out-going(this personality is not related to his preference of sports), so they will probably choose some sport(x) activities. Also, some students are(x) more focus on their own academic courses, so they will probably go to the libraries.(the first part of the opening paragraph needs overhauling, otherwise it can't make the later part, which is your opinion, outstanding to the readers) The universities should spend the same amount of the money on the sports activities as the libraries because sport activities also benefit for(x) the students.
                

     First, the sports activities help students to develop their skills of corporation(check spelling). When students join a sports activity, like football team(you are exemplifying sports activities, so please give a term that can be incorporated into sports activities). They are expected to participate in a team with other students in this team(with other students in a team), and play a game as a team. Since there is no individualism in a team, but corporation, everyone should know how to play together with helping each other to win a game(this is not a logical reasoning). Thus students will learn the skill of corporation from the sports activity and this skill is also essential to the career they have in the future(plz try not to start a new sentence.)

     Therefore, sports activities can have many positive influences to(on) the students,
                        both physically and mentally. It can let students to live in a way that is healthy and not so stressful. Even in the future, they will still benefit from what they have learned in the sports activities, so(. In conclusion,) the universities should spend equal amount of money on sports activities and libraries.

guolinwen

and the second writing is more american. it will earn 25/26