作文求拍！9月29日考~ 谢谢大家了~

helen227

下周就考了，作文才开始准备，麻烦各位板油狠狠地拍一下，小妹先谢过了~~~~

 

agree or disagree that nowadays people are too much emphasized on appearance and fashion.

 

This is an age that people tend to run after fashion and try to make fashion by themselves. It seems that the fashionable and beautiful appearance is the first and most important criterion to judge a person. However, I support the idea that there is no need for people paying too much emphasized on appearance and fashion.

 

First and foremost, those who object to my point forget a universal truth that appearance and fashion is always conceivable. Because appearance and fashion is made by people themselves, it can be easily changed to hide the real side of the inside world of a people. Take a friend of mine for example. This girl is so fashionable that she changes styles of dressing almost every day to catch the trend. The first time people saw her, they always deem her as a professional fashion model, but in fact she is a student with major in science. In short, we could not believe on appearance and fashion.

 

Furthermore, another more essential factor why I advocate to decrease the emphasis on appearance is that good virtues of inner world is much more important than appearance. Supposing that a man full of fashionable dress speak and behave in an ugly and roughly way, what will people think about him? Undeniable, no one will appraise him handsome. At the same time, in many cases, we can see people with old fashion clothes behave in so elegant a manner and show their great goodness to others. I can not believe there exist one who look down upon such kind of people. Therefore, paying much attention on virtue inside is a better choice.

 

Finally, as a proverb says, "Each coin has two sides", some people might hold an idea that appearance is the first impression and information to judge a person. However, I think this is just an occasional one and it does not present frequently. For most time, we can learn a person by communication with him/her directly or get information from people who are familiar with him/her indirectly.

 

In conclusion, if all the factors are considered, the drawbacks of emphasis on appearance and fashion are obvious. From what has been discussed above, we can draw a conclusion that it is better choice to pay much attention on one's moral virtues.

helen227

自己先ding了，还请N人多多指教

helen227

谢谢大家，再顶一下

ansonzeng

个人觉得语言是思想的封装。说到包装自然就要精美了。建议一下LZ不要死套template。阅卷人一眼就看出。读来很乏味的。第一段个人认为挺重要的，要能catch eyes, 写得靓丽或有深度一些比较好。还有逻辑间不要作太大的转折，要作一些让步的铺垫，不然别人读起来就会很突兀的。在下不才，试着改了首段，作个参考吧。

It cannot be denied that, but outward beauty conduces much to the success and fortune. Although we are educated in the textbook that inner virtues as the true measurement upon human outweighs appearance, ironically in the reality lots of people superficially evaluate a person sheer through his/her face or clothing, thereby forging an age that people overemphasize on appearance and fashion. I personally disagree with the appearance-oriented judgment and believe that the real beauty is in the heart.

 

至于主体部分，感觉第一个分论点很费解。猜想你是想说一个人的外表是可以伪装的。一旦它被识破了，别人就不再相信了。但好像读者很难一下子体会到你的意图。要知道考官平均放在你的文章上只有可怜的3-5mins.你必须让他快速明白你要表达的意思。建议好好改改。第二个分论点很清楚，但是例子表述有待改进。People with old fashion clothes 是指穿得很古典的人，而不是指衣着朴素的人，最好改成
            people in plain clothes。最后那个"Each coin has two sides"改个让步句吧，说说appearance and fashion有时是很重要的。诸如要了解内心世界需要时间，现在生活节奏快，通过表面细节去快速洞识一个人也不失为一个方法，云云。

 

好了，说了也不少了。希望对LZ有所帮助了。

yetemwok

这样的：RATOR给你阅卷的时候，首先他/她如果能读的很明白，你的分数就好点，所以呢，个人觉得，表明观点的时候直接讲就可以了：清晰，明确。

而且，似乎你的论述有点DIGRESSED，或者说，需要把论述和你的题目过渡连接起来好点。

beauty is just skin-deep.

helen227

谢谢您

helen227

谢谢您的指点！！