欣欣写了新文章..请德克和大家给意见

roseyx0915

80. Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

There is an old saying goes, “East or west, home is the best.” It is obvious how important a home means to a person. Recently, my parents and I just left an old traditional house and moved into a modern apartment building. Many friends keep asking me these days  “How is your new home?” Compared with the traditional house, I have to say that living in a modern apartment building has more advantages.

 

First of all, since the building is located in the most prosperous part of the city, it is more convenient and time-saving for my family members to go out. My school is only ten minutes’ walk away from my home. Therefore,  I can have one more hour to sleep than before and enjoy my breakfast without any hurry. Moreover, my parents need not waste time picking me up to and from school. Subway station and bus stops are nearby. Thanks to the ideal transport , living in an apartment building provides us with more opportunities to see the latest exhibitions, films, or plays, which are only a short bus ride away. I vividly remember the poor experience when living in a traditional house. Some friends invited me to watch “Royal Casino” at seven p.m. in the movie theater which is in the center of the city. I quickly had dinner and ran to the bus stop at five to catch the only bus that can directly take me to the destination. There aren’t any subway stations nearby. Since it was the rush hour, the bus had only run one third of the way by six fifteen. The film almost came to the end when I got there. What a frustrating experience I had! Now, I’ll never have to worry about having frustrations of this sort.

 

Another important point is that there are many great sports facilities in the neighborhood: indoor and outdoor swimming pools, gyms for basketball and badminton, fitness centers and etc. They give me the freedom and flexibility of doing exercise at my own choice. In addition, I’ve made a lot of new friends in these places. Other facilities such as clinics, supermarkets, parks, and recreation centres benefit the residents as well.

 

All in all, living in a modern apartment makes my daily life more convenient and colorful. As a consequence, I prefer to live in my new home.

请教一下大虾，考试时候第三段可不可以不写？？我写完第二段其实时间已经到了。感觉时间真的很紧。一写了detail的东西，感觉就占了好大的篇幅。应该怎么办咧？？另外，结尾跟开头能不能给点建议咧？？ 谢谢！！！！！！

德克的猪

There is an old saying goes, “East or west, home is the best.” It is obvious how important a home means to a person(这个句子的表达我不清楚是否正确.问题在于how important这个东西.). Recently, my parents and I just left an old traditional house and moved into a modern apartment building. Many friends keep asking me these days “How is your new home?” Compared with the traditional house, I have to say that living in a modern apartment building has more advantages.(我个人觉得你的开头的第一句和后面的联系不大.开头,你就可以直接说ast year, my family moved into a modern apartment.记住,不要用大概的时间,要用具体的时间.)

 

First of all, since the building is located in the most prosperous part of the city, it is more convenient and time-saving for my family members to go out(我个人觉得modern apartment不一定就是在繁华的地方,你这个理由不具有共性.). My school is only ten minutes’ walk away from my home. Therefore, I can have one more hour to sleep than before and enjoy my breakfast without any hurry. Moreover, my parents need not waste time picking me up to and from school. Subway station and bus stops are nearby. Thanks to the ideal transport , living in an apartment building provides us with more opportunities to see the latest exhibitions, films, or plays, which are only a short bus ride away. I vividly remember the poor experience when living in a traditional house. Some friends invited me to watch “Royal Casino” at seven p.m. in the movie theater which is in the center of the city. I quickly had dinner and ran to the bus stop at five to catch the only bus that can directly take me to the destination. There aren’t any subway stations nearby. Since it was the rush hour, the bus had only run one third of the way by six fifteen. The film almost came to the end when I got there. What a frustrating experience I had! Now, I’ll never have to worry about having frustrations of this sort.

 

Another important point is that there are many great sports facilities in the neighborhood: indoor and outdoor swimming pools, gyms for basketball and badminton, fitness centers and etc. They give me the freedom and flexibility of doing exercise at my own choice. In addition, I’ve made a lot of new friends in these places. Other facilities such as clinics, supermarkets, parks, and recreation centres benefit the residents as well.

 (你在这两段完全回避了modern apartment本身,也没有和老房子的对比,而是把论证的重点放在了apartment周围的东西上,而这些东西不具备共性:有的modern apartment也有可能在郊区,没有这些便利.所以,这两段的论述是失败的.以后作文,你应该要讨论事物的共性:你在这两段中写的东西,都不是所有modern apartment都具备的,这样的论述是不成立.)

 

All in all, living in a modern apartment makes my daily life more convenient and colorful. As a consequence, I prefer to live in my new home.

 

论述失败,重新来过

roseyx0915

哭了...再加油！！！

德克的猪

再接再厉

写作总是先打击再鼓励的