作文求改,谢谢! 请德克版主帮忙

jiyuztc

Agree or disagree

It is more important for a teacher to help students gain self-confidence than to teach them specific knowledge.

 

 

A tremendous number of people choose to go to the school for increasing their knowledge in a variety of fields. On the other hand, other people have a desire to gain self-confidence, so they decide to enter schools. Some people may argue that specific knowledge is more crucial than self-confidence. However, currently the self-confidence of a person, from my perspective, far outweighs the specific knowledge that a person owns.

 

 

In this society, only if you have self-confidence, may you finish a wonderful accomplishment successfully. Without confidence, you certainly fail to do the task. To give a demonstration, last semester, I accepted a formidable mission that finishing a paper within two week. At that time, I was confused and I believed it was impossible to complete in that short time. A thought that I will not accomplish invariably occurred to my mind. I almost gave up when my teacher told me patiently that anything can be completed if you perform it with your confidence. I understood abruptly. Then I began to search all sorts of material related the paper and organized them in some order. Eventually, it only cost me ten days to complete the paper which was extolled a great performance. Since the self-confidence is so important, we should gain it from the school.

 

 

In addition, confidence is a virtue of a person. Of cause, confidence is a tradition of our country. It creates people to invent a multitude of great inventions, say, the computer, the plane etc. To some extent, confidence is playing a vital role in our daily life. Thanks to the confidence, it renders us finish our study with high score and it make us resolve all kinds of serious problems successfully. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, a teacher should help students receive self-confidence, as no doubt, that is the fundament of doing other things.

 

 

In conclusion, it is the most crucial thing to help students gain self-confidence as a teacher. The specific knowledge can be found through several other avenues such as readings books, watching TV.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-8-1 22:38:58编辑过]

jiyuztc

有好心人帮忙看看改改么?

sunnypath

（全文词汇不错，但是显然是一个新手写的。）

A tremendous number of people choose to go to the school for increasing their knowledge in a variety of fields. On the other hand, other people have a desire to gain self-confidence, so they decide to enter schools. Some people may argue that specific knowledge is more crucial than self-confidence. However, currently the self-confidence of a person, from my perspective, far outweighs the specific knowledge that a person owns.

  （第一段有两个转折，这个一般不常见。）

In this society, only if you have self-confidence, may you finish a wonderful accomplishment successfully. Without confidence, you certainly fail to do the task. To give a demonstration, last semester, I accepted a formidable mission that finishing a paper within two WEEKS. At that time, I was confused and I believed it was impossible to complete in that short time. A thought that I will not accomplish invariably occurred to my mind. I almost gave up when my teacher told me patiently that anything can be completed if you perform it with your confidence. I understood abruptly. Then I began to search all sorts of METERIALS RELATING the paper and organized themORDERLY. Eventually, it only TOOK ten days to complete the paper which was COMPLIMENTED BY MY TEACHER. Since the self-confidence is so important, we should gain it from the school.

(最后一句总结句比较虚弱，最好改一下。整段看来，例子不错，但是连词用的太多，这不是优点，而是缺点；句子与句子之间的联系不需要用连词来维系，用句义来联系更加好。)

  

In addition, confidence is a virtue of a person. FOR ONE THING （后面可以用一个for another，）, confidence is a tradition of our country. It ENCOURAGES people to invent a GREAT DEAL of great inventions, FOR INSTANCE, the computer, the plane etc. To some extent, confidence is playing a vital role in our daily life. Thanks to the confidence, it MAKES (或者LEAD, ALLOW SB. DOING STH., render 让人觉得痛苦) us finish our study with high score and it make us resolve all kinds of serious problems successfully. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, a teacher should help students receive self-confidence, as no doubt, that is the fundament of doing other things.

 （纠正一下，Of course. 另外，of course和say，都是口语用词，不能用于TWE）

 

In conclusion, it is the most crucial thing to help students gain self-confidence as a teacher. The specific knowledge can be found through several other avenues such as readings books, watching TV.

(最后一段不够好，是不是卡时间写的？)

 

sirgalahad

觉得你连题目也没审清楚。你的首句有“choose to go to the school for ”比较牵强。

sunnypath

Teaching knowledge is the main responsibility of teachers at school. Nevertheless, to build students’ self-confidence is another responsibility that I would like to emphasize for schools and teachers, since basically, self-confidence outweigh the intellectual knowledge from my perspective.

我觉得这样写就可以了。

jiyuztc

谢谢楼上热心的MM.

是卡时间写的,不过还是有点超时

那最后一段应该怎么写呢.一直觉得最后一段没话写

新手你是怎么看出来的呢?呵呵

a multitude of great inventions不可以么? a great deal of 不是修水可数的么?

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-8-2 23:09:53编辑过]

realclassica

Vitally, should the teacher understand, it is the confidence, rather than the specific knowledge that fulfill one's potential.For students, receiving knowlegde in a passive way does them no good other than wasting their limited memory,conversly, only after the confidence is sparked by teachers encouragement,can one be innovative or creative, there by formulating independent ideas,and this kind of talents is what society urges given the inevitable globalization.

对于结尾的愚见，见笑了。

jiyuztc

谢谢楼上的ＧＧ．

感觉句式挺复杂，都不是简单句啊．

估计我是写不出这样的结尾．呵呵

sunnypath

我觉得可能这样好些：

To everyone, especially the sensitive and fragile young students, self-confidence is their backbones to be a good students and courage to endure the growing pains. Teachers should pay more attention to students’ psychological development and try their best to help the students solve problems and confront with difficulties using the power of intelligence as well as self-confidence.

纵观你的全文，总觉得例子还可以再丰富，方向还可以再丰富，唯有这样说理才能更加深刻，建议发挥些想象力。呵呵

jiyuztc

55555,一直觉得自己的想想力有限啊.想方向总不出几个,不知道有什么好的方法拓展自己的思路啊?楼上的MM?