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As no doubt, industry(改为factories), since its birth on the Industry Revolution, has changed every one’s life a great deal. And now, this influence will become more tangible to our neighborhood if a factory is to be built nearby. This plan of setting up a factory, however, is not a simply one for a multiple(multitude固定用法) of people hold different ideas of building it or not. Some people enthusiastically maintain that it would bring severe pollution and they oppose this announcement. Others who support this announcement argue that this may bring lots of benefits. Based on my expertise and experience, the merits the factory may bring will beat the drawbacks. Initially, it(the construction of the factory,代词不可以乱用,必须有明显的指代对象才可以用) offers multiple of jobs for the local people. The construction of the factory requires a great deal of labor(a considerable sum of labors. A great deal of一般形容不可数,而且,用词最好不要重复) .And the operation of the factory needs mass of workers as well. This may, to a certain extent, dramatically reduce the rate of unemployment. Thanks to this factory, considerable people who lost their jobs and simply play cards to live through would have something to do and can support their family as well. Income can be improved in many families. Moreover, the setup of the factory may help increase our community economy. The factory may intrigue development of other industries. More shops, supermarkets, restaurants and hotels may be established around the factory. More tax(revenue), invariably, can be received to support our government fund. More money can, consequently, be used to uphold our local education, hospital and the traffic facilities. Ultimately, our life would be, as no doubt, more comfortable and easeful. (两个优势,我觉得你写得太简单了一点,最好可以那一个来用例子支撑.比如:我的姨妈,就是在她附近的一个新建的shopping center里找到了工作,从此全家拜托的困境等等.这里之所以用shopping center是为了不至于让例子看起来太巧合,你加一句:I believe, the factory will serve as well as the shopping center就是了) Some people argue that the factory may inevitably bring some environmental problems. They point out that the factory may send out sick gas into the primarily fresh air and polluted water into the river. And it may dump waste material into our community as well. They claim that the accumulation of pollution will, definitely, place a serious damage to our community environment, and our health may be seriously affected eventually. However, by hiring environmental expert and apply high technology, pollution can be controlled and even resolved.(让步段写得不错)
In short, although the factory may bring us some pollution, the benefit it brings us has overcome it. And we can also use the money it brings us to deal with the environmental problem. So(不要再出现so了,用consequently, hence, therefore强行替换) I approve this announcement and I believe this factory may not only benefit the local government but also the citizens in our community.
注意名词的单复数 注意优点的well develop 还有就是,逗号和句号后面最好加上空格 | 
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发表于 2007-7-26 12:15:00
