新手第一篇,帮忙看看,多谢多谢

topdownload

In the highly competitive society, due to the change of technology and demand, many employee lose their job. Some people think that the employee themselves should be responsible to adjust the change rather than the government or business. In my view, although the employee should take on most of the work to adjust themselves, the government and business  also have the responsibility to help them to adjust.

 

My first reason for arguing that the government and business are responsible to help the employee to adjust such change is that government and business should provide some training classes for these employees to improve their skills so that they can quickly adjust the highly developed technology. Faced with the change of technology and demand, those employee failed because they do not have the newly skill, if the government and business can provide some classes which teach the employee the skill, the employee may quickly adjust the change and then they can continue working for the company.

 

Another aspect that the government and business can help the employee to get through the hardship is that government can propose some laws which are benefit to the employee. For example, some employee who lose their job because of the change may want to create their own business. At this circumstance, if the government propose the laws that support them to do so , they may quickly make profits . on the other hand, the business can also provide some jobs to these employee, thus the employee can continue working. All of this methods can help the employee to adjust the change rather than lose jobs.

 

Admittedly, the employee themselves should take on most of the responsibility to adjust to the changing job market. Even if the government and business provide them with excellent environment to adjust the change, without the efforts of the employee, it is still pretty difficult to adjust the changing job market. Only with  the help of the government  and the business, in addition to the effects of the employee themselves, can the employee to quickly adjust to the change.

 

Therefore, from these analysis, I do not agree that the responsible to adjust the changing job market should all belong to the employee,  the business and the government, on the other hand, also own some duty to help the employee to adjust the change. However, the most important work to adjust the change should belong to the employee themselves.

考了ibt的作文,大作文是good,后来有一个学期没写作文了,想问下我这片作文是不是看不出来有摸版呀, 因为听说电脑平分器会将作文与他的数据库里的范文对照,我这篇摸班的痕迹(关键地方的句子和词)不是很明显,会不会打分时吃亏呀?

我的作文是不是还是有点象ibt 的作文略显不是那么理性,与gmat要求的逻辑性有点差距了,怎么提高呢?

rio

以下是引用topdownload在2007-7-18 20:38:00的发言：

In the highly competitive society, due to the change of technology and demand, many employee lose their job. Some people think that the employee themselves should be responsible to adjust (to) the change rather than the government or business. In my view, although the employee should take on most of the work to adjust themselves, the government and business  also have the responsibility to help them to adjust.(too many adjust. you can use update skills or retrain etc.)

My first reason for arguing that the government and business are responsible to help the employee to adjust such change is that government and business should provide some training classes for these employees to improve their skills so that they can quickly adjust (to) the highly developed technology. Faced with the (Facing the)change of technology and demand, those employee failed because they do not have the newly skill, if the government and business can provide some classes which teach the employee the skill, the employee may quickly adjust the change and then they can continue working for the company.

(refer to the dictionary for the usage of adjust)(you argument is not strong and not specific, thus not convincing)

(refer to the dictionary for the usage of adjust)(you argument is not strong and not specific, thus not convincing)

Another aspect that the government and business can help the employee to get through the hardship is that government can propose some laws which are benefit to the employee. For example, some employee who lose their job because of the change may want to create their own business. At this circumstance, if the government propose the laws that support them to do so , they may quickly make profits . on the other hand, the business can also provide some jobs to these employee, thus the employee can continue working. All of this methods can help the employee to adjust the change rather than lose jobs.

Admittedly, the employee themselves should take on most of the responsibility to adjust to the changing job market. Even if the government and business provide them with excellent environment to adjust the change, without the efforts of the employee, it is still pretty difficult to adjust the changing job market. Only with  the help of the government  and the business, in addition to the effects of the employee themselves, can the employee to quickly adjust to the change.

Therefore, from these analysis, I do not agree that the responsible to adjust the changing job market should all belong to the employee,  the business and the government, on the other hand, also own some duty to help the employee to adjust the change. However, the most important work to adjust the change should belong to the employee themselves.

考了ibt的作文,大作文是good,后来有一个学期没写作文了,想问下我这片作文是不是看不出来有摸版呀, 因为听说电脑平分器会将作文与他的数据库里的范文对照,我这篇摸班的痕迹(关键地方的句子和词)不是很明显,会不会打分时吃亏呀?

我的作文是不是还是有点象ibt 的作文略显不是那么理性,与gmat要求的逻辑性有点差距了,怎么提高呢?

(forget about the template, try to be more specific, use hard evidence, and reason step by step. I only looked into the first two paragraghs, if you would proofread the rest of the passage, i am glad to give more suggestions)

topdownload

谢谢rio,有几个问题还是不明白,为什么要 我forget about the template,我看cd上很多人很推崇模版,正准备糅合几个模版弄一个自己的模版呢,怎么又说不用模版呢?

try to be more specific, use hard evidence, and reason step by step,应该就是说我的文章逻辑性不是很强,可我不知道怎样才能specific,是不是要用一些具体的例子呢?但是我不知道怎么找例子,看了有人说在businessweek里按关键字查询,但我这篇文章的关键字是什么呢?难道是training?

rio

以下是引用topdownload在2007-7-19 12:55:00的发言：

谢谢rio,有几个问题还是不明白,为什么要 我forget about the template,我看cd上很多人很推崇模版,正准备糅合几个模版弄一个自己的模版呢,怎么又说不用模版呢?

try to be more specific, use hard evidence, and reason step by step,应该就是说我的文章逻辑性不是很强,可我不知道怎样才能specific,是不是要用一些具体的例子呢?但是我不知道怎么找例子,看了有人说在businessweek里按关键字查询,但我这篇文章的关键字是什么呢?难道是training?

忘记模板是让你不依赖模板，模板只能给你一个框架，但很多人靠模板凑字数，这是不可取的。

写的具体指的是把你想说的道理表述清楚，比如你想说科技进步带来失业，你就把是哪种科技进步带来了什么样的失业写清楚，比如：自动售票系统导致公交公司裁员，网上销售导致销售员实业，电视机的普及导致戏剧演员的事业。不久的将来，3D技术还会导致真实演员的失业，无人驾驶技术还会导致司机的失业。

然后你再讨论这些失业究竟该是谁的责任呢？当然，这些只能作为case/example来讨论