请小猪老师帮忙看看，我昨天看了你的作文帖，挺有感触的，帮我看看这个文章吧

ecoeco

昨天看了你的作文帖，把一些用词又升级了一下，当然肯定还没完全提高，写了个文章，老师看看吧！6.30考了`

Is watching tv bad for children?

 

 

Currently, television has flooded into almost every aspects of our life. People who is considering whether watching television is bad for children’s development is accumulated day by day. After balancing its pros and cons, from my perspective, I would stand behind the people who regard television as a helpful thing for children. Here follow the potent supports.

To begin with, television enables children to have a better insight of the world. Though watching television programs children can broaden the scope of their knowledge. To give a demonstration, the television program I value most is Nation Geography which includes tremendous source of knowledge, ranging from the zoology, archaeology to modern technology and inventions. Via the help of this program, I have got many precious things, say, the development of human society, the habit of bears and so forth.

Besides to get a better insight of the world, simultaneously, television also adds color to monotonous study of children who invariably gain knowledge from books in school. As we all know, such is a child who may not have a strong will to face books which are full of numbers and formulas for a long time. Therefore, just with those books, occasionally, children cannot grasp steadily about the knowledge they need to learn. As far as I am concerned nothing is more efficient than television to solve this problem. Teaching children with the help of lively television program, in most cases, does more good for them.

Indubitably, watching more television program will eat up children’s rest time and some television which is full of violent will do harm for children’s mental health. However, these problems are not unavoidable as long as parents monitor their children’s television shows very carefully. By using this method, children will receive all of the benefits of good television, while avoiding all of its negative aspects.

All in all, television never fails to fascinate children. From the perspectives presented above, I can safely draw the conclusion that the importance of television is second to none.    

    

德克的猪

Currently, television has flooded into almost every aspects of our life. (The number of) people who is(复数are) considering whether watching television is bad(be bad这样的说法初级了点,这里可以说exerts negative effects on) for children’s development is accumulated day by day. After balancing its pros and cons, from my perspective, I would stand behind(站在身后这个说法我没有见过,不知道这样用人家是否能够理解,为了保险起见,可以说:stand with) the people who regard television as a helpful thing(说something helpful好一点) for children. Here follow the potent(不错,这个词用得好) supports.

 

To begin with, television enables children to have a better(写作的时候,要具体一点,这里可以用wider) insight of the world. Through watching(watching这里多余了) television programs children can broaden the scope of their knowledge. To give a demonstration, the television program I value most is Nation Geography which includes tremendous sources of knowledge, ranging from the zoology, archaeology to modern technology and inventions. Via the help of this program, I have got many precious things, say, the development of human society, the habit of bears and so forth. (不要这样就结束了,你最好还总结性的说一下这些知识给你带来什么,所以看电视是好的,比如:Via utilizing the knowledge obtained in those beneficial programs in my science project in school, I received a higher score than other students. Just as the same with this, good TV programs also bring children with knowledge in many ways.)

 

Besides to get a better insight of the world, simultaneously, television also adds color to monotonous study of children who invariably gain (academic) knowledge from books in school. As we all know, such is a child who may not have a strong will to face books which are full of numbers and formulas for a long time(这个句子的结构比较confusing,还是不要这样写的好). Therefore, just with those books, occasionally, children cannot grasp steadily about the knowledge they need to learn. As far as I am concerned nothing is more efficient than television to solve this problem. Teaching children with the help of lively television program, in most cases, does more good for(to) them.

(这段,我觉得,论述TV的东西少了,可以说:TV, as a great marriage of audio and video, always conveys thing in a lively way which can be accepted easily by students who have tolerated the countless lines from those monotonous books enough. Indubitably, teaching via watching TV will not fail to appeal to those children. Therefore, watching TV programs with the knowledge in school classes is a more efficient avenue to help children to obtain new stuff.)

 

Indubitably(As no doubt也可以), watching more television program will eat up children’s rest time and some television which is full of violent will do harm for(to) children’s mental health. However, these problems are not unavoidable as long as parents monitor their children’s television shows very carefully. By using this method, children will receive all of the benefits of good television, while avoiding all of its negative aspects.

 

All in all, television never fails to fascinate children. From the perspectives presented above, I can safely draw the conclusion that the importance of television is second to none.    (最后一句夸张大了)

ecoeco

谢谢小猪老师！！我会好好修改的，这样的文章大概能得多少分？我现在也挺困惑的，作文心里没底复习别的也就复习的不塌实..看了你发的综合帖心里还稍微明确了一点方向。谢谢小老师的帮助！