快乐小组的TOEFL学习贴！（8.17）

yaoshuming

以下是引用qianrene在2007-7-5 9:17:00的发言：
yaoyao mm，偶Ｇ作文不怕丢脸，说出来才４分捏，我可能是属于看着好，但是老美不喜欢那种吧，我是这样想的，Ｔ作文要多举些身边的例子比较好，另外ＭＭ刚开始写可以多看看德克的帖子，看他怎么说的，我觉得他研究得很透彻，我有个１８５题库的软件，就是前几天有个ＭＭ放上来的，但是忘记在哪个帖子了传上来

个人认为G的作文跟T的作文考察不一样，我的作文很屎，还比你高0.5分，可笑吧

闹闹不要急哈，我的第一篇文章也是写得我郁闷惨了，还不是别人也没说什么~~找个身边的人帮你改吧？加油！！

seamoon8

以下是引用starbird在2007-7-5 12:37:00的发言：

我是把送分学校都填上的，，，当时round 1 还没开始，，，

然后今天忽然看到他们申请要求里有这么句话，，，

“The TOEFL is not required, but you may report your score if desired”

，，，，，，，，，，，，，- -|| ，，，我开始考虑不填了，，，

请问这是哪个学校啊，是不是

可以不考Ｔ？？？

这样的学校多吗，要是多的话，偶都不想考了．．．

谢谢

starbird

以下是引用seamoon8在2007-7-5 21:03:00的发言：

请问这是哪个学校啊，是不是

可以不考Ｔ？？？

这样的学校多吗，要是多的话，偶都不想考了．．．

谢谢

MIT Sloan http://mitsloan.mit.edu/mba/admissions/applicationinstructions.php#test  ，，，

这样的学校应该不多，我好像只见过两个，，，

虽然具体要求我还没来得及细看，估计MIT 可能有自己一套考核办法，所以才不要TOEFL 成绩

说实话，看了那句话，我连报它都有点不 "desire" 了，，， - -|| 

yaoshuming

mit……OMG~~~~

yaoshuming

写了第二篇文章，鸟兄有时间帮我看看吧，你也快考试了吧？就当休息一下看看烂作文，嘿嘿~~~

It is undeniable that continuous advancement of technologies has brought tremendous change in our daily life, and more options are supplied to satisfy diverse demands from various persons. For instance, people can make a decision on how to go to the destination, via train or via airplane, or how to keep in touch with a friend far away from us, via telephone or via internet.

 

When someone asks him/herself the question "how do I like to enjoy a performance, by taking part in the live locale or watching it on television?", the answer depends on a lot of considerations such as what is the most crucial in his/her opinion. For me honesty, attending a live performance is always attracting me, since the atmosphere brought by the live show is so appealed to me that I am fail to consider the others as the most important factors.

 

Such is human nature, that although just sitting in front of the television, people gain the whole content of a show is regarded as effortless and thus many people select this manner. However, the most convenient access is possibly not the optimal one. Comparing to seeing with one's own eyes on the spot, looking at the same event through TV cannot be encouraged a greater level of participation as well as a better understanding of the event. As it do in the case of one of my friends who enthusiastically love the rock'n'roll, he was used to watch the music concert on television at home at one time until he had a occasional chance to go to attend a live concert. He went into raptures when he came back and he was forever extolling the virtues of the live concert, considering this experience as the most precious and memorable one. He told me what he saw on the spot: the beat is going strong, and when the band is playing its most famous songs, the listeners are almost crazy for this. They cry, they jump and they forget all the unhappy things in their lives at the moment, what makes the smell of excitement and passion waft through the air. My friend said that he is fail to feel any distance between the band and him, and he is full of satisfaction because he is likely to participate in the entire show despite being an audience. What makes him depressed is only the finite time of the show.

 

His feeling just confirm my perspective that the privilege of attending a live concert is well worth the merely little troubles which can be avoided by watching the concert on television, and furthermore I deem that when one immerse his/herself in the atmosphere on the spot, s/he might ignore all the discommodiousness which virtually exist before. Therefore, I am obliged to maintain that a live performance is more enjoyable than some merely active pictures on TV.

starbird

以下是引用yaoshuming在2007-7-5 23:39:00的发言：

写了第二篇文章，鸟兄有时间帮我看看吧，你也快考试了吧？就当休息一下看看烂作文，嘿嘿~~~

,,, Well timed,,, en,,, since I'm gonna take the exam tomorrow,,, - -|| ,,,en, en,,,

My writing stinks, and I have absolutely no idea about how to evaluate an essay, even if an essay in Chinese.

Anyway, I'll try to give some personal opinion, but please not take it serious.

 

First, structure,  

Since I haven't seen the task topic, it's a little hard for me to find out what your essay is about, until finished the last sentence. I would recommand stating your main idea in the first paragraph and replacing the "instance" there.

The second paragraph seems to be a little weak. I would move some part of it to the first paragraph and restructure them, if I were you.

The last paragraph begin with "His" which refers to something in the preceding paragraph. It'll be better to give each paragraph a little independence.

 

Then, words and grammar,

Red stands for place need taking care of, and blue optional.

 

It is undeniable that continuous advancement (You know that sometimes certain uncountalbes can be used as countable nouns. Here, I think plural will be better.)of technologies has brought tremendous change (plural would be better) in our daily life (lives), and more options are supplied (available?) to satisfy diverse demands from various persons (people). For instance, people can make a decision (have a choice?)on how to go to the destination, via train or via airplane, or how to keep in touch with a friend far away from us ("people", "a friend", "us", a little confusing here), via telephone or via internet.

When someone asks him/herself the question "how do I like to enjoy a performance, by taking part in the live locale (you watch the show, not take part in it, right? And perhaps "locale" has different meaning from what you intend to say here.) or watching it on television?", the answer depends on a lot of considerations such as what is the most crucial in his/her opinion. For me honesty (I'm not sure about this expression), attending a live performance is always attracting me, since the atmosphere brought by the live show is so appealed (appealing) to me that I am fail to consider the others as the most important factors ("fail to" can mean "not", but it strongly expresses certain feeling, meaning "not" after you have tried very hard. It is too strong here. What "others" refers to is not very clear. "Factors" is somehow weird here, since you cannot consider all the others as the most important. Recommande restructuring this sentence.).  

Today, I really don't have much time, so didn't finish the latter paragraphs, sorry, maybe next time.

And I also didn't mention anything concerning style, because I don't think I'm qualified. But since style is essential to the writing, any work on it will be well paid, and then your essay would be even more wonderful.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-6 8:59:56编辑过]

Water_Water

yaoMM，看来我们得自力更生了。我昨天也写了第二篇，还是很费力地用了一个小时时间，搞得我晚上做恶梦。我也不怕丢人了，现在贴上来，你若闲的时候帮偶改一下，还有starbird，请多指教。

其实你的作文我都拷下来了，今天回去看一下，明天给你反馈（G和T的作文根本扯不上关系）。

没关系，我还有个LG呢，他写作挺强的，实在不行找他帮忙。嘻嘻~

MM的进度怎么样？偶把DELTA的听力搞完了，现在在听邱政政20段；阅读DELTA还有最后一节，然后准备认真研究OG那套题；大作文写了这两篇，小作文也懂一点了；唯一可怜的是口语，昨天开始朗读李笑来185篇，读了五篇难受死了，不知道有没有用，今天还是继续吧。。。 不知道口语素材该如何收集，口语题目该用哪些来练习？

加油加油！

Water_Water

7/03/2007, 写作第四篇:  035(185题库).

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

 

Although attending a live performance may bring more excitement and sensory of experience, watching live performance on televison is better choice for me. Considering all the course of preparation of attending a live concert or sports match, I don’t think this kind of leisure is more enjoyable than watch televison.

The more famous the artists or sportsmen of a performance, the harder to get a ticket for entrance. It is pretty boring to stand in line waiting for buying a ticket. Sometimes, to obtain a regular-priced ticket is extremely hard and need extra money. Besides buying ticket, arrange transportation, book hotel and other related logistical problems are not easy and time-consuming tasks to finish before attendence. The most famous worldwide football match, World Cup, for example, attracts millions or more football fans to visit every four years. The last match was held in Germany, so the football fans who want to attend the live performance must travel international. All the tedious logistics would make the match not that enjoyable. Watching the same event on televison seems much more convenient because there are no preparation works except to make a televison available.

It is highly possible that a manic fans would say that all the logistics are worth doing because the live performance could be fantastic. However, no one can really tell the outcome before he go to the venue. If the performance were not as excellent as expected, visiting it would waste time and money and even the energy. By contrast, watching the performance televison do not have such problem since everyone can stop watching at any time after the beginning. In this sense, watching televison is more flexible.

Attending a live performance do has other disadvantages: personal safety will be jeopodized, seats arrangement are not comfortable, and so on, while watching televison has other advantages, such as the commentary during the event, which can inform us the backgrounds of the performance. All in all, TV watching is much more enjoyable.

 

大家就使劲批吧。。。 

qianrene

以下是引用yaoshuming在2007-7-5 23:39:00的发言：

写了第二篇文章，鸟兄有时间帮我看看吧，你也快考试了吧？就当休息一下看看烂作文，嘿嘿~~~

It is undeniable that continuous advancement of technologies has brought tremendous change in our daily life, and more options are supplied to satisfy diverse demands from various persons. For instance, people can make a decision on how to go to the destination, via train or via airplane, or how to keep in touch with a friend far away from us, via telephone or via internet.

 鸟鸟改了前几段，我就改后面把，但是我只会改细节，因为我也菜来着-_-||

 鸟鸟改了前几段，我就改后面把，但是我只会改细节，因为我也菜来着-_-||

When someone asks him(himself)/herself the question "how do I like to enjoy a performance（是不是which do I perfer to enjoy比较好些？）, by taking part in （。见鸟。。）the live locale ( 参加地点？)or watching it on television?", the answer depends on a lot of considerations such as what is the（去掉好些吧） most crucial in his/her opinion. For me honesty(To be honest), attending a live performance is always attracting me, since the atmosphere brought by the live show is so appealed (appealing)to me that I am fail to (fail有表达遗憾的意思)consider the others as the most important factors.

 

 

Such is human nature, that although just sitting in front of the television, people gain the whole content of a show is regarded as effortless(people is regared as effortless?) and thus many people select this manner(态度，应该用options). However, the most convenient access is possibly not the optimal one(我觉得这句总结比较好^^). Comparing to seeing with one's own eyes on the spot, looking at the same event through TV cannot be encouraged（cannot lead to） a greater level of participation as well as a better understanding of the event. As it do(As with the case好象比较简洁些,it does) in the case of one of my friends who enthusiastically love the rock'n'roll, he was used to watch（watching） the music concert on television at home at one time (看了一次电视)until he had a （AN）occasional chance to go to attend a live concert. He went into raptures when he came back and he was forever extolling the virtues of the live concert, considering this experience as the most precious and memorable one. He told me what he saw on the spot: the beat is going strong, and when the band is playing its most famous songs, the listeners are almost crazy for this. They cry, they jump and they forget all the unhappy things in their lives at the moment, what makes the smell of excitement and passion waft through the air（这段描写比较生动）. My friend said that he is fail to （又是FAIL）feel any distance between the band and him, and he is full of satisfaction because he is likely to participate in the entire show despite being an audience. （instead of being only an audience）What makes him depressed is only the finite time of the show.

 

 

His（最后一段总结尽量不要用人称） feeling just confirm my perspective that the privilege of attending a live concert is well worth the merely little troubles which can be avoided by watching the concert on television, and furthermore I deem that when one immerse his/herself in the atmosphere on the spot, s/he might ignore all the discommodiousness (没看明白这个词)which virtually exist before. Therefore, I am obliged （被逼迫承认？）to maintain that a live performance is more enjoyable than some merely active pictures on TV.

qianrene

闹闹的小作文怎么准备的呢？我还没搞清楚小作文要搞什么-_-||真羡慕你有个这么优秀的LG，这几天我和BF吵架，都没心情复习了