请NN 和zdlukeluck 帮忙改一下？

fawsa

刚随笔写了个开头，练一下感觉，不知思路对不！这样开头新颖吗？全文有时间再补上吧！

Waht is the mosrt important animal in your country?

What makes human beings different from animals, the answer must be intelligence. But when it comes to the argument that whose life is more important? The intelligence does not make any differences. However, human have killed varied of animals directly and indirectly which causes some kinds on the edge of depopulation. One of them is Panda which is also the rarest and most important spices in China.

zdlukeluck

很有漂亮的开头，这样的开头都有NCE的味道了

depopulation用得不好,他们说“灭绝”的时候往往都是用的extinctin,如果常看NG和Discovery就可以知道

这里可以改为：drive countless kinds of animals to the edge of extinction

这样的开头不落窠臼，没有使用模版，会比较有吸引力，同时符合外国人的写作习惯。

继续努力

fawsa

谢谢，呵呵，终于有点信心了。。。。。

abc117

不知道我的感觉对不对，如果不看题目，以为这篇文章要接下去讨论人类对动物的滥杀问题，panda是一个例子，会不会有跑题嫌疑？我的外教总是提醒我，开头一定要写跟主题密切相关的东西，记得有一次写开发月球的好处的文章的时候，我开头用嫦娥的传说，本来是想表现人们对开发月球向往已久，结果他批判我写了不相关的东西……

盼望解答，顺便帮我看看这个开头吧，关于学生是否应该evaluate老师的。观点是不应该。

The evaluation of the teachers is always a nightmare for me. I have to face to dozens of vague questions, such as 'what do you think of the instructor?' or 'How is the course?' Neither were the standards provided, nor explanation can be found. The options are even more confused - I totally have no idea what the difference between 'very good' and 'excellent'. The only thing I could do is turn to the student around me for a help. But the feedback brought nothing but shock to me. The result of the option which I was hesitating whether chose 'very good' or 'excellent' appeared 'bad' on the evaluation sheet of the girl's! She complained that the assignments were too hazardous to her, and she hoped that the administrators of the college would urge the professor to lessen the difficulty of this curriculum. 'I don't care about the content of this course, I just need an 'A' to benefit my grading,' she claimed.

zdlukeluck

····汗··

··老外是不知道嫦娥的呀·······

abc117

问题就在于他知道的哇

zdlukeluck

`````````````???

``老外也知道嫦娥？

··那可能他太现实主义了·

abc117

按他的说法，他爱这个故事，呵呵……

不管他了，帮忙看看我的开头好吗？觉得老外很死心眼的，最好还是扣着话题说。

如果结尾这样写：

I can still remember the irony feedback of the evaluation I mentioned above. Two weeks after the day which nearly drove me mad, the professor was criticized by the dean, but not punished. The reason was the result of the evaluation showed that the midterm examination was too difficult and had not reflected what was taught in the class, but, in fact, the test would be held on the next week.

跟开头呼应，然后中间三段很没营养的干巴巴的论述，就好像案例分析一样说对老师没好处、对学生没好处，这篇文章能满足要求么？

zdlukeluck

··你的题目是什么呀？ 把整篇文章发来看看

abc117

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do you agree or disagree?

The evaluation of the teachers is always a nightmare for me. I have to face to dozens of vague questions, such as 'what do you think of the instructor?' or 'How is the course?' Neither were the standards provided, nor explanation can be found. The options are even more confused - I totally have no idea what the difference between 'very good' and 'excellent'. The only thing I could do is turn to the student around me for a help. But the feedback brought nothing but shock to me. The result of the option which I was hesitating whether chose 'very good' or 'excellent' appeared 'bad' on the evaluation sheet of the girl's! She complained that the assignments were too hazardous to her, and she hoped that the administrators of the college would urge the professor to lessen the difficulty of this curriculum. 'I don't care about the content of this course, I just need an 'A' to benefit my grading,' she claimed.

 

How can this kind of evaluation be used to judge the lecturers? I kept thinking about this question. Because of its unscientific method of data gathering, it seems that no one was really benefited from these meaningless sheets.

 

There is no doubt that the teachers were unfairly treated through this kind of measuring. Each student has his/her own standard, and no one can guarantee they are all reasonable. Besides, no instructions were provided to guide the youth to be unbiased. The only result of this evaluation was the teachers' efforts are completely neglected and their tiny mistakes are incredibly magnified. This can be seen form the girl’s judgment: the interesting explanation and the abundant case study which fascinated me were all ignored; instead, the difficult homework covered all the virtues of his lecture.

 

Neither can the students get a profit form it. The only thing that they will learn from this activity is the teachers should cater to them, or they will give bad remarks to hurt the instructors' reputation. I believe the girl must felt quit pleasant that she can drive the professor into somewhat embarrassed situation, and force him to arrange the course as her wish. Of course, the managers of the college will obtain the artificial images of the teaching condition, and thus they can not estimate the value of their staff precisely.

 

I can still remember the irony feedback of the evaluation I mentioned above. Two weeks after the day which nearly drove me mad, the professor was criticized by the dean, but not punished. The reason was the result of the evaluation showed that the midterm examination was too difficult and had not reflected what was taught in the class, but, in fact, the test would be held on the next week.