请高手帮着改改，不胜感激

wenyu816

Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members

of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the modern society, more and more people like to raise the pets, such as birds, cat, or dogs as the bailment of their

feelings, so they treat them as members of their family. Although so many people have a close relationship with their pets,

I don’t think such a relationship is good.

To begin with the resource reason, a lot of people supply too many extravagant things to their pets, such as pet food, pet

clothes, pet restaurant, and even pet sitter. As all we know, there are so many children in Africa, who are still in hunger.

Do you think we should spend so much resource on the pets? Can’t we use the money to help the poor people? As far

as I’m concerned, we should make sense of our money or our natural resource to balance our society. It is a criminal

that pets lead a more luxurious life than human.

Another reason is about our health. We all know that animals often take some infectious disease and helminth , which are harmful to our health. erson who touch animals frequently may be infected easily. If the family has a baby, the danger is more serious, for the baby has the low immunity. Person who is bitten by the animals has the possibility to infect a serious disease called hydrophobia. If the immediate cure isn’t done, person will die

in 100%.

Since not only because of the resource relation, but also because of the health relation, I argue that it isn’t wise to treat

pets as our family members.We should pay our energy and attention to something more significative, but not on animals.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-23 14:32:10编辑过]

everjeff

more and more people 可以换成The growing number of people

purplevivian

我感觉有以下几点:

1)In the modern society, more and more people like to raise the pets,应该去掉,这里没有特指,也不是重复提到.

2)To begin with the resource reason, 好象 resource reason用的不太好,我觉得可改为,To begin with the extra resourse consumption 可能舒服些

3) we should make sense of our money or our natural resource to balance our society,换成aware that较好,另外没有理解作者这句话想表达什么,后面的不定式表达的意思我没明白.

4)that pets lead a more luxurious life than human.,这里有个语法错误,than后面的比较结构,应该省略为主语+重复谓语的助动词: than human does

5)the danger is more serious,这句话的表达好象不太地道,for the baby has the low immunity,这里的原因状语因为是从句,所以不能用引导短语表原因的for,而要用as表原因的连词加句子.

6)pay our energy and attention to something more significative, but not on animals.这里是一个语法错误,but not后面的成分是与something平行的并列结构,所以介词要一致,用to animals

改的不妥当的请原谅