[求助]5.19第一篇作文，请大家帮忙修改打分，多谢多谢了！

myripple

时间太紧了，第一次写作文，欢迎大家拍砖啊。

027 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

People may all like to do things that they enjoy doing. However, sometimes we should do things that we do not like, which is mainly because the economical pressure, long-term benefits for oneself and thinking for others.

First of all, many people struggle to bear the things they dislike, when faced economical pressure. For instance, farmers who do not gain enough money merely from the field, go to advanced cities, such as Guangzhou or Shanghai, to make more money to pay for the school fees for the children. The jobs in the city are tiring and exhausting, which they could never enjoy. However, if they did not do such heavy labor jobs, their children would not have rights to go to high school or entering colleges.

Furthermore, some boring things may be benefit for us in long term. Take sports as an example, hardly can somebody like to run 800 meters every day, especially in hot summers or cold winters. But when considering long term health for ourselves, amounts of people take this exercise every day. Always putting ourselves in a comfortable condition to enjoy the life, we may have a horrible future. 

Finally, if we want to be a polite person and think for others, occasionally we need to do some things we are not willing to. When I was a fresh man in college, people in my dormitory all enjoyed singing at night to express our happiness or sadness, rather than keeping quiet. But in a few days, we realized that it may offend other people's sleep, so keeping quiet at night was a rule in my dormitory from then on. 

As a conclusion, doing interesting things is enjoyable to us, but undertaking boring and tiring things may be demonstrate we are growing up to take economical pressure, think about long term benefit and think for others.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-2 0:04:17编辑过]

levivy

已经批改

请牛人指正 谢谢

ptw

From my point,there are some aspects of the above writing worthing praising,such as the structure,consistent and the idea,possible.but some crucial faults are there."However, if they did not do such heavy labor jobs, their children would not have rights to go to high school or entering colleges",take it as an example,you should pay more attention on Paralle and Subjunctive mood.At the end of writing,you'd better repeat these three reasons in another way,I mean,paraphrase them.