[求助]我的独立作文，希望各位大侠多提宝贵意见！

xiaoxindream

       Some young adults hold the opinoin that they would like to live with their parents for a long time rather than live by themselves.Others,however,contradict this idea,they want to be independent.personally,I would perfor the young adultes live by their own because try to be dependent will be better to them .
       There are numerous reasons thy young adults should be dependent,and I would in here explain a few of the most important ones.The main reason  is that depenence is a charactristic that every person should have with a eye to living a happy and colorful life.Trying  to solve the problems that we will come across both in our life and work is in indispensiable and necessary.Parents won't live with you for ever.
        Anther reason why I advocate  the attidute that young adults should be dependent is that it has benifits to their own carre.How can a man do well in his work if he can't deel with the problems in the daily life such as do the housework ,cook food,and so on.My brother married one year ago.One month   after his marriage they lived by their own .although he and his wife often go to my home to have a dinner and wo are like a whole family juse like before,he said that living alone teach him a lot and his had the confidence to do better from then on.
         One very strong argument for my idea is that young adults should be hardwoking .It is just dependence that can give them a amaizing oppotunity.
They will try their best on account that no one is always beside him do things for him .When I was a little boy my mother told me when I grew up I should do things all by myself .That is to say I should cook food ,wash my clothes.My mum always said life is like a box of choclate you never know what you are going to get next.So learn to over come evey difficult is crucial.That is the importance of dependence .
         Of course, living with parents also has advantages to some extent,parents can give you some derects about you life and work which are markedly useful.Furthermore,Parents can do some things in your daily life.
         But if all the factors are contemplated,the advantages of being dependence carry more weight than living with parents.From what has been discussed above ,we may finally draw the conclusion that young adults should be dependent.

chengrena

楼主分段太多了，并且你第一段结尾就提到了原因，然后又说，好象不太顺的，还有 了，LZ拼错的地方比较多啊