快“悟”了！！

wcn2007

以下是引用hanhardy在2007-2-10 3:08:00的发言：

对，没错，第一篇我发了感慨——很自然的那种，毫不牵强，有感而发

关键对后两个故事的看法，如果了解我的行业和工作环境——篇幅有限，不可能事无巨细的大篇幅介绍——可能会引起更多的共鸣，无需多说。

如果不了解——现在的假设就是 adcom 不了解——读后的感觉会怎样，不能预测，所以两种想法正举棋不定。

Ask someone not in your industry to read your essays.

My suggestion: Be straight. Mean what you write, and write what you mean.

yaoyao99

以下是引用wcn2007在2007-2-10 5:43:00的发言：

Ask someone not in your industry to read your essays.

My suggestion: Be straight. Mean what you write, and write what you mean.

I agree.  Focus on your specific actions, accomplishments, and lessons learned.  You should be able to wow anyone, inside and outside of your industry.

hanhardy

多谢楼上两位，明白了。

继续改。

fantasy06

以下是引用yaoyao99在2007-2-10 6:47:00的发言：

I agree.  Focus on your specific actions, accomplishments, and lessons learned.  You should be able to wow anyone, inside and outside of your industry.

很有启发，看来写完了光自己陶醉不行，还要能wow others inside and outside your industry, 我这个周末打算把自己写的essay 拿出来让行外的人批评批评。

hanhardy

mm 加油，俺得去寻点灵感了。

hanhardy

收尾阶段，今天过年！

hummel

又有人中毒了...

hanhardy

对，十多天了，要尽快解脱！

hanhardy

My suggestion: Be straight. Mean what you write, and write what you mean.

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I agree.  Focus on your specific actions, accomplishments, and lessons learned.  You should be able to wow anyone, inside and outside of your industry.

再次体会两位的建议中。。。

actions: 4句，I + v.ed...so that / so as to / to...， 用了排比

accomplishments: 一笔带过，用了对比

lessons：用在了处理新问题时借鉴的历史经验，没展开，一笔带过——似乎线条有点粗

现在，尾段，觉得和actions中论述有重复之嫌。

从哪个角度讲比较合适呢？

fantasy06

看了你的分析，一下子从感觉甚好又自惭形晦了。

我第四篇和第三篇有一句话几乎一模一样，因为是一气呵成，我也就保留了。

我没有怎么架构，主要根据时间先后，我想内容第一，行文流畅和情绪饱满第二，形式服从前两者。全部四篇从整体上感觉要consistant，integral whole