坚持+努力 !!!!!!

youzi728

自己顶下

eddienumb

楼主的作文还须努力。多背背范文会有帮助的。
大概看一下
1，以什么人称去写：people?  you? us?  应该统一一下
2，he is works和liveing 这种错误应该避免
3，from my point好像老外没有这么说的    用as to me吧
4，句子结构和单词的“高级程度”都有所欠缺
楼主可以看一篇范文 然后模仿他的句子去写 一定会有进步的！加油！

youzi728

以下是引用eddienumb在2006-12-2 19:41:00的发言：
楼主的作文还须努力。多背背范文会有帮助的。
大概看一下
1，以什么人称去写：people?  you? us?  应该统一一下
2，he is works和liveing 这种错误应该避免
3，from my point好像老外没有这么说的    用as to me吧
4，句子结构和单词的“高级程度”都有所欠缺
楼主可以看一篇范文 然后模仿他的句子去写 一定会有进步的！加油！

恩,你说的我都改过了,第四条是我比较头大的,还得继续努力啊

谢谢

youzi728

今天写的一篇,第一段用了neighbor,后面的几段都是HE/SHE

因为怕重复太多.不过好象还是重复太多，可是很多地方又不能不用

TOPIC:Neighbor are the people who live near us ,in your opinion  what are the qualities of good neighbor ,use specific details and examples in your answer

Despite you live in a big city or a small town,you may have someone lived near you ,that's your neighbor who is maybe the closest fellow in your life,on certain level<这里不知道词用的是否恰当，想表达：在一定程度上／>.it is very significant of the qualities of your neighbor because  a good neighbor can  get along with happiness in my opinion,there are several characters ＜这里是否可以替换qualities？＞a good neighbor have as follows

The first  and essential one is he/she must respect you .for instance ,whatever you say whenever you do ,he/she must respect on your opinion or behavior.it is the foundation of you have truck with him/her.maybe he/she has different opinion ,then may give you some suggestion but not interfere even not look down upon you,each of you may have honesty to exchange<这里也不确定是否恰当．想表达：互相坦诚相待>.however it is fine to tell you exactly what he/she thought,then you may become the best friends.

In addition ,everyone has privacy,a good neighbor must not to tell your privacy to the  others.it is a common saying  that:＂Good things  stay indoors while bad things will go far away ＂.to be honestly speaking ,everyone don't hope that occured.it may cause a series of problems.to avoid that happened,then you will live more calmer

Besides,when you have trouble ,he/she can help you.for example,once you had a urgent pain ,even you  couldn't stand up.then you can ask he/she for help and be  sent to the hospital in time.<觉得后面应该再说点什么和结尾连接，不过没想到好的句子>

All in all ,taking into account all these factors we may reasonably come to the moral that a good neighbor you have can make your life more comfortable

youzi728

又一篇来啦!嘿嘿

TOPIC:In some countries,teenagers have jobs while they are still students,DO you think this is  a  good idea?support your opinion by using specfic reasons and details

Recently,the issue of the teenager students who have a part-time job has been brought to public attention.some parents think that it is good for their children to have a part-time job but others argue  that the reverse is true.there is probably some truth in both argument .before giving my opinion ,i think it is essential to look at the argument on both sides

For the aspect of supporting teenager students to have a part-time job ,there are two reasons .Firstly ,they can accumulate  work experience .for example ,if you  do  a market accounting job,you may contact various people ,maybe the old, the young or the amicable, the insolent.so you must make corresponding tone or behavior correspond to them.it is the precious exprience for your job in future.Secondly,the pin money can be earned from your part-time job,actrually,the parents don't let their children to think about the money matter,but some teenagers have interest in music and they can't ask their parents for money to buy the record.then they can use money which they earned.there is no denying that the part-time job slove this problem.

Obviously,it has its drawbacks as well as merits,for one thing it may affect the study for the teenager who has a part-time job may spent enormous amount of time and energy on it  and leave a little on study.however the main task for a student is to study hard not to work .For another thing ,the teenagers are  too young to distinguish the bad things such as smoking and drinking .these are also impact their life in future.

From what has been discussed above,the choice is depend on different cases,I tink if the teenager students want to have  a part-time job,there is a precondition that is they can do well in study and arrange reasonable time on study and work,i firmly believed that the  part-time job allows them a feeling of success and independence that is a perfect complement to their academic pursuits

youzi728

刚报了一月19号交大的考场

感觉好紧张啊,准备的还很不够呀,继续加油!

youzi728

今天有点浮躁，感觉状态不是很好

Joypan

以下是引用山衔落日在2006-11-30 23:12:00的发言：
In the first place这些引导词/句可以换换，这种第一、第二可能会比较生硬一些，比如可以用in addition

帮顶一下，并稍稍修改标题

难得看到山衔斑竹改作文。。。楼主面子大啊。。。。

Joypan

以下是引用youzi728在2006-11-30 18:09:00的发言：

There is（GMAT的语法里好象有对这个的讨论，印象当中是这样的there be 句型对于抽象的东西的运用还是少用为妙) a controversial issue about whether to live in a small town or in  a big city depending
                (depends?)on personal experience.personality type instead ,the choice neverthless is not easy to make ,However
                    ,for my part,(首先,前半句,偶大概水平太差,不能明白楼主表达的意思.其次,however后面该有标点.for my part比较口语化,建议用as far as i am concerned,虽然这个短语也属于用滥了的,但它不是口语化的倾向较弱)living in a big city is  more advisable than living in a small town,my arguments are listed (这个词用的不是很好吧?这个词的感觉就像是在去超市前先列个单子,而那个单子上的东东又很少,简洁而明了,在这个情况下,用listed会比较好吧?同意?^-^)as follows

 

In the first place,there are more opportunities in a big city than in a small town,you(少用第二人称为妙哦) may have many choice to find jobs,maybe a designer ,officer,waiter and so on(这个太累赘了.已经举过例子了,没有必要再加等等之类的了.不符合严密性).for example ,my neighbour who lived in a small town before earned a little money(什么意思?看不明白)
                and  could't afford the family,so he came to our city ,now he  works in  a company and earns more money (时态不对).the
                (该大写的要大写哦,习惯要养成.否则的话在考试输入的时候一慌乱紧张更容易出差错哦)living conditions is improved obviously.also you can find a job which is fit for your interest.it is wise to choose a job that you interested  in and also can make a living.

先改到这里.楼主看一下有没有我改错的地方,如果有不对的,也请你说明.偶会再来看滴..

楼主加油~!Fight~!

Joypan

以下是引用youzi728在2006-12-6 17:36:00的发言：

刚报了一月19号交大的考场

感觉好紧张啊,准备的还很不够呀,继续加油!

不用太紧张,既然已经报了就加油冲刺吧.