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157.In the future,student may have the choice if studying at home by using technology such as computer or television or of studying at traditional schools,which would you prefer ?use reasons and specific details to explain your choice. 虽然ETS还是喜欢叙述的行文.但个人认为还是保守的开头比较好. 比如 ‘This is a controversial issue about whether……Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we may find that some people hold the idea of A; on the other hand, some people might choose B instead. The choice, nevertheless, is not easy to make. However, from my point of view, I will agree that later/former one is more reasonable. For A is more advisable than B, my augments are listed as follows.’用一下这个开头,你的字数一下子暴涨.
Undoubtedly(注意一下首字母大写.) studying at home by using technology such as computer or television have some advantage(S) ,you can accept the information rapidly,on the other hand ,you will do without to go to school on schedule(这一句语法有错,you do not have to go to school on schedule) .neverthless many people also prefer to go to traditional school( 前面再说点什么吧,这个太直接了.比如用刚刚的模板) . i am one of them. first .in traditional school .you can exchange your opinion with your classmates and teachers.it is wise to learn with(from) teachers.they can tell you where to begin with .what you should do and which reference you should choose.when you confront difficulties .you can ask them for help.their advice will always be tremendously helpful.under the teacher's gudience you can learn easier ,faster and more interestingly.besides ,you can also discuss the issues with your classmates that can not do in your home alone. furthermore,you are able to share your limit resource with others and share others resource in turn .therefore it is virtually able to reach a much larger amount of resource.(这段叙述得挺好的,开头可能更需要一个中心句.) second.there is a good study atmosphere in school.there are many students in class or library.they are all study(Studying).that make you should study as well .there is a competition between you and others which can make you improve constantly .all above can not do at home when you are alone and have no competiter.you will never know whether you have improvement third we go to school not only learn konwledge but also learn how to get along with others.how to deal with the things which confuse us .how to do a good person who have a good qualities.for example ,we make friends in school,sometimes you may be take into account your friends,so something can be done or not.it is indicated that you may not only think about yourslef but also your friends.actually.you may live with others in socialty in future. in conclusion .studying at home by using technology have some merits but there is more advantages in traditional school.in my opinion .studying in traditional school is propitious to my growth. 因为下面几段的行文差不多,就不多说了.有几点想说的,我比较直,请不要生气: 一,语法请自己检查好.我想给改作文的CD版友不想把时间放在检查大家的语法错误上,而且自己检查语法错误会养成考试时的良好习惯. 二,文章的每段开始,我希望你能够用上顺承转接的句子.比如,Although Reason1 is probably the most important determinant, it is not the only explanation for that ,the increased value places on Reason2 also helps to solve the problem. 三,文章的叙述方式都比较中式英文,最好能用一些英语的佳句,给你两句先: 比如说到课堂的讨论,你可以用这一句: The interpersonal action and communication greatly improve not only the students’ social skills and the critical thinking but also the ability to analyzing and coping with complex issues. Learning is not a solitary activity but one that requires collaboration among people. 还有,可以自己改:The goal of attending school is to cultivate students to be useful specialists with well-balanced knowledge and integrated personality. 四推荐你用一下作文模板,而且,要自己总结模板,以免跟人家撞车.因为你用叙述方式的时候,用的词和句子总觉得不太恰当,我水平有限,改不出来.呼唤大牛. | 
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发表于 2006-11-6 20:57:00
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