看我能得几分，twe？

softgirl718

Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Tell which method of travel you would choose.

20:26--20:51
When faced the question that which kind of transportation you could use when you travel from your home to a place 40 miles aways, different people hold different ideas due to their distinct experience and life style. Some people may think about riding a bicycle,taking a bus or taking a train, while the others assert driving a private car is the best way. As far as I am concerned, I probably follow the latter one. My view can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

The first reason for my view is that compareing to taking a bus driving a private car give you more convinence. You can have a flexible schedule.For example, you can get up early in the morning if you want to stay there for a whole day,also you can leave in the evening if you like to stay there for camping. It is impossible to make your own schedule if you take a bus.

Another reason for my view is that comparing to taking a train, driving a car is more economic way. For example, if you take a train, the money you pay for the bus or taxi from your home to the train station and the the fee for the train and probably the another bus or taxi from the station to your destination are more expensive than the that you pay for the gas. Do you think this example quoted above is persuasive?

What is also worth noticing fact is that comparing to riding a bicycle,driving a car saves more time. According to our experience,it takes you more than 10 hours for you to ride a bicycle to a place 40 miles away. At the end of the jounery, you are too exhausted to enjoy the wonderful scene.

To sum up, given the reason discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an integrate whole and thus become more convincing, we can safely reach the conclusion that driving a private car is the best way to travel a place 40 miles away.

necrophile

if you take a train, the money you pay for the bus or taxi from your home to the train station and the the fee for the train and probably the another bus or taxi from the station to your destination are more expensive than the that you pay for the gas. Do you think this example quoted above is persuasive?

不要用YOU, PROBABLY，ABOUT这种词, 太口语和不尊敬人. 第三段,不大好,大致上就一句话,太长了. 意思明白但太罗嗦, 读起来有困难。 练习时要改。

至于评分，说不出，骗计算机只要再少点语法和词的错误就行。人吗，难说了，语气要理直气壮，但不能太壮了。
Do you think this example quoted above is persuasive? 关于这句话, 小弟实在无话可说. 在这种别人决定你生死的情况, 反问人家是会被认为强词夺理,或不能充分表达意思才用的.

错词有几个, 语法上还行,但是!!! 一定要在第1段结尾写出你的理由, 上ENG101时，教授强调说开头的必要性。 说话不要太拐弯抹角，美国人笨，是不懂含蓄的。
说了甚麽过分的，请原谅。
hope this help, good luck

monicar

5 points

softgirl718

thanks monica and necrophile,anyone else?

orcl

觉得开头和结尾是用的GMAT的魔版，我个人觉得GMAT要更正式些，所以你的结尾过于SERIOUS，可以轻松一些。“given the reason discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an integrate whole and thus become more convincing”和正文的STYLE不和谐， 不建议用。要注意GMAT的ISSUE是驳论为主，而这个TOPIC只是问你的PREFERENCE。

其实比较就是taking public transportation, driving, or riding a bike, unnecessary to say 'driving a private car', 'driving' is enough. 'compared with ...' should be used instead of 'compared to'.

"Some people may think about riding a bicycle,taking a bus or taking a train, while the others assert driving a private car is the best way. As far as I am concerned," ==>>

some people prefer to take public transportation, while others enjoy driving. <>

By the way, very few people go to work by riding a bike in north america since most people live much far away from their office or the weather is too harsh.

总的来说，结构清晰，构词准确，因可得4分以上。仅是我个人观点，多写就会提高了。