(AA1)我的第一篇作文 请帮忙修改

可怜的蛋糕

AA题库

1. The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”

     In this report, the author concludes that the long experience will enable Olympic Food to minimize costs and maximize profits. To support his conclusion, he cites the example of color-film processing. In that processing, the costs of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

     First, the author fails to acknowledge and rule out possible causes other than long experience that make the processing decrease the costs, such as new technology, successful market strategies. Actually, in these days, the productivity will obviously increase by the using of new technology. High productivity is one means to lower the cost.

     Second, the author cites an example that is unfit for his conclusion. We do not have any evidence suggesting that the principle that applies to color-film processing apply to the processing of food. The two processing is completely different. Long experience, which enables film processing to reduce the costs, may, on the contrary, increase the costs of food processing..

     In summary, the author not only fails to establish a causal relationship between long experience and low costs, but also cites the irrelevant example. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide evidence that the color-film processing and food processing are similar in every aspect. To better evaluate the argument, we would need more information about the relationship between long experience and low costs.

因为很多年没有写文章了，别说是英文的了，中文都很久没写了，我花了一个小时才写出这篇文章。最后，字数却不到300，郁闷。不知道应该再怎么扩充一下。而且，也不知道，具体应该怎么写GMAT AWA. 还请大家狠狠地批，以帮助我写作。谢谢！

laihong

以下是引用可怜的蛋糕在2006-2-3 3:14:00的发言：

AA题库

1. The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”

     In this report, the author concludes that the long experience will enable Olympic Food to minimize costs and maximize profits. To support his conclusion, he cites the example of color-film processing. In that processing, the costs of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

    First, the author fails to acknowledge and rule out possible causes other than long experience that make the processing decrease the costs, such as new technology, successful market strategies. Actually, in these days, the productivity will obviously increase by the using of new technology. High productivity is one means to lower the cost.　

first the author does not address the cause of the  declining costs of the processing. he or she merely regards the long experiences as the only factors contributing the decline of prices. however, if other varibles such as new technology and successful strategies also can play crucial role in decreasing the prices of the processing, then the conclusion that minimizing the costs and maximizing the profits is groundless.

     Second, the author cites an example that is unfit for his conclusion. We do not have any evidence suggesting that the principle that applies to color-film processing apply to the processing of food. The two processing is completely different. Long experience, which enables film processing to reduce the costs, may, on the contrary, increase the costs of food processing..

     In summary, the author not only fails to establish a causal relationship between long experience and low costs, but also cites the irrelevant example. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide evidence that the color-film processing and food processing are similar in every aspect. To better evaluate the argument, we would need more information about the relationship between long experience and low costs.

因为很多年没有写文章了，别说是英文的了，中文都很久没写了，我花了一个小时才写出这篇文章。最后，字数却不到300，郁闷。不知道应该再怎么扩充一下。而且，也不知道，具体应该怎么写GMAT AWA. 还请大家狠狠地批，以帮助我写作。谢谢！

其他的类似，你可以看看ＥＴＳ公布的满分作文．

可怜的蛋糕

谢谢gg,请问ets满分作文在哪里？

laihong

我早就发在这里了.很容易找到的.