AAA02, nn们请多指教，Judy jj 过来看看吧，谢谢啦！

crystalwansui

首篇文章，请多指教。请NN们看看吧. 谢谢!。Judy jj 过来看看吧。谢谢啦！

AAA02

A planning consultant to the Banbridge Riverfront Festival Committee made the following recommendation to the committee.

“The Riverfront Festival drew 10,000 visitors — not bad for your first year. You should double that number, however, by bringing in the Jolly Pirate Ship. In St. Clyde, the Harbor Week Festival averaged 30,000 visitors per year over the last decade, but the attendance reached a high point of 45,000 a couple of years ago, when the Jolly Pirate was at the Harbor Week Festival. One of the organizers reported that the ship was especially popular with school groups. Have the Jolly Pirate Ship sail into the Riverfront Festival next summer, and your festival will be much more successful.”

The conclusion ratified in this argument is that Banbridge Riverfront Festival can double the number of visitors by introducing into the Jolly Pirate ship. Several reasons are presented to support this argument. First, in the Harbor Week Festival held in St.Clyde, the attendance reached a high point when the Jolly Pirate was at that festival. Second, according to the view of one organizer, most school groups are welcome this activity-the Jolly Pirate sail. However, this argument is unconvincing as it suffers from several critical fallacies. We can understand how groundless this conclusion is due to the following reasonable analysis.

In the first place, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the introduction of Jolly Pirate Ship could promote the attendance rate. Yet, no evidence is mentioned in the argument to buttress this assumption. There may be other factors that the author fails to take into consideration devoting to the increase of attendance. For example, the committee made longer and powerful advertising or cut the ticket fee to attract visitor. It is also likely that there was another important activity held in St. Clyde which allured many outlanders and incidentally, these people visit Harbor Week Festival. Any of these scenarios, if true, would give rise to the same result. Thus, this argument is groundless unless the possible factors other than the introduction of Jolly Pirate Ship are debarred.

In the second place, the author commits the fallacy that all things are equal. Based on the fact that the increase attendance in Harbor Week Festival happened two years ago, the author cannot safely draw a conclusion that the same proposal adopted by Banbridge Riverfront Festival Committee could play the similar effect on Banbridge Riverfront Festival. The author supposes without justification that the background conditions, economic climates have remained unchanged at different times or at different locations, which is usually not the case. It is possible that the local people are not interest this game at all. Since the author fails to make it clear in this argument whether the current conditions at Banbridge Riverfront Festival are the same as they used in St.Clyde two years ago, the line of reasoning is seriously flawed.

Last but not least, another problem that serious weaken the logic of this argument is that the author quoted a saying of an organizer which is too weak and too independent to establish this conclusion. The organizer reported that student group like Jolly priate activity. However, no test data show that the main target customers are students. It is clearly show that there is no cause and effect relationship between student group and the enlargement of attendance. Admittedly, this evidence is so vague and insufficient that it cannot support the author’s conclusion.

To sum up, the author fails to provide ample justification for increasing attendance by introducing the Jolly pirate ship. To strengthen the argument, the author must show a positive link between attendance and Jolly ship. To better assess the argument, we need additional detailed information about the actual situation of Banbridge Riverfront Festival so that we can establish the conclusion whether Jolly pirate ship could promote the number of visitors to rise.

laihong

姐姐，写得太摸板了，很难得高分。此外，反例太少，或不明显.这是大忌。

crystalwansui

hi,laihong,感谢你的建议，那我想问，在一段中，多少要写成例子呢，每段重点是举例子来反驳原文吗？

laihong

In the first place, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the introduction of Jolly Pirate Ship could promote the attendance rate. Yet, no evidence is mentioned in the argument to buttress this assumption. There may be other factors that the author fails to take into consideration devoting to the increase of attendance. For example, the committee made longer and powerful advertising or cut the ticket fee to attract visitor. It is also likely that there was another important activity held in St. Clyde which allured many outlanders and incidentally, these people visit Harbor Week Festival. Any of these scenarios, if true, would give rise to the same result. Thus, this argument is groundless unless the possible factors other than the introduction of Jolly Pirate Ship are debarred.

The author does not address with the cause of the increase of the attendance rate but merely assumes that the introduction of Jolly Pirate Ship could promote the attendance rate in weak attempt to buttress his or her argument. But if the main cause of enhancing the number of tourists is the lower tiket price ,or even the introduction of Jolly Pirate Ship can contribute to attacting more tourists, if people always are more concerned about the price of tikets, then the author cannot reach such conclusion ; therefore, his proposal will not generate more benefits.

laihong

我把你的第一段改写了一下，请指教。

crystalwansui

hi,laihong,谢谢你的改写。我觉得我写得罗里八所，表达不是很清楚。你写的话，目的很明确，说得很明白。但是，这样写就写得短了。会不会影响字数。不是有时候要写些废话吗？不好意思，有请教你。谢谢！

laihong

字数没问题，我这样写都会有400字左右。你要注意，ETS是看你写的好不好，而不是字数。

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