急!帮我这个"菜鸟"评评作文吧(TWE 第6题讲环境的)

helloranger

比较汗自己!马上就要考机考了,现在却还不知道自己的作文是什么水平...(主要是今天才知道可以在线求助...)

哪位好心人指点一下吧,帮我打打分,看这样的作文能"蒙骗"到电脑多少分啊?

帮我看看还有哪些要改进的地方.(我知道在短时间内想要大的提高是不可能的,但是临时抱抱佛脚吧)

感激之情无法言表!!

这篇是问改变家乡的一件事.

Have you ever been to a picturesque city to enjoy your leisure time? If you do have ever experienced the magnificent scene of nature, you will know how important a preeminent environment is. It is a significant thing for us to ameliorate the environment around us. From my point of view, it is prerequisite to improve the quality of the environment in my city.

An excellent environment is relatively good for our health. It is the main reason of my propensity that I want to mention first. For instant, fresh air is extremely good for our system of breathing. It is conspicuous that a patient can recover better in the exceedingly outstanding environment. At the same time, the older men can avoid many health hazards that would be taken out by the pollution of environment.

Not only can we be healthier with the help of the favorable environment, but also we can attract more investment to our city. Obviously, the more investment there are, the more prominent improvement there will be. For example, if the investors are attracted by the magically pretty view of our city, of course, they will consider investing here.

Furthermore, my decision is also in the position of advantage because there will be more tourists. As long as we provide plenty of remarkable entertainments, such as bright sunshine, clean water, green plants and comfortable service, there must be many more tourists. What a magnetic place of interest it is! The same as a larege amount of investment, a large number of travelers will also contribute to the fast development of our city.

The three reasons I portrayed above can conspicuously lead us to the conclusion that it is more sensible to beautify our city. It can benefit the citizens' health as well as improve the economic development of the city at the same time. What a wonderful city it will be if we pay more attention to the amelioration of the environment!