我已经没有退路！只能考toefl,大家帮帮我！！

wch2001_akuan

thank you, eyesy, I think 'facts can witness many examples' is right, because witness can be used by verb.
about 'healthy nutritions', what is your suggestion? Maybe it is 'healthy food'?

and i should say 'business goes bankrupt' instead of 'business broken'

and whay do you think?

wch2001_akuan

今天的作文：

topic 9: Some people perfer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you perfer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Some people think that living in a small town is a good idea, but others prefer to live in a big city. If I were faced with the issue,  I would probably follow the latter. In the following discussion, I would like to provide and reason evidence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than the one that a big city can provide more job opportunity than a small town. There are more companies or factories in a big city than a small town. And as we all know, a large population is the basic characteristic in a big city, in order to accommodate a lot of people, there are more stores and services , that create more job opportunity in a big city than a small town.

Convenience is another important reason that I have chosen to put here. It is no better illustration to demonstrate the view. People can take bus in theri neighborhoods and go shopping in the neighborhood or near their neighborhoods. When people want to see a movie or go to the museum, it is very convenient for them to take a bus or drive to the destinations. But if you live in a small town, it maybe take  a long time to reach those places.

In addtion, a big city usually provide perfect public service. There are libraries , swimming pools, supermarket, museums and zooes in the city , that  make lives more enjoyable.

Of course, living in a small town has some advantages.The most important advantage in a small town is that people can own more place. However, the benifits that we can get from living in a big cith carrys more weigh than the advantages provided by a small town.

Still, people who hold the same oponion as me can list other reasons to account for it. For me, those reasons that I have explored in the above  discussion can make me draw a conclusion living in a big city is better than living in a small town. So I choose to live in a big city.

听写PP1的最后三篇短文，哪个earth science class的几乎都写不出来！555555

wch2001_akuan

看看我的作文吧？给点意见，好吗？

topic 4: It has been said.''Not everything that is learned is contained in books'' Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

Some people think that books are more important source for people to gain knowledge, but others oppose the view. If I were faced with the issue, I would probably follow the former. In the following discussion, I would provide and reason evidence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than the one that books are the most direct souce for people to gain knowledge. People can do not need to go out, they can read books to learn something. With the development of the Internet, people can just stay at home and search different documents that they want to read, not to mention people can lay at bed to read books. But for experience,people may not have those comfortable environment. For example , if  people want to see some relics in the museum , they must go out. If they choose to get those knowledge about those relics, they can stay at home to read books that introduce those relics.

One can see that books can tell people more knowledge than experience. For instance, people can not get knowedge about outer space through experience , because most people can not have the opportunity to go to the outer space, but they can get those knowledge by reading some books about ouster space. If you can see that, you can understand more deeply.

In addition, reading books to get knowledge  can help people save time and energy. For example, if I want to learn knowledge about Yellow Stone Park , if I choose to visit it, it will take me about 22 hours to get the destination. However, how many books can i read books about it?

Of course, experience also plays an important role in our daily lives. For example, people can not learn to swim only by reading books that introduce skills even though they can remember them. They must do some practical action in the swimmint pool. However, there are no enough evidence to suggest the experience is more important source than books.

To sum up, people can get knowledge by books and experience. but the books are more important for people to get knowledge according to the reasons that I have explored in the above discussion  If I can choose, I would like to read books before I do it.

eyesy

以下是引用wch2001_akuan在2003-9-3 20:28:00的发言：
thank you, eyesy, I think 'facts can witness many examples' is right, because witness can be used by verb.
about 'healthy nutritions', what is your suggestion? Maybe it is 'healthy food'?

and i should say 'business goes bankrupt' instead of 'business broken'

and whay do you think?

healthy nutritions…… healthy food   …… nutrition 就可以了吧？
business goes bankrupt 太绝对；可以用poor performance, productivity or competitiveness
另外，你可真是多产啊！···

eyesy

以下是引用wch2001_akuan在2003-9-3 21:11:00的发言：
今天的作文：

topic 9: Some people perfer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you perfer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Some people think that living in a small town is a good idea, but others prefer to live in a big city. If I were faced with the issue,  I would probably follow the latter. In the following discussion, I would like to provide and reason evidence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than the one that a big city can provide more job opportunity than a small town. There are more companies or factories in a big city than a small town. And as we all know, a large population is the basic characteristic in a big city, in order to accommodate a lot of people, there are more stores and services , that create more job opportunity in a big city than a small town.

Convenience is another important reason that I have chosen to put here. It is no better illustration to demonstrate the view. People can take bus in theri neighborhoods and go shopping in the neighborhood or near their neighborhoods. When people want to see a movie or go to the museum, it is very convenient for them to take a bus or drive to the destinations. But if you live in a small town, it maybe take  a long time to reach those places.

In addtion, a big city usually provide perfect public service. There are libraries , swimming pools, supermarket, museums and zooes in the city , that  make lives more enjoyable.

Of course, living in a small town has some advantages.The most important advantage in a small town is that people can own more place. However, the benifits that we can get from living in a big cith carrys more weigh than the advantages provided by a small town.

Still, people who hold the same oponion as me can list other reasons to account for it. For me, those reasons that I have explored in the above  discussion can make me draw a conclusion living in a big city is better than living in a small town. So I choose to live in a big city.

听写PP1的最后三篇短文，哪个earth science class的几乎都写不出来！555555

注意对称结构
And as we all know, a large population is the basic characteristic (in -->of) a big city, in order to accommodate a lot of people, there are more stores and services , (that create--->creating) more job (opportunity-->opportunities) in a big city than a small town.
It is no better illustration to demonstrate the view （than……）. People can take bus in theri neighborhoods and go shopping in the neighborhood or near their neighborhoods. When people want to see a movie or go to the museum, it is very convenient for them to take a bus or drive to the destinations. But if you live in a small town, it maybe take a long time to reach those places.
先改这些

wch2001_akuan

谢谢eyesy!
一天写一篇文章多吗？因为我的基础不好，所以我想多多练习会有进步的，而且我的时间可能比较少，我想在10月份考，而且压力很大，真的，在一种走投无路的情况下，还真不知道会怎么样呢？！
真的谢谢你，希望你能再继续帮我看看作文，好吗？

eyesy

你写的不错啊！！为什么走投无路？
当然可以继续看作文，你写的比我当时的还好呢！！

Taurus

我试试吧，希望能有所帮助。修改意见在括号里。

以下是引用wch2001_akuan在2003-9-1 19:20:00的发言：
帮我改改，好吗？谢谢！

topic 34: Business should hire emploees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree ? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

   Nowadays, some people think that business should hire emplyee for their their lives, but others consider that business should hire employees by contract. If I were faced with the issue, I would follow the latter. I will reason and provide my evidence to support my viewpoint.
（这两句稍嫌啰嗦。建议改为：Personally, I prefer the latter. And my reasons are as follows.
记住，简洁流畅的文章人人都爱看。托福作文也不是写得越长，词藻越华丽，结构越复杂，分数就越高。建议你看一下TOEFL作文的评分标准。能否拿高分，关键是看你能否自然清晰地表达出你的观点。从我们备考的角度来看，策略就是尽量用简单的句式，用常用的词汇，当然了，在不大量重复使用同一词汇的前提下。在上面这两句，你倒是清楚地表达出自己的观点了，但显得冗长。）

   In the first place, to the employers, it has a lot of disadvantages if they hire employees for their entire lives. As we all know, change will be helpful for developing, just as our bodies, that everyday absorb some fresh water, air and healthy nutritions and get rid of some exhausted materials.
（建议改为：As we all know, changes are helpful for developing. Take our bodies for example, they need to take in nutritions and get rid of wastes everyday. 这句之所以这样修改，是因为原句过长，结构复杂。记住，应该写成两句的，千万不要硬捏成一句。否则一来会使句子难懂，产生歧义；二来也是给自己犯语法错误创造机会。写这类作文时，一定不要吝啬写简单句。记住，最重要的是保持文风的流畅。）

It is very natural cycle （语法错误，缺少 a）and do （应该是does）good for our health. Business should recruit some new people and fire  some employees sometimes （sometimes不要放在句尾）. Of course, it sounds like very cruel （残忍这种词一般不加修饰词）. （这句最好改为：Of course, it bounds to hurt someone this way. 原因是原句感觉语气稍重）

HOwever, if business hire employees all their lives, it has no vacant position to hire other more apporpriate people to work （建议改为people who suit better for the job.）. And with the challenge of the modern sociery, if business can not make progress, it maybe be broken. （这句反而觉得语气不够重了，为了强调发展的意义，可以改为 businesses with no progress have no prospects at all.）
Eventually, everyone in the company including the one who is hired by all （最好用throughout）his or her entire life will lose job. （the one 之后的那部分不太顺畅，建议改为：including those who are hired throughout their lives will lose their jobs. 用复数一方面可以省掉his/her只苦，又可以还原lose someone's job这个词组。否则lose job 可以说是一个语病）

  In the other place（这个词组好怪，不常用，建议使用On one hand...on the other hand）,to the employees, it will （建议用can，因为这里强调的是功能方面的意味。我发觉你习惯使用should, will。尝试多使用其他的，因为这两者有时会显得语气不够劲儿。哈哈）motivate them to learn more knowledge if they are not hired by their whole lives （建议使用for life，终身，到这里，你已经多次使用了by ... lives，entire, all, whole 这几个词都用了。我注意到了你在努力争取词汇上的变化，这很好。不过换一个结构效果就更好了。）.

Imagine that someone were hired by his or her entire life, he/she maybe (might 既然前面用了虚拟，就要虚下去！) think I am safe and would never lose job （这是一个病句，I 改为he/she）how can try his/her best to study more knowledge to improve his/her ability. （这里的he/she实在太蹩脚了，就只用he就得了）If the company where he/she work would be broken, do you think he/she have （has） much opportunity to find other （another）job? So , hired by the whole life will be （is actually） harmful to employees.

  In addition, facts can witness many examples. Most famous international companies do hire the employees by contact instead of  hiring the employees by all their lives. For instance, Microsoft, that is （可以省略）one of the most famous companyies in the world, recruit some people and hire some employees （可以改为others）annually.

   Still, people who hold the same opinion as me can list other reasons to account for it, however, those three reasons that I have expored in tha above discussion can make me draw a conclusion that business should not hire employees for their entire lives. （这段的表述有点别扭，建议改为：Still, there can be many other reasons other than those mentioned above. All in all, it is more efficient for the firms to hire people by contract rather than for life.）

以上仅仅是一点小建议，仅供参考。Good luck with everything!

[此贴子已经被作者于2003-9-5 9:53:29编辑过]

wch2001_akuan

谢谢taurus！你真好！
真的，在这里与大家交流的感觉真好！发现比与自己的家人还能说出心里话，特别是在这种情况下，总不会得到谴责：为什么要放弃在中国还算是decent的工作？！为什么在中国不好好学英语？如果这个世界有后悔药的话，每个人还不都喝了好几壶了？所以能得到大家的支持和帮助，我真的很感动！
我想关键是要向前看，和克服目前的困难！

eyesy

以下是引用wch2001_akuan在2003-9-5 12:40:00的发言：
真的，在这里与大家交流的感觉真好！发现比与自己的家人还能说出心里话，特别是在这种情况下，总不会得到谴责：为什么要放弃在中国还算是decent的工作？！为什么在中国不好好学英语？如果这个世界有后悔药的话，每个人还不都喝了好几壶了？所以能得到大家的支持和帮助，我真的很感动！
我想关键是要向前看，和克服目前的困难！

大家都是同道中人，因为大家都不满足于现状，因为都怕被琐碎的工作所吞嗜，因为自己的能力还不足以改变根深蒂固的制度，因为……
唯一不同的是，我目前的职业还是“坐家”……