TWE一篇，请多多指教，顺便帮忙打个分数好吗?谢谢了！

susanlss

Topic 145:Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need,others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.Which viewpoint do you agree with?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Highly developed in modern society, advertisements provide us with various pieces of information,which may be of great help in our lives.Through advertising, we get to know new products that may improve our living conditions.

The most convenience that advertisements give us is that they are the easiest and most available accesses to new products and products we need.We no longer have to travel all over to look forward to what is new in the market,or search all around to find out what we are lack of. Instead , we can stay indoors and turn to advertisements, and then call the company for our goods.What we should do next,is just to sit back and relax ,waiting for our orders at home.

Besides the convenience offered by advertising,another big advantage is that ads make our lives more colorful.As competitions are extremely fierce nowadays,productors use different kinds of ways to advertise for their  commodities with the purpose to draw consumers' attention.Therefore,some advertisements are so fantastic and well-designed that it is a great joy to see them. These ads,taking advantage of modern skills to be completed,are an reflection of the highly developed science and technologe. We can enjoy ourselves at the same time when watching them.Is not it perfect?

Some people may argue that advertising has no other use but to encourage people to buy things they really do not need.However,i would refute that advertisements do not persuade consumers to buy products,but unfold the functions of them. Whether to buy them or not depends on the consumers themselves.

In a word,advertisement,which give us much convenience in daily life and tell us about the new products that may improve our lives,play a significant role in our daily lives.

xiajuyang

4.5-5分

susanlss

xiayuyang不要光是打分阿，还要帮帮忙改改哦~，谢谢了！

xiajuyang

sryla~

en..文章的结构不错，个人的建议是把第2段和第一段调换一下位置，因为第二段内容比第一段的丰富。

还有就是，多用一些倒装句，独立主格，如果可以最好写上一组排比句。会使文章的文法更多变~twe会根据你的语法，句式变换和结构给分，所以多加小心。

the easiest and most available accesses to new products and products we need。建议把“and products we need"改成"new products"的定语从句---“to new products that we need in our daily lives"

advertisement,which give us much convenienceand tell us about the new products that may improve our lives.要不把advertisement改成“advertisements"要不把“give"改成“gives";"tell"--tells

在每个论证段的开头，e.g第2段的开头加上“In the first place" 第3段开头加上“in the second place"第4段可以加上“Admittedly"

"However,i would refute that advertisements do not persuade consumers to buy products,but unfold the functions of them." ----"However, in my opinion, the advertisements cannot help people to make up their dicisions, but reveal the functions of the products which want selling swiftly."

an(a) reflection of the highly developed science.

play a significant role in our daily lives. play加s(或把advertisement--advertisements) 文章里面还有一些句子不通顺，你可以试着再改动一下。

susanlss

thank you so much.