我的第一篇TWE078,请大家帮我指点.

stevegt

这是小弟的第一篇作文,请GGJJ给我多提意见.还有就这样写能上5分吗?

Have you ever wanted to use three or more brains simultaneously to solve one problem when confronted with it? Have you ever wanted to make yourself better through working? Have you ever wanted to strengthen the relationships between you and your colleagues? I believe almost everyone’s answers to these questions are “yes”. But how can we achieve these three goals? From my point of view, working with a group is the premier choice.

The major reason for my penchant for my decision is that working together can facilitate the process of solving a problem. Each task assigned to a group must be divided into several parts. What you have to do is not the whole task but one or two parts of it. And thus everyone can put all of his energy into cracking one point, resulting in a more excellent outcome than solving the whole assignment. Zhang, professor on enterprise management of laceName w:st="on">PekinglaceName> laceType w:st="on">UniversitylaceType>, carried out his 3-year research result that the gross product in a factory can be doubled if it manages to raise 10 percent of division of labor on specialization.

Improvement of efficiency is only one part of the important aspects. Another equally significant reason can be seen by every one is that you are able to learn more through working collectively than individually. Every person has his own strong points and drawbacks. If we make the most of our strong points and avoid drawbacks when working with a group, for one thing the work can be easily done, for another we could learn others’ advantages and meanwhile observe where our weak points exist.

Last but not the least reason lies in strengthening the ties connecting you to your partners. By no means can people, in modern society, continue complaining that they lack the chance to communicate others if they work with a group. The process in which you and your collaborators endeavor contributes much to fine relationships, because you can share a lot in common within and after accomplishing one task. A survey conducted by a famous magazine released the fact that the more work two people share, the merrier they would be. The more hardship two people overcome, the more steady their relationship would be.

Finally, as an old proverb going “every coin has two sides”, I admit that working alone has its own merits and that there are a couple of disadvantages of collective working that not everyone’s opinions can be consistent which perhaps brings divergences into the operation and one may become lazy by virtue of the reliance on others. But I still think that the advantages of working with a group carry much more weight than those of working independently. Consequently, we can safely come to a conclusion that working with a group is a better choice than working independently.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-7 12:27:42编辑过]

而今迈步从头越

以下是引用stevegt在2005-8-7 12:22:00的发言：

这是小弟的第一篇作文,请GGJJ给我多提意见.还有就这样写能上5分吗?

Have you ever wanted to use three or more brains simultaneously to solve one problem when confronted with it? Have you ever wanted to make yourself better through working? Have you ever wanted to strengthen the relationships between you and your colleagues? I believe almost everyone’s answers to these questions are “yes”. But how can we achieve these three goals? From my point of view, working with a group is the premier choice.

排比问句开头，气势磅博，是欧学习的榜样！

The major reason for my penchant for my decision is that working together can facilitate the process of solving a problem. Each task assigned to a group must be divided into several parts. What you have to do is not the whole task but one or two parts of it. And thus everyone can put all of his energy into cracking one point, resulting in a more excellent outcome than solving the whole assignment. Zhang, professor on enterprise management of laceName w:st="on">PekinglaceName> laceType w:st="on">UniversitylaceType>, carried out his 3-year research result that the gross product in a factory can be doubled if it manages to raise 10 percent of division of labor on specialization.

Improvement of efficiency is only one part of the important aspects. Another equally significant reason can be seen by every one is that you are able to learn more through working collectively than individually. Every person has his own strong points and drawbacks. If we make the most of our strong points and avoid drawbacks when working with a group, for one thing the work can be easily done, for another we could learn others’ advantages and meanwhile observe where our weak points exist.

Last but not the least reason lies in strengthening the ties connecting you to your partners. By no means can people, in modern society, continue complaining that they lack the chance to communicate others if they work with a group. The process in which you and your collaborators endeavor contributes much to fine relationships, because you can share a lot in common within and after accomplishing one task. A survey conducted by a famous magazine released the fact that the more work two people share, the merrier they would be. The more hardship two people overcome, the more steady their relationship would be.

Finally, as an old proverb going “every coin has two sides”, I admit that working alone has its own merits and that there are a couple of disadvantages of collective working that not everyone’s opinions can be consistent which perhaps brings divergences into the operation and one may become lazy by virtue of the reliance on others. But I still think that the advantages of working with a group carry much more weight than those of working independently. Consequently, we can safely come to a conclusion that working with a group is a better choice than working independently.

后面这一段最好分为2段，逻辑和结构上都很更清晰一些。

看得出楼主的功底是很扎实的，写的也很好啊，无论是从词的准确性和多样性，句式的多样性和修饰手法以及上下文的转承启都是欧学习的榜样啊！5分是没问题了，呵呵，努努力能拿6分呢！

建议楼主多注意一下长短句的交替使用。

stevegt

谢谢,越越.还有人帮我看看吗