我在作文方面还没突破。

yukon

现在写Argument还是写不了多少字。300多字。issue刚写一篇，30分钟也是300多字。

很无奈，正在做模版，打算统计一下哪个模版字多就背哪个，死扛字数。

请教NN们，还有什么有效的练习手段吗？

我托福作文是4.5（去年10T，题目比较难)，感觉自己底子不是很差，但是issue题目实在是有些深刻，感觉没的可写。月底就考了~~~~~紧张。AWA要多少分才说的过去啊？

happyfish0517

AWA的分数看你要考得方向了，MACC对AWA的分数要求不高，大概4.5就OKAY了；MBA和PHD就要高一些，至少要5分以上...

模版对作文字数的提高还是很有帮助的...AWA区有废话模版集啊~~可以参考！~：）

建议用小安的作文软件，每天做GWD模考前也真实地写两篇作文，一个星期，肯定就有感觉了。

如果对ISSUE的感觉不是特别大，可以把题目和CD上的建议提纲浏览一下，或者参与提纲讨论，开阔思路，同时在作阅读的时候也可以留心积累阅读文章中可以用来做例子的素材。等等

不论如何，作文是个长期积累的过程，多写才有感觉...如果想短期迅速提高，只有取巧的用模版，以及关注出题频率，至少掌握黄金80的写作提纲~

happyfish0517

ESSAY写得好些，可以弥补你AWA或TWE的分数缺陷...所以GG不要紧张，加油吧！~即使AWA分数不理想，也是可以补救的！~~

yukon

窃窃地发个自己写的argument，斑竹看看这水平大概多少分。

谢谢！

In the argument, the author concludes that, to improve profitability by cutting costs, Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct its operations from a single location. To strengthen this conclusion, the author cites the evidence that the Apogee Company was more profitable when it had all its operations in one location. For a couple of reasons, the argument is not very persuasive and sound.

First, the author implies that the decrease in profitability of Apogee Company is due to the decentralized operation. However, common senses tell me that the profitability of a company is affected by a host of factors such as the patent controlled by the company, the ability of leader, and the economy trend of the country in which the company is located. In other words, there are many factors might affect the profitability. But, the author does not provide any evidence to explain whether other explanation for the dropped profitability have been considered and ruled out. To substantiate the argument, the author needs to thoroughly analyze the real driving forces of the dropped profitability.

Second, it is highly doubtable that the factors drawn from past experience is applicable to future operation. Even if the decentralized operation is the mere factor leading to the drop in profitability, there is no evidence and statistics can indicate that the centralization will contribute to the profitability of Apogee Company as significantly as before. It is possible that, because the business environment has changed, the centralization cannot bring out the desired results to Apogee Company. For example, if the operation location is far from the reach of supply chains, it is obviously that the cost of transportation will rise dramatically. To justify the argument, the author must supply sufficient evidence to explain that centralization is still an available and efficient way to improve profitability of Apogee Company in current business environments, including internal business environment and external business environment.

In sum, the author’s argument is not compelling. If the author supplied more data and more thorough analysis to prove that the decentralized operation is the mere reason of drop in profitability and that the mere centralized operation can cut costs and improve the profitability, the argument would have been more convincing and compelling.

happyfish0517

偶也打不了分~~偶自己家作文分还没有下来呢！~~

就帮你看下错误吧！！

happyfish0517

以下是引用yukon在2005-7-4 21:22:00的发言：

窃窃地发个自己写的argument，斑竹看看这水平大概多少分。

谢谢！

In the argument, the author concludes that, to improve profitability by cutting costs, Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct its operations from a single location. To strengthen this conclusion, the author cites the evidence that the Apogee Company was more profitable when it had all its operations in one location. For a couple of reasons, the argument is not very persuasive and sound.

First, the author implies that the decrease in profitability of Apogee Company is due to the decentralized operation. However, common senses tell me that the profitability of a company is affected by a host of factors such as the patent controlled by the company, the ability of leader,

单数可数名词不能单独存在...要么改成its leader、the leader,或者leaders...

and the economy trend of the country in which the company is located. In other words, there are many factors might affect the profitability. But, the author does not provide any evidence to explain whether other explanations for the dropped profitability have been considered and ruled out. To substantiate the argument, the author needs to thoroughly analyze the real driving forces of the dropped profitability.

Second, it is highly doubtable that the factors drawn from past experience is applicable to future operation. Even if the decentralized operation is the mere factor

个人感觉改成cause比较好，分权是导致获利能力下降的唯一原因，因素好像不大好...个人感觉...再斟酌~

leading to the drop in profitability, there is no evidence and statistics can

statistics which can...比较好...there be +n. + v是run on 句型。

indicate that the centralization will contribute to the profitability of Apogee Company as significantly as before. It is possible that, because the business environment has changed, the centralization cannot bring out the desired results to Apogee Company. For example, if the operation location is far from the reach of supply chains, it is obviously

用adj.

that the cost of transportation will rise dramatically. To justify the argument, the author must supply sufficient evidence to explain that centralization is still an available and efficient way to improve profitability of Apogee Company in current business environments, including internal business environment and external business environment.

In sum, the author’s argument is not compelling. If the author supplied more data and more thorough analysis to prove that the decentralized operation is the mere reason of drop in profitability and that the mere centralized operation can cut costs and improve the profitability, the argument would have been more convincing and compelling.

我的一些感觉哦：

1、字数差不多了，快400字了~~呵呵~~语法错误也很少~文字流畅通顺地说！~

2、重复的单词比较多，比如mere...还有那个A**** Company出现次数太多了。

3、两个理由有点少，而且lz基本都是攻击的provide no sufficient evidence这点，有点显得重复~。我个人觉得两个理由一个让步（即承认对方观点在某些情况下也可以成立，但这样的case太少见，所以构不成强有力的反对），或者三个理由，才能显得文章比较饱满立体。

4、提供我的思路：我喜欢1)攻击前提base the assertion on a dubious assumption that...，

2)攻击证据should provide some more persuasive evidence to convince us that, otherwise...，

3)攻击论证推导过程 also contain some crutial fallacies in the line of reasoning in this argument...

在至少其中两点里面有举例~或者on one hand 或者on the other hand的两面阐述。

等等，类似的...多看范文还是很有用的，推荐tony和rendongmin的帖子，还有其他在awa的加精的帖子，也都是很有价值的~

a za a za fighting...

其实写的不错了，awa的评分个人感觉比toefl的twe要松一些~真的~加油！~

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-4 22:16:20编辑过]

happyfish0517

有时间多的话最好还是写长一点~~高分的机会大些~

yukon

极其感谢！有所启发！谢谢happyfish0517好版主！

偶还要在开拓一下思路

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-5 19:30:34编辑过]

小女公子

以下是引用happyfish0517在2005-7-3 22:17:00的发言：

AWA的分数看你要考得方向了，MACC对AWA的分数要求不高，大概4.5就OKAY了；MBA和PHD就要高一些，至少要5分以上...

模版对作文字数的提高还是很有帮助的...AWA区有废话模版集啊~~可以参考！~：）

建议用小安的作文软件，每天做GWD模考前也真实地写两篇作文，一个星期，肯定就有感觉了。

如果对ISSUE的感觉不是特别大，可以把题目和CD上的建议提纲浏览一下，或者参与提纲讨论，开阔思路，同时在作阅读的时候也可以留心积累阅读文章中可以用来做例子的素材。等等

不论如何，作文是个长期积累的过程，多写才有感觉...如果想短期迅速提高，只有取巧的用模版，以及关注出题频率，至少掌握黄金80的写作提纲~

新官上任，，呵呵，好认真好负责～～～hug＋kiss

happyfish0517

嘿嘿...小女...你又来溜达~~

JUDY要考试...作文这边我得多担待一些~~JUDY以前帮那么多人改作文，包括帮我...我也得学习学习阿~~嘿嘿，虽然这两天整理行李整理得腰酸背痛哦~~

来个

嘿嘿~~