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請多多指教 我再PP練的一篇作文>>第一次發表>獻醜拉>>>

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楼主
发表于 2005-6-8 08:55:00 | 只看该作者

請多多指教 我再PP練的一篇作文>>第一次發表>獻醜拉>>>

The most interesting class ...



The most interesting class I have ever taken is Painting class. When I was an elementary school student, the most unforgettable class is the painting class. During the class, I can totally relax myself, show my idea on the paper and create my new world.


   ainting class is so different from other classes, because we have to use the elements like brush, pigment, and a piece of paper. The most interest thing for me is that I can paint what ever I want on the paper. A piece of paper is my world; I am the God of the paper so that I can do anything I like on it. Therefore, I feel so relax during painting.


  On that piece of paper not only relax myself but also show my idea on it. Some people have many ideas, but they do not know how to show. Especially in childhood, most children have a verity of ideas and dreams. Because they are too young to show it by words, the best way to let them illustrate their mind is by painting. In addition, some experts maintain that people can be read by their paintings, this significant point, is often ignored by most people.


  During painting class, I always create some ideas that I have ever think about it at all. Therefore, from those ideas, I find out more interesting things around my life. For instance, I can create a monster that nobody knows, and put on the color that is bright. Most people, after they grow up, they always circled by the society so that people start feel uncreative in their life. To remain this situation, I love to collect those ideas that I create, those will be helpful in my later life.

  ainting class is the most interesting class for me, because those advantages in that class are so excellent. Such as I can relax in that class, show my ideas and create my world. As the result, painting is the best class for me and I recommend to everybody
沙发
发表于 2005-6-9 01:07:00 | 只看该作者

恳请楼主先修改标题。


【发贴必读】--TWE标题格式说明!请不要省掉0!谢谢


TWE作文练习以TWE185的题目为准(资料指南和下载区均有下载)。
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例如: [求助]偶在挤牙膏, TWE161

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因为用单独的一个字符1是搜索不到的,


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同时: TWE-001和TWE001是不同的


请不要用横线或者空格, 有没有横线和空格的搜索结果也是不同的。



在正文里面, 恳请朋友们贴出完整题目, 方便大家探讨


所以恳请大家配合一下, 方便自己,方便后人。


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板凳
发表于 2005-6-11 08:47:00 | 只看该作者
我的几个拙见

第一段的开头两句话有点重复之嫌,可以合并成一句话,另外题目里有 interesting class,我看可以用wonderful or great or attractive等来代替:

所以第一段我改作:

Of the hundreds of classes in my long and colorful school life , the
most wonderful one, haunting in my memory , is the painting course
,which I took when I was a elementary pupil.It deeply attracted me
resulting from in this class I can totally relax myself ,freely express
my ideas to this strange but funny world on papers and show my own
world according to my inner .

先改第一段吧,待继续改。肚皮饿了,回家吃饭饭。
pingu426421和高手们多多提意见。



地板
发表于 2005-6-11 08:50:00 | 只看该作者
估计考试的时候一急就忘记怎么写了
5#
发表于 2005-6-12 10:48:00 | 只看该作者
During painting class, I always create some ideas that I have ever think about it at all. 。这句话的it我看是重复,是语法错误,about 的宾语是关系代词that。

Painting class我认为应该有定冠词来限定,在此题中很明显是特制。

most children have a verity of ideas and dreams. a verity是否应该改作the verities等复数形势,因为主语是复数

they always circled by the society so that people start feel uncreative in their life. 改作start to feel or start feeling .

觉得还是有些东西,我不敢确定是不是错误,真希望有人能一起面对面讨论一下。自己一个人很累且想偷懒。



嗯,这是我参照楼主的文章改写的,主要观点还是楼主的,有些话我变成我自己的,写完之后感觉这3 各论点有点重叠,我改者改者就写到另一个论点了。写得太慢,没有太多时间去整理了。请多多关照指点:



Of the hundreds of classes in my long and colorful school life , the
most wonderful one, haunting in my memory , is the painting course
,which I took when I was a elementary pupil.It deeply attracted me
resulting from in this class I can totally relax myself ,freely express
my ideas to this strange but funny world on papers and create my own
world according to my inner .



the painting class is different from others , because I fell relax
utterly when I was painting.I use the elements such as brush
,pigment,and paper to draw pictures and do not worry about that I can
not understand or miss some critical interpretation of questions.There
is also no or little pressure from the painting teacher.



another reason I prefer the painting class is that I can freely show my
ideas on papaers.In childhood ,children have their own verities of
ideas and dreams. Because they are too young to show them freely in
words ,undoubtedly ,the painting become the best way to let them
directly and explicitly illustrate their minds.some experts maintain
that people can be read by their paintings ,but this significant point
is often ignored by most the mass.



During the painting class, I always create ideas that I have ever
thought at all.Therefore, form those ideas,I found more interesting
things that happened around me .For instance,I can draw a non-existing
monster that nobody know it,and put it into a bright color. these
creative activities stimulate me to watch this world more
carefully  and get to be helpful in my later life.



In a word, the painting class is the most interesting one for me
,because those advantages are so excellent such as relaxing myself
,showing my ideas and creating my world .So I recommend such a great
class to everybody .
6#
发表于 2005-6-12 13:42:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用redfox在2005-6-12 10:48:00的发言:
During painting class, I always create some ideas that I have ever think about it at all. 。这句话的it我看是重复,是语法错误,about 的宾语是关系代词that。
Painting class我认为应该有定冠词来限定,在此题中很明显是特制。
most children have a verity of ideas and dreams. a verity是否应该改作the verities等复数形势,因为主语是复数
they always circled by the society so that people start feel uncreative in their life. 改作start to feel or start feeling .

觉得还是有些东西,我不敢确定是不是错误,真希望有人能一起面对面讨论一下。自己一个人很累且想偷懒。

嗯,这是我参照楼主的文章改写的,主要观点还是楼主的,有些话我变成我自己的,写完之后感觉这3 各论点有点重叠,我改者改者就写到另一个论点了。写得太慢,没有太多时间去整理了。请多多关照指点:


Of the hundreds of classes in my long and colorful school life , the
most wonderful one, haunting in my memory , is the painting course
,which I took when I was a elementary pupil.It deeply attracted me
resulting from in this class I can totally relax myself ,freely express
my ideas to this strange but funny world on papers and create my own
world according to my inner .


the painting class is different from others , because I fell relax
utterly when I was painting.I use the elements such as brush
,pigment,and paper to draw pictures and do not worry about that I can
not understand or miss some critical interpretation of questions.There
is also no or little pressure from the painting teacher.


another reason I prefer the painting class is that I can freely show my
ideas on papaers.In childhood ,children have their own verities of
ideas and dreams. Because they are too young to show them freely in
words ,undoubtedly ,the painting become the best way to let them
directly and explicitly illustrate their minds.some experts maintain
that people can be read by their paintings ,but this significant point
is often ignored by most the mass.


During the painting class, I always create ideas that I have ever
thought at all.Therefore, form those ideas,I found more interesting
things that happened around me .For instance,I can draw a non-existing
monster that nobody know it,and put it into a bright color. these
creative activities stimulate me to watch this world more
carefully  and get to be helpful in my later life.


In a word, the painting class is the most interesting one for me
,because those advantages are so excellent such as relaxing myself
,showing my ideas and creating my world .So I recommend such a great
class to everybody .

实在是太精彩啦!!好久没看到这么好的贴了!

俺认真地拜读了文章的内容,划线的地方不太确定是否有问题,请redfox再看看。

7#
发表于 2005-6-14 10:50:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢pengstone 的指点。





resulting from 我感觉这么用法是对的,是动名词结构作非限制性状语从句,请问pengstone你是怎么理解的?


fell relax 是语法错误


most the mass 应该也对吧?我想表达的意思是大多数人,还有什么别的表达方式么?
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-6-14 14:38:00 | 只看该作者

謝謝大家的支持與用心>>>好感動喔>>>我會加油的

9#
发表于 2005-6-14 19:50:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用redfox在2005-6-14 10:50:00的发言:
谢谢pengstone 的指点。



resulting from 我感觉这么用法是对的,是动名词结构作非限制性状语从句,请问pengstone你是怎么理解的?                            resulting from本身没问题,但后面接了一大段从句好像很别扭

fell relax 是语法错误


most the mass 应该也对吧?我想表达的意思是大多数人,还有什么别的表达方式么? 就用the vast majority


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