TWE 96 请改改.

EFgroup333

初次练笔,烦请各位牛人改改,指点一二. 谢谢啦.

96. People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

In modern society, people always face the dilemma to choose what is the best method of reducing stress.  This problem is much-debated one in that it affects everybody in their daily life.  eople may prefer one to another although some may have no opinions about it at all.  From my point of view, I will choose exercising, traveling and reading to reduce the pressure.  My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The essential reason for my propensity to support exercising as the way of reducing stress is that doing exercise will add up people’s energy. There is no denying fact that exercising is the best way to keep person’s bones healthy and give person more strength.  It can be given a concrete example that more and more people like to joy fitness club that will allow they release their stress and refresh their spirit. Moreover, after they exercise, people feel not only stronger but also all emotional releasing.  Most people can not live without some exercises.

Furthermore, what is worth nothing fact is that traveling and reading also can reduce people’s stress.  This demonstrates the undeniable fact that the fresh air and blossoms flowers will bring a kind of renew environment.  When people take a vacation, people can totally relax.  Meantime, they will enjoy enormous amount time to contact with nature or reading some interesting books.

Although I choose that some ways to reduce stress, there are also have other ways for reducing stress, such as, go shipping or listening music. But taking account of all these factors and recognizing facts, to be franks, I would like to choose doing exercises, traveling and reading for reducing stress.

If all the factors above are considered, we will find out the advantages of exercising, traveling and reading for reducing stress.  Therefore from what we have discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that choosing to do exercise, to go travel and reading is a rather wise decision.  No one can ignore the added convenience and satisfaction offered by choosing some ways to reduce pressure.  Such experience will definitely be helpful in people’s later life.

Veronica_Melody

In the beginning you mentioned that you were viewing this from a student's perspective, but you didn't re-state that in the end.
Just a minor part.
overall, it's good~
Good luck

In modern society, people always face the dilemma to choose what is the best method of reducing stress.  This problem is much-debated one in that it affects everybody in their (his or her, because “everyone” is singular) daily life.  People may prefer one to (over) another although some may have no opinions about it at all.  From my point of view, I will choose exercising, traveling and reading to reduce the pressure.  My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The essential reason for my propensity to support exercising as the way of reducing stress is that doing exercise will add up people’s energy.(This sentence is too long, and the point is not clear)  There is no denying fact that exercising is the best way to keep person’s bones healthy and give person more strength.  It can be given a concrete example that more and more people like to joy (join??) fitness club that will allow they(them) (to)  release their stress and refresh their spirit (spirits) . Moreover, after they exercise, people feel not only stronger but also all emotional releasing(but also a sense of emotional release).  Most people can not (cannot, it’s one word) live without some exercises.

Furthermore, what is worth nothing fact is that traveling and reading also can reduce people’s stress.  This demonstrates the undeniable fact that the fresh air and blossoms flowers will bring a kind of renew environment.  When people take a vacation, people can totally relax.  Meantime, they will enjoy enormous amount time to contact with nature or reading some interesting books. (Enjoy and read should be in same verb tense)

Although I choose that some ways to reduce stress,(awkwardly written)  there are also have other ways for reducing stress, such as, go shipping or listening music. But taking account of all these factors and recognizing facts, to be franks, (to be frankly) I would like to choose doing exercises, traveling and reading for reducing stress.

If all the factors above are considered, we will find out the advantages of exercising, traveling and reading for reducing stress.  Therefore from what we have discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that choosing to do exercise, to go travel and reading is a rather wise decision.  No one can ignore the added convenience and satisfaction offered by choosing some ways to reduce pressure.  Such experience will definitely be helpful in people’s later life.

EFgroup333

知错而该之.

谢谢啦!