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哪位朋友可以帮我看看,作文是在是我心中的痛啊,发愁啊.

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楼主
发表于 2005-4-12 01:23:00 | 只看该作者

哪位朋友可以帮我看看,作文是在是我心中的痛啊,发愁啊.


刚刚学写作文,连抄带编, 好难写的作文啊,还请高人指教,谢了,


    Building a shopping center in our community


Regarding the question of whether it is better to build a shopping mall in our community or not, Please have diverse opinions. Some people think that is a good idea, while others disagree it. In my point of view, I think building a shopping center near our community is good. There are many reasons supporting my view.


First, setting a shopping center in community is much convenience. To illustrate this point, one example is very persuasive. One the weekend, you do not need get up early and drive through the heavy traffic to get the shopping mall. You only need take 10 minutes to get there without any traffic toll. Compared with spending over one hour to get there, you can save a lot of time. It is a good thing for each community citizens, isn’t it?


Nowadays, the shopping center becomes more and more mixed-use and multi-function. It contains lots entertainment stuffs, like cinema, bookstore, food corner etc. As a result, going shopping mall is not only traditional shop, but also makes people more relaxable and enjoyable. Now, more and more people like stay in shopping mall with their family instead of going outside, because the shopping center can match every member of family whatever younger or older.


Finally, although the shopping center near our community will bring some problems, such as noise, crowed. It can be avoidable if we handle it well. I believe the community and its residents will be benefit greatly from it.   






沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2005-4-12 01:26:00 | 只看该作者

不好意思,忘改字体了,重发一下.

Building a shopping center in our community

Regarding the question of whether it is better to build a shopping mall in our community or not, Please have diverse opinions. Some people think that is a good idea, while others disagree it. In my point of view, I think building a shopping center near our community is good. There are many reasons supporting my view.

First, setting a shopping center in community is much convenience. To illustrate this point, one example is very persuasive. One the weekend, you do not need get up early and drive through the heavy traffic to get the shopping mall. You only need take 10 minutes to get there without any traffic toll. Compared with spending over one hour to get there, you can save a lot of time. It is a good thing for each community citizens, isn’t it?

Nowadays, the shopping center becomes more and more mixed-use and multi-function. It contains lots entertainment stuffs, like cinema, bookstore, food corner etc. As a result, going shopping mall is not only traditional shop, but also makes people more relaxable and enjoyable. Now, more and more people like stay in shopping mall with their family instead of going outside, because the shopping center can match every member of family whatever younger or older.

Finally, although the shopping center near our community will bring some problems, such as noise, crowed. It can be avoidable if we handle it well. I believe the community and its residents will be benefit greatly from it.   

板凳
发表于 2005-4-12 12:02:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用完美天使在2005-4-12 1:23:00的发言:



刚刚学写作文,连抄带编, 好难写的作文啊,还请高人指教,谢了,


    Building a shopping center in our community


Regarding the question of whether it is better to build a shopping mall in our community or not, Please have diverse opinions. Some people think that is a good idea, while others disagree it. In my point of view, I think building a shopping center near our community is good. There are many reasons supporting my view.



First, setting a shopping center in community is much convenience. To illustrate this point, one example is very persuasive. One the weekend, you do not need get up early and drive through the heavy traffic to get the shopping mall. You only need take 10 minutes to get there without any traffic toll. Compared with spending over one hour to get there, you can save a lot of time. It is a good thing for each community citizens, isn’t it?



Nowadays, the shopping center becomes more and more mixed-use and multi-function. It contains lots entertainment stuffs, like cinema, bookstore, food corner etc. As a result, going shopping mall is not only traditional shop, but also makes people more relaxable and enjoyable. Now, more and more people like stay in shopping mall with their family instead of going outside, because the shopping center can match every member of family whatever younger or older.



Finally, although the shopping center near our community will bring some problems, such as noise, crowed. It can be avoidable if we handle it well. I believe the community and its residents will be benefit greatly from it.   











第一,TWE不需要标题

第二,没有结论段落

第三,不建议用FIRST, SECOND这样的表达,比较单调了。












..." href="http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=63945&page=1">◆发贴必读◆关于TWE作文练习讨论的格式说明◆重要! 资料总结91735 2005-1-15 10:50 | sking_21


另外请求修改一下标题,谢谢





[此贴子已经被作者于2005-4-12 12:05:31编辑过]
地板
发表于 2005-4-13 00:07:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用完美天使在2005-4-12 1:26:00的发言:

不好意思,忘改字体了,重发一下.


Building a shopping center in our community


Regarding the question of whether it is better to build a shopping mall in our community or not, Please have diverse opinions. Some people think that is a good idea, while others disagree it. In my point of view, I think building a shopping center near our community is good. There are many reasons supporting my view.



First, setting a shopping center in (our)community is much convenience(will make our live more convenient). To illustrate this point, one example is very persuasive. One the weekend, you do not need (to) get up early and drive through the heavy traffic to get the shopping mall. You only need take 10 minutes to get there without any traffic toll. Compared with spending over one hour to get there, you can save a lot of time. It is a good thing for each community citizens, isn’t it?



(缺个主题句,比如: Moreover, many shopping malls are multifunctional and therefore can make our life more enjoyable). Nowadays, the shopping center becomes more and more mixed-use and multi-function. It contains lots entertainment stuffs, like cinema, bookstore, food corner etc. As a result, going shopping mall is not only traditional shop, but also makes people more relaxable and enjoyable. Now, more and more people like stay in shopping mall with their family instead of going outside, because the shopping center can match every member of family whatever younger or older.



Finally, although the shopping center near our community will bring some problems, such as noise, crowed. It can be avoidable if we handle it well. I believe the community and its residents will be benefit greatly from it.   









需要有一个独立的结尾来总结你的观点。

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-4-13 00:30:00 | 只看该作者

多谢指点,还是不太明白,怎么样才能算是一个结论性的结尾呢?

多谢指点,还是不太明白,怎么样才能算是一个结论性的结尾呢?
6#
发表于 2005-4-13 00:39:00 | 只看该作者
找snow_mountain和Pengstone的文章看看吧。
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