ARGUMENT 31---求批求改（第一篇）

narcismq

In this argument, the author concludes that Parson City residents care more about public school education than do Blue City residents. To substanticate the viewpoint, several evidents is illustrated. Parson typically budgets twice as much money per year as Blue City does for public school. Given that the two city have about the same number of residents and the majority of the money invested comes from taxes, the author therefore make the assertation above.  The reasoning line may appear to be correct yet close scruitinize of each of the evidences reveals that none of them lend credible support towards the conclusion.

First, the author unfairly implys that more money is spent on public schools for the evidence that Parson typically budgets twice money on public schools. However the evidence do not provide sufficient information thus making the implication unconvicing. It is possible that the whole tax income in Parson City is more than twice of Blue City, then the relative invest is actually even less. Without supportive information rendered, the argument is surely impaired.

Second, given that the two city have same number of residents and the money devoted is more in Parson City, the author assumes that every individual student have received more invest.  Yet there are no data concerning the total number of teenagers suitable for education in the two cities. It is entirly possible that there are more than twice teenagers in Parson City thus the even more money is needed to ensure their proper education. Since the author has not adequately respond to this concern, the claim that citizens in Parson City care more about education than Blue city is untenable.

Third, even if more information is render to support the evidence, the author fails to consider the real factor to evaluate how much the citizen of the two city concerns about education. It is not how much money they devoted but their attitude toward education. To better support the conclusion, it would be essential to conduct a survey on how the citizen value the education. Besides that, the author also fail to tell how much money is used to ensure better education.Perhaps the money is not used wisely, such as building grandiose school gates rather than hiring good teacher.

In conclusion, the evidence provided above is not rigorous enough to substantiate the claim. To convince me of the claim, an additional survey is needed to provide information about the attitude toward education in the two city.

narcismq

In each city in the region of Treehaven, the majority of the money spent on government-run public school education comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the value they place on public education. For example, Parson City typically budgets twice as much money per year as Blue City does for its public schools-even though both cities have about the same number of residents. It seems clear, therefore, that Parson City residents care more about public school education than do Blue City residents.

narcismq

上面是题目   Introduction 是evidence类型的  求各路大神指教

竹林中人

我觉得写得还是不错的，语言功底很好。几个点也写得比较到位，加油

narcismq

可是我上次考试只拿了2.5 不知道自己问题出在哪表示很焦虑 而且现在申请就要用  2.5实在不能看。。。  求拯救

patrickgmail

可是我上次考试只拿了2.5 不知道自己问题出在哪表示很焦虑 而且现在申请就要用  2.5实在不能看。。。  求拯救

-- by 会员 narcismq (2012/10/6 10:32:27)

hey got ya!