[写作小分队]新人备考九月底托福，请大家多多指教

ni_kate

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-8-26 22:06
8.25 独立[369]Do you agree that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning?红色修改 蓝 ...

接受兄台的意见，词汇量是得扩充，但写的时候不容易想起来用。关于评分标准，个人听老师说，更注重文章的逻辑....所以个人很注重细节的说理....

ni_kate

8.26 独立

Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserved high salaries to be paid?

Nowadays, once a professional athletes won the Olympic game or any other global games, this athlete would be a star. A star is paid for high salary to do advertisement. Do you think that athletes deserved high salaries to be paid? Someone maybe disagree this pinot. As far as my consider, athletes devoted a plenty of time and energy to their career. They deserved high salaries to be paid. There are several statements supporting to my opinion.

The health of athletes is influenced during training time. At the beginning, sporters must do serious train. After game, they must maintain some excise stricter and harder. Athlete's body is stress for a long time. As we all know, a famous athlete is Axing Liu. He broke the record of 110m hurdle in the world. Few years later, his injury become more and more critical. He even didn't continue taking part in the game. Many people said what a pity. Athlete's high salary is at the expense of healthy body. It's deserved to pay high salaries for athletes.

Athletes get great achievements for their countries. With the process of one global sporting game, all world's attention is doused on this. The medal ranking is updated every day. Who broke the record will be the hero to represent his country. Such as Phelps, he broke the record of swimming in Beijing Olympic game. American is very pound of him. Everyone cheers to celebrate his achievement in America. What athlete achieve stands for one nation. They deserved high salaries to be paid. Why not?

Although some of athletes don't get high leve about degree, they also have good character. It's worth to learn from them, such as insist, honest, and no giving up. Improved with someone that gets high salary to do harm for people, athletes are deserved to be respect. Above of all, the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserved high salaries to be paid.

19911006

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-27 17:43
8.26 独立
Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player d ...

Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserved high salaries to be paid?

Nowadays, once a professional athletes won the Olympic game or any other global games, this athlete would be a star. A star is paid for high salary to do advertisement. Do you think that athletes deserved high salaries to be paid? Someone maybe disagree this pinot. As far as my consider, athletes devoted a plenty of time and energy to their career. They deserved high salaries to be paid. There are several statements supporting to my opinion.

The health of athletes is influenced during training time. At the beginning, sporters must do serious(harsh) training. After game, they must maintain some excise stricter and harder. Athlete's body is stress for a long time. As we all know, a famous athlete is Axing Liu. He broke the record of 110m hurdle in the world. Few years later, his injury become more and more critical. He even didn't continue taking part in the game. Many people said what a pity. Athlete's high salary is at the expense of healthy body. It's deserved to pay high salaries for athletes.

Athletes get(bring) great achievements for(to) their countries. With the process of one global sporting game, all world's attention is doused on this. The medal ranking is updated every day. Who broke the record will be the hero to represent his(the) country. Such as Phelps, he broke the record of swimming in Beijing Olympic game. American is very pound of him. Everyone cheers to celebrate his achievement in America. What athlete achieve stands for one nation. They deserved high salaries to be paid. Why not?

Although some of athletes don't get high level about degree, they also have good character. It's worth to learn from them, such as insist, honest, and no giving up. Improved with someone that gets high salary to do harm for people, athletes are deserved to be respect.

Above of all, the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserved high salaries to be paid.
整篇文章中式英语的很挤很明显，此外，逻辑不是很好，比如说让步转折那一段，和文章没什么很大的联系，显得好突兀,开头的话累赘的语言很多

laneesherry

同学你昨天的综合呢？要是没有写的话我只能明天再帮你改了

ni_kate

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-28 01:48
同学你昨天的综合呢？要是没有写的话我只能明天再帮你改了

恩恩，不好意思哦~昨天有事儿.....TPO20音频不知道怎么的没有了....

ni_kate

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-28 01:48
同学你昨天的综合呢？要是没有写的话我只能明天再帮你改了

TPO20
The reading passage argues that the "let it burn" policy caused damage as soon as they appeared. However, the professor raises serious counterarguments against the reading paragraph by providing three aspects as listed below:

First, according to the speaker, vegetation will have new plan to grow after fires. New plants which became more deserve than before existed in the Yellowstone. Also, it was a better place for seeds to grow  high.

Second, the reading states that the fire cause large animals were seen fleeing, smaller species were unable to escape, and influence the habitats and food chairs for animals. The professor, however, stated that population had already recovered and created some ideal habitats for small animals. After fire, animals can find second food, and certain food was stronger than before.

Finally, after "let it burn",the Yellowstone became famous and popular. The population of tourist wasn't reduced. The lecture says the fire in 1988 was unusual and it didn't happen every year. This point refutes the view stated in the reading passage.

laneesherry

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-28 17:25
TPO20
The reading passage argues that the "let it burn" policy caused damage as soon as they appea ...

The reading passage argues that the "let it burn" policy caused damage as soon as they appeared. However, the professor raises serious counterarguments against the reading paragraph by providing three aspects as listed below:

First, according to the speaker, vegetation will have new plan to grow after fires. New plants which became more deserve than before existed in the Yellowstone. Also, it was a better place for seeds to grow high. (此段没有提及任何的阅读相关内容，最好还是提及一下。）

Second, the reading states that the fire cause large animals were seen fleeing, smaller species were unable to escape, and influence the habitats and food chairs for animals. The professor, however, stated that population had already recovered and created some ideal habitats for small animals. After fire, animals can find second food, and certain food was stronger than before.（本段该有的分论点基本上已经可以全部写出）

Finally, after "let it burn",the Yellowstone became famous and popular. The population of tourist wasn't reduced. The lecture says the fire in 1988 was unusual and it didn't happen every year. This point refutes the view stated in the reading passage. （关于驳倒的是文章中的具体哪个观点，最好还是说一下）


感觉同学有些重听力轻阅读啊……其实两部分在综合写作中同样重要的说。
请继续加油~

ni_kate

9.4独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: All high-school students should take basic economic courses.

Nowadays, with the development of national economy, more and more people get high-level salary.There is a question. Do you think all high- school students should take basic economics courses. Someone may disagree it, they think students haven't into the society. Someone may agree with it, they say it's a important course in advance. For my opinion, all high-school students should take basic economic courses. There are serval statements supporting the idea.

Teaching students how to manage money is useful for their daily lives. Teenagers also should face with many choices in market. What is real useful to them? They should learn how to identify. The son of my aunt often buy different kinds of snacks after school. Because of it, he become more ane more heavy. He doesn't know costing money to buy excessive snacks is bad for his health. If he uses the rest of money to buy some books or school supplies, it must be real useful. Economic courses is related to life closely. Students can learn how to manage money and think about some problems in daily. Economic courses is necessary for all high-school students.

Learning economic courses can extend the knowledge of all high-school students. Economy is a part of sociology. High-school students learn many kinds of courses, such as math, language, biology, english and so on. On the other hand, it's need a course to let students know more about modern Society. Economic course is that. According to an experiment, students learning about economic courses are paying more attention to Society. There is a student, Jack. After economic course, he ask an question to his mother, why does the princes are different annually? He started to thinking continually. How useful in lives, all high-school students should take basic economic courses.

Above these statements, someone may still have questions. Is it true that economic courses is necessary to all students? Although economic course isn't fundamental course, it's useful to student's daily lives. We can find different kinds of economic problems in our lives. Think about it and investigate it. We can find an answer. All high-school students should take basic economic courses.

iammuse

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-21 22:20
8.21 独立写作
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？Do you think paren ...

http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=245411
我的写完了，现在帮你改哈

iammuse

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-21 22:20
8.21 独立写作
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？Do you think paren ...

修改如附件哈，我也是水平有限，只想到这些。