[写作小分队]新人备考九月底托福，请大家多多指教

ni_kate

iammuse 发表于 2013-9-5 17:13
修改如附件哈，我也是水平有限，只想到这些。

灰常感谢，你又帮我改了这个话题~今天写的我发到别的地方改好了，嘻嘻~

ni_kate

9.8独立

School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, give teacher who has efficient teaching rewards. So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?  

Nowadays, schools always collect information to improve their quality of education. Some information is from teachers, some information is from students. Which one is more useful? Maybe you will say that teachers are experienced and are the only speaker in class. By contrast, students are listeners. In my opinions, the information of students is more useful than teachers. There are several statements supporting my idea.

The information of students makes known about lesson directly. Students are listeners in classes, and they are the target of teaching. What teacher teach is letting students know about it. Different students have different ability. But, the teacher is only one in class. My aunt's son is in high school. After classes, he often ask teacher some questions that he didn't understand. His teacher always answer the questions seriously, and he can tell other students about this question in next lesson. It's very useful. The problem of students can consider some point teachers didn't know.

Students' information improves teacher's efficiency in work. Without the question of students, teachers only to teach what books say and what they consider. If they know the information of students, they can contact with it to teach better. A teacher named jake, students often felt boring in his class at beginning. After he know what students' interests, his lesson become more vivid than before, and students also become active.

According to the preceding part, let you know the information of students is useful. Although the information of teacher is more professional, it can't make know the effect of classes. What students say, what students consider, and what students interest are more useful than the information of teacher.

虫虫爱吃菜

ni_kate 发表于 2013-9-9 11:22
9.8独立School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it ...

Nowadays, schools always collect information(此处的information后面加个about....我觉得会更好一点) to improve their quality of education. Some information is from teachers, some(other之类的表达起来比some好一点吧？总用some有点重复） information is from students. Which one is more useful? Maybe you will say that teachers are experienced and are the only speaker in class. By contrast, students are listeners. In my opinions, the information of students(the information from students） is more useful than teachers(than前后的对比项要一致）. There are several statements supporting my idea. (感觉楼主对于自己的观点表达不是很直接，而且表达上有点问题）

The information of students makes known about lesson directly.(句子的结构有问题） Students are listeners in classes, and they are the target of teaching(表达太中式了）. What teacher teach is letting students know about it(it指什么？还有前面teach要用第三人称单数）. Different students have different ability(单复数）. But, the teacher is only one in class. My aunt's son(为什么不直接说你cousin） is in high school. After classes, he often ask teacher some questions that he didn't(时态跟前面不一样呀） understand. His teacher always answer the questions seriously, and he can tell other students about this question in next lesson. It's very useful. The problem of students can consider some point teachers didn't know. (论述的是不是有点偏了）

Students' information improves teacher's efficiency in work. Without the question of students, teachers only to teach what books say and what they consider. If they know the information of(跟前面的问题一样） students, they can contact with it to teach better(表达有点问题）. A teacher named jake(名字首字母要大写）, students often felt(时态） boring in his class at beginning. After he know what students' interests(这个词的跟楼主想要表达的意思不同）, his lesson become more vivid than before, and students also become active.

According to the preceding part, let you know the information of students is useful. Although the information of teacher is more professional, it can't make know the effect of classes. What students say, what students consider, and what students interest are more useful than the information of teacher.

整体来说：楼主的语言表达问题还是有点问题的，有些地方中文痕迹过重；还觉得楼主的结构方面应该再加强一点。

虫虫爱吃菜

还没有等到你的综合写作，我得上飞机了。你要是发了我尽量12点前改好！

ni_kate

虫虫爱吃菜 发表于 2013-9-9 19:37
还没有等到你的综合写作，我得上飞机了。你要是发了我尽量12点前改好！

实在不好意思......今天有些忙，才回到宿舍....我现在就给你改独立~~

ni_kate

虫虫爱吃菜 发表于 2013-9-9 19:37
还没有等到你的综合写作，我得上飞机了。你要是发了我尽量12点前改好！

。。。。。。。。。

ni_kate

Listen to the lucture in astronomy class. Last week we cover some arguments against going back  the moon. But there are compared favor other moon they are landing to. not less which they try to  the moon's age We couldn do this in theroy by studying nomal increder. known as the selfpro acter basin. it's located self pole regent, but sees like far side than the moon It can only be seen from space. Here is a image of we will call it SPA basin. This a color of SPA basin. Those are asture color actually. This is image is from the mid 1890 from  American spacecraft called planmentime. Unlike earlier intercter, planmentime didn't obey the only intercreter. well they means a selfpot. The purple and blue call SPA basin itself The oranges and reds are around it are higher relation. The basin measured massive 4005 kilometer and determeter. And the every step is kilometers. That make sense it the biggest in our system. And the will be the oldest. you know researchers love studying deep intercters the impact they created them. How they read pieces of plas. And in this case, we especially want to know any about where is  the motor nify crift. What is supposed by the impact. Not everyone agrees. But some experts convince whatever created icekre basin. deep ba the moon's motel  and  we need to find out because much more than the crust. the motel can the information of total compeztion. And that is key that understand plant comp. So the only way to know the basin's age is studying the rock directly? well for video service data. we know that the basion can contain much smaller creators. So much be really old about 4 millions years give a hundreds years. But, that's not very much persist. If we have rock sample to study. We know whether how small during formation. or if resulted from later little showers. But if we know around how old the basin is it. I'm not sure reason as enough go to  the moon again. such crud it is we can do better than that. Besides, there is other things we investing. like is there water i saw the moon. so some  there problem i stay. also for a later mention. and by inference water. and the middle underground where there is water, how they get there, underground rivers? we see or. tell a commons. may have introduce water. that water probably be freezed. because the full of are always in shallow. Futhermore, if water rock and dust. it probable for reputation. So you perhaps say life on the moon? That is not my point at all. ok, say there i saw in the moon That will be very previous video for astronauts. water a pr for drinking. oxygen could be used to breath. hydrogen could be use fuel. So water as could be able to use self in the moon someday. really does have fantastic story to tellthat could be to expensive? promate maybe a waste of we shouldn't have a waste for that. the dust of SPA basin I couldn't give a few sample of it. 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

ni_kate

9.25号独立

For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more

on very young children education rather than on universities?

When it comes to the education system, some think government should focus its budget more on very young children, the others believe focusing government's budget more on universities is better. Nowadays there is a growing awareness that government should focus its budget more on very young children for successful development of a country. I agree this point.There are several statements supporting the idea.

When someone was a child, it more easy to develop his/her nature or character. A child accepts new thoughts and ideas more easily, and he/she are curious about anythings around. They want to find, try, create. For example, my cousin often ask some interesting questions for his parent or me. They want to find out answer in school, according to their teacher. government provide more budget on teachers' tains, the skill and capacity of teachers improved. It's good for children, and the influence will be maintain among their entire lives.

Another equally important aspect is that better atmosphere can have a impact on the grow of children. Government should spend some parts of budget on the building of school or studying resources. Childers's emotion can be influenced by atmosphere, somewhere fresh, peace, or enjoyable, the character of children will be improved well. In addition, when i was a child, my school located near a rive, along many trees, this scenery make me feel happy and quiet. It is good for studying. It is necessary that government spend budget on improving surrounds.

Certainly, focusing on universities has its own advantages, such as it's good for academic research. But it already have spent much money on it. The very young children education needs more attention. From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that for the development of a country, government should take more focus on very young children education.

ni_kate

9.26 TPO21 综合
While the reading contribute that planting genetically modified trees on a large scale promises to bring a number of benefits, the professor there are still lots of problems, and professor think modified plant can cause damage and questions among serval areas.

Firstly, According to the reading passage, modified trees are more likely to survive than unmodified counterparts. However, the professor make it clear that the modified trees was all dead, and the professor thinks that it is necessary to modified trees.

In addition, the professor acknowledges that farms still have to pay for the cost of planting, and even more than before. According to the reading passage, farmer can get greater and faster returns. That is a opposition between the reading passage and lecture.

Finally, both the reading passage and the lecture mention the influence of wild trees. The professor claims that modified trees damage to wild trees, and many kind of species are be restored, to argue against the readings statement that the use of genetically modified trees are prevent overexploitation of wild trees.

In conclude, the lecturer firmly believe that modified trees have big problems, and these problems are more important than benefits.

ni_kate

9.26 独立

Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the

ability to take responsibility for mistakes?

Nowadays there is a growing discussion that what is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader? Some think the ability to take responsibility for mistakes is the most important, or the others believe the ability of leading or cooperate is more important than that. I agree the later one, which is ability to lead members to work and get together with every members in one team.

As a good leader, he or she should know how to lead a group is necessary firstly. In one team, you are a leader or political, if you do not know how to solve one project, other members will be confused about doing work. For example, during my internship, my leader is an old person than us, called Jake. He often assign different mission to different person, and everyone know how to do this job directly. This project finished very well, in the end. It is why I say that the ability of leading and organizing is the most important for a good political or leader.

To understand the truth of the most important characteristic of a leader, it is also important to see that the capture of communication is necessary for a leader. Leader is the most important part of one team, he or she should to communicate with customer or panter as the symbol of the team. We still talk my leader, Jack. When we have project, he always try to find many customers in different areas. To wide the influence of our company, he often get along with many people. You know the result, our project spread wildly and popular. So I think a leader should know how to communicate with different kind of people, and built a good relationship with customer.

Of course, if we had a mistake in the end of more project, the leader must take the responsibility. But if we all do mission very well by ourselves, and the entire project is finished very successful. There are no mistake that should find someone to take responsibility. So it is important that try our best to do work at the beginning.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that the ability to take responsibility for mistake is not the most important of a good political or business leader. A good leader should know how to lead his or her members, and get along with people very well.