Argument 2 求修改！

jowett1985

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.

"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

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The author concludes that the birth ordercan affect an individual's level of stimulation indeed by citing several experiments and comparison. However, the clues presented is far from sufficient to substantiate the author's conclusion, which require more persuasive evidences.

Firstly, it is not the birth order but thecommon characteristic of primates, such as human beings and monkeys that make them have higher hormone cortisol level when they encounter some kinds of stimulations. In order to get used to the nature and avoid the attack of their enemies, a lot of animals nowadays will generate much more hormone cortisol when they are in some dangerous environment, which could be the real reason that cause the author's assertion.

Additionally, animals with different agemight generate different amount of hormone cortisol when they encounter thesame stimulation. Take the survey in the author's argument for example, the monkey mothers and humans with several springs usually are much older than the firstborn ones. So the age could be the key factor to result high level of hormone cortisol which can not be determined by the author's survey. Due this reason, the author fail to establish a solid connection between hormone cortisol level and the birth order.

Finally, to our common sense, emotion couldbe another important influence on our hormone cortisol. For example, when somebody is taking a very hard exam, his face may become very red and the temperatureof his body may raise obviously. All these are caused by the generation of hormone cortisol. So hormone cortisol increase when monkeys or humans encounter stimulation, such as the return of a parent after an absence, can also attributed to this kind of impaction, which has nothing to do with birth order.

All in all, the argument is problematic inlacking of strong and suffice evidence. To perfect the argument, the author is suggested to supplement the crucial evidence mentioned above and taking scientific methods to determine what cause the variation of hormone cortisollevel.

竹林中人

作者能说下这道题是怎么想的吗？我怎么感觉像是Issue了

普渡哥

同意楼上，作者应该更深入地论证，可以举例。