9-28 追梦CY的作文帖，希望和大家一起进步！

追梦CY

9-28考试，已经很久没有写过作文了，希望各位看官严格要求，欢迎各种批评指导建议！
祝愿大家都能够取得理想的成绩(*￣▽￣)y

[0902]独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.

The length of vacation time is always a headache of the HRs' in various of companies, as a bit of adjustment in vacation time may not only have influence on employees' mood, but also bring about changes in  working efficiency, royalty to the company, as well as culture of the whole enterprise. In my mind, a job with more vacation time beneifts a lot for many reasons.


To start with, a longer vacation time may stimulate the working efficiency of the whole company. Since people have more free time out of work, they may totally relax themselves, by taking a sun bath, go hiking, and watching soap operas on the couch, etc. Compared to an employee who is exhausted, an energetic man after holiday time is more efficient and less likely to make mistakes in work. What's more , it is so widely seen in China that an "overworking"  employee has more probability to commit a suicide or get some mental illness, worsening the working atmosphere in the company in a long run.


More vacation time, secondly, seems to be a artificial bonus for employees for behaving well in daily works. As a stimulus, a longer holiday is regarded more enjoyable than a bonus for working extra hours by many employees in survey. My mother is awarded for the star of year 2012 in her company, and she feels so excited about enjoying her 7-day-long travel to Yunnan Province. To some extent, permitting employees more vacation time may boost their satisifaction and improve their royalty to the company, as for they can feel actually the carefulness and close attention from their boss.


Consequently, it is also a wonderful choice for the company to organize part of its employees to go on holidays together. As for my father, he is a big fun of traveling with his colleagues on vacation. Those colleagues who are strict and rigid in office will express another aspect in group activities, for example climbing the mountains. If employees are given more vacation time to take joint part in some activities, they are sure to bond with each other and build trust. Therefore, there is no need for a company to set aside some money on improving the culture of company.


To sum up, a longer vacation time is no more than an amazing idea both for employees and for the company in several aspects. I bet a job with more time for vacation will be more popular and competitive!

413words 45min  严重超时了……最后发现还有点偏题(￣_￣|||)

perfectends

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-15 22:49
914作文
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's ...

这么有福气啊。。。

超级无敌小鹤鹤

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-17 10:32
看到鹤鹤的细心修改+改写真心感动，而且很膜拜啊！
我写的里面有一些地方意思容易理解错，还有很多表达用 ...

哈哈 作文就是比较出来的 慢慢比较各种表达 然后学习一些好的~~

sherlock1992

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-17 22:18
谢谢Sherlock！要是我自己改这个作文要批死了，我得努力提高打字速度了，老是没时间检查啊！
还有很羡慕 ...

友情推荐《10天突破新托福essays》，论坛里有下的。PS：我绝非广告党

追梦CY

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-17 21:11
09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
...

谢谢Sherlock！要是我自己改这个作文要批死了，我得努力提高打字速度了，老是没时间检查啊！
还有很羡慕你的词汇量啊，这么多好的表达，快快copy一份给我叭~~~

sherlock1992

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-17 17:17
09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
= ...

09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
===================
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
Television now is no more a rare object（这里使用commodity更贴切些） to the public as it was 30 years ago. With a rapid development of entertainment industry, a variety of television programs are rushing into people's eyes. While some people criticize the entertaining programs on TV, I vote against that all TV programs must be educative, rather than entertaining.

On the one hand, we are no longer living in an era that ordinary people have no choice but observe the rules made by governors.(这里的因果关系似乎有那么一些牵强） Hence it is the development of different kinds of TV programs that brings TV viewers their own rights to choose what they would like to see, whether(whether处于conj. 用于连接连个句子） educative programs or entertaining programs. In other words, the preference for different kinds of programs vary（varies) among(这里用from比较合适） person to person, for they share various backgrounds and have special needs in life. For example, my grandama（grandma), a retired teacher, tends to watch operas concerning about crime, marrige(marriage) and social problems. Unlike other educative programs, these operas could not only bring to her excitement in vision, but also（可去） provide a way for her rethinking（to rethink) the society and her own life. To conclude, the purpose of TV is to satisfy the needs of different people, instead of only uniforming and educating people.

On the other hand, a majority of TV programs currently are boring and dull, directly leading people, especially who are in badly need for education, like children and students, to lose interests in these kind of programs. We could imagine how tough could a grade-one student endure a one-hour long lecture on the TV!(这句赶脚改为how tough it is that a grade-one student endure a one-hour long lecture on the TV会比较好） Not to mention taking notes or reviewing those key points that the lecturer proposed. If the producer could put in some special elements to make the programs more interesting and attractive, students are sure to listen to the lecture carefully. The appearance of educative programs are good indeed, but the criteria of successful program is the mix of excellent content and broad viewers. Therefore, amusement can offers(offer) TV programs a wider range(推荐你一个词来代替range---spectrum) of TV viewers as well as not destroying the purpose of education.(赶脚这句拆成...TV viewers, meanwhile, not destroy the purpose of education.会更好读些~）

In the end, education is one of the purposes of TV programs, but not the only purpose. The producers should provide TV viewers with programs that both satisfy their needs and make them relaxed and entertained.

小结：这篇文章思路很清晰，结构很工整（话说小丸子一直都是这样的。。。），但是呢，，，出现了一些不该粗线的语法错误，建议在实际考试中，小丸子童鞋一定要在最后留下些时间检查一下，另外词汇使用稍显简单，建议把系统再升级到高点的version，其他的我感觉也没什么了（本人水平有限 ing). Fighting!

追梦CY

09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
===================
Television now is no more a rare object to the public as it was 30 years ago. With a rapid development of entertainment, a variety of television programs are rushing into people's eyes. While some people criticize the entertaining programs on TV, I vote against that all TV programs must be educative, rather than entertaining.

On the one hand, we are no longer living in an era that ordinary people have no choice but observe the rules made by governors. Hence it is the development of different kinds of TV programs that brings TV viewers their own rights to choose what they would like to see, whether educative programs or entertaining programs. In other words, the preference for different kinds of programs vary among person to person, for they share various backgrounds and have special needs in life. For example, my grandama, a retired teacher, tends to watch operas concerning about crime, marrige and social problems. Unlike other educative programs, these operas could not only bring to her excitement in vision, but also provide a way for her rethinking the society and her own life. To conclude, the purpose of TV is to satisfy the needs of different people, instead of only uniforming and educating people.

On the other hand, a majority of TV programs currently are boring and dull, directly leading people, especially who are in badly need for education, like children and students, to lose interests in these kind of programs. We could imagine how tough could a grade-one student endure a one-hour long lecture on the TV! Not to mention taking notes or reviewing those key points that lecturer proposed. If the producer could put in some special elements to make the programs more interesting and attractive, students are sure to listen to the lecture carefully. The appearance of educative programs are good indeed, but the criteria of successful program is the mix of excellent content and broad viewers. Therefore, amusement can offers TV programs a wider range of TV viewers as well as not destroying the purpose of education.

In the end, education is one of the purposes of TV programs, but not the only purpose. The producers should provide TV viewers with programs that both satisfy their needs and make them relaxed and entertained.

追梦CY

超级无敌小鹤鹤 发表于 2013-9-16 10:26
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's world i ...

看到鹤鹤的细心修改+改写真心感动，而且很膜拜啊！
我写的里面有一些地方意思容易理解错，还有很多表达用的也不到位，学习了呀！
而且一看鹤鹤就是花了很长时间和很多精力帮我改的，也学到了很多好的东西，真心感谢鹤鹤！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's world is a mostly positive development for the society.
========================
Modern people are crazily rushing[感觉用pouring会更加的形象，pour into 如潮水般涌入] into cities, making cities become bigger and busier[contributing to larger and busier cities]. Some people speak highly of the quick enlargements of the cities, addressing the significance of many positive developments. [这儿这句话我觉得可以改一下，不要再用~ing分词作定语，而且我觉得speak highly of跟significance更加好~~ 我觉得可以这么来: Some people speak highly of the significance of many positive developments, becuase they believe these lead to the quick enlargements of our cities.] However, a number of social problems like the population growth in cities[这个cities太多了，可以省略], the constructions of an increasing number of skyscrapers[increasing constructions of skyscrapers更好], the heavy traffic jams, and so on are brought to current citizens as well with the booming of cities[这个介宾结构建议放到开头会比较好~~~]. [补充一下~~这儿，我习惯用破折号来分割，"...social problems- like A, B, C and D-are brought to...." ]

Rural people now are losing their capital of living a healthy and luxury life[, and it seems to take away their rights to live a healthy and luxury life]. Instead[Moreover], they even have encountered with several problems, and the air pollution is the first to blame[可以用个倒装结构：the first to blame is the air pollution] . In this year, the PM 2.5 has suddenly turned up in[哈哈，这儿可以用rushed into了] people's visions and threatened public health. People who live in big cities like Beijing are so panic that part of them begin to plan a move to another city. Even some citizens choose to live in the suburbs, the places which are far to their workplaces, only for fresh and clean air. Unfortunately, the heavy air pollution is attributed to the enlargement of cities, and it will definitely spread among other cities in the future if the government doesn't make any effort to stop it. [后面三句话我觉得改成这样会更好：It threatened a lot of people to choose another city for living and working, and especially for people in some big cities like Beijing. Some are lucky and they began their life in a new city, but most ones are poor. They could only choose to ive in the suburbs to enjoy some fresh air, and then spent much more time to thier workplaces.  if the government doesn't make any effort to stop it, such state will definitely spread among other cities in the future with the rapid growth of modern cities.]

Subsequently, because of the need for living by a large number of people in the city[这个我感觉可以不写], the city governors have to destroy old and historic buildings in order to make more space for supermarkets, schools, parks, and apartments.[用个被动，many old and historic buildings have been destroied only because to make enough space for some supermarkets, schools, parks and apartments, even though these old ones may share great historical roles.] Ironically, the government in my hometown recently regrets for destroying the Germany style train station a few years ago, and decides to rebuild that station in modern materials.[前面的recently和a few years ago有问题哟~~~] Obviously, the rapid growth of cities causes great damages to the preservation of historic buildings.

What is worse, the over-crowded cities are forcing people to live in a competitive life. Due to an expansion of city population, children have to compete fiercely for the admissions to elementray(elementary) schools; the white-collars have to fight for the limited positions in big companies; and elderly people have to worry about the beds in hospitals if they get ill.[这儿应该用逗号~~~] It seems that every person who lives in the city are too concerned for personal affairs and dares not to slow down their steps to keep up with others. [哈哈~~ 这段不错~~~]

In conclusion, the continuous expansion of city in today's society has led to a variety of social problems and become a big headache of rural people. Apart from some positive influences, we should take effective measures to find solutions to these problems brought by the city development.[Great！]

追梦CY

914作文
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's world is a mostly positive development for the society.

========================
Modern people are crazily rushing into cities, making cities become bigger and busier. Some people speak highly of the quick enlargement of cities, addressing the significance of many positive developments. However, a number of social problems like the population growth in cities, the constructions of an increasing number of skyscrapers, the heavy traffic jams, and so on are brought to current citizens as well with the booming of cities.

Rural people now are losing their capital of living a healthy and luxury life. Instead, they have encountered with several problems, and the air pollution is the first to blame. In this year, the PM 2.5 has suddenly turned up in people's visions and threatened public health. People who live in big cities like Beijing are so panic that part of them begin to plan a move to another city. Even some citizens choose to live in the suburbs, the places which are far to their workplaces, only for fresh and clean air. Unfortunately, the heavy air pollution is attributed to the enlargement of cities, and it will definitely spread among other cities in the future if the government doesn't make any effort to stop it.

Subsequently, because of the need for living by a large number of people in the city, the city governors have to destroy old and historic buildings in order to make more space for supermarkets, schools, parks, and apartments. Ironically, the government in my hometown recently regrets for destroying the Germany style train station a few years ago, and decides to rebuild that station in modern materials. Obviously, the rapid growth of cities causes great damages to the preservation of historic buildings.

What is worse, the over-crowded cities are forcing people to live in a competitive life. Due to an expansion of city population, children have to compete fiercely for the admissions to elementray(elementary) schools; the white-collars have to fight for the limited positions in big companies; and elderly people have to worry about the beds in hospitals if they get ill. It seems that every person who lives in the city are too concerned for personal affairs and dares not to slow down their steps to keep up with others.

In conclusion, the continuous expansion of city in today's society has led to a variety of social problems and become a big headache of rural people. Apart from some positive influences, we should take effective measures to find solutions to these problems brought by the city development.

今天有幸能得到鹤鹤女神的朱批，还交的这么晚，该打！