M酱的作文帖 {8.27已更新} 让砖块来的更猛烈些！！

Mint静默

感觉我的时间和大家的不太对呀！
我是第二天白天（最迟下午）写好前一天的作文，先说明一下哦

8.18
独立+综合一篇

8.19
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8.20
独立+综合一篇

8.21
独立一篇

8.22
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8.23
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8.24
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8.25
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8.26
独立一篇

Mint静默

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-8-28 07:49
抱歉，这里没问题，是我弄错了。

。。。。其实我自己觉得despite the disparity of geographic circumstances有点多余

Mint静默

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-28 02:22
蓝色是个人意见及建议
黄色是赞

谢谢修改！~

sherlock1992

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-27 23:55
"A fine salary is always the biggest concern when people compete in the job-hunting despite the di ...

抱歉，这里没问题，是我弄错了。

laneesherry

蓝色是个人意见及建议
黄色是赞

825
人們可以從playing sports 上learn lessons of life
Playing sports gives important lesson on life learning.

[400+words]

What should be the role of playing sports in our lives? Most people simply think that playing sports can enhance our health and build the muscles. Granted, people who do physical exercises get ill less frequently than those who live a sedentary lifestyle. And playing sports outdoors give us chances to breathe fresh air and enjoy the natural light of sunshine, which is a nice break from the closed atmosphere of office. However, in my perspective, it is no exaggeration to say that people can learn lessons of life through playing sports.

Firstly, playing sports is usually teamwork, which means that corporation is of great importance.（这个分论点句好棒！我也想到了相同的观点但是写得不如你精炼） We will not realize the importance of teamwork until we play sports with team members. Take me for an illustration. I participated in a badminton competition on the campus with my brother Jeff. He runs faster than me while I jump higher than him. At the very beginning, we did not corporate well with each other. After failures in the badminton competition, we did not strive to find the problems within the team but blamed each other. The situation went from bad to worse. One day, we decided to discuss the team strategy. Since then, we exploited the advantages to the full and compensated the other’s disadvantages. Finally, we were the champion of the badminton competition. //例子的表述建议精简。Teamwork should be given the credit for our success. After the competition, I learned that success stems from teamwork.

Further, there are some virtues, such as tenacity, of the sports players. Most of those virtues are achieved through doing practice in sports time after time. Kobe, the famous basketball player in NBA, is the idol of many boys. At an interview, a journalist asked him the reason why he was so successful. He said that he knew what Los Angles looked like every day at four o’clock a.m.（好棒的例证！） Playing basketball makes Kobe realize the significance of tenacity, which in turn contributes his glorious career as a basketball player. （例子非常赞，建议进一步深化主题，可以在最后再加一句扯回开头，所以说运动可以让人学到东西之类）

Last but not least, playing sports can cultivate your（建议改为更加客观的“people's”) leadership. People who can play a role as a leader in sports game are also able to play a role as a leader in workplace. And there seems to be plenty of research findings to confirm this. For instance, the Center for Creative Leadership conducted a research recently, which shows that the managers who often play sports in the part time perform better in business than those who do not. So it is undeniable that we can benefit from playing sports and even can learn lessons of life in the gateway.(非常好的一段！)

It is hard to overstate the indispensability of teamwork. （文章一直谈的是运动，在总结段的这里说的却是teamwork，稍微有些偏题的感觉）For those reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that playing sports gives important lessons on life learning.

同学的作文进步好大！
和往常一样有很多优点值得我去学习呢

Mint静默

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-8-27 23:41
又勉强找了些。。。

"A fine salary is always the biggest concern when people compete in the job-hunting despite the disparity of geographic circumstances.(感觉这里需要一个表让步或转折的连词）" 这句不是很懂~~应该怎么改呢（请原谅我是一个较真的银儿~~）

你的意见对我来说很有价值~！thx！~

sherlock1992

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-27 23:04
你再看看嘛。。求意见

又勉强找了些。。。

Mint静默

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-8-27 23:00
8.26
Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deser ...

你再看看嘛。。求意见

sherlock1992

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-27 22:16
8.26
Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserv ...

8.26
Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserved high salaries to be paid?
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
A fine salary is always the biggest concern when people compete in the job-hunting despite the disparity of geographic circumstances.(感觉这里需要一个表让步或转折的连词） Cardinal as it is, salary does not stand for the happiness and self-fulfilling within the job. Several factors, such as retirement pension, medical benefits and the harmonious atmosphere among colleagues, also contribute to the attractiveness of jobs. However, recently a hot topic has captured the public’s attentions. Did(Do) the professional athletes deserve high salaries? My answer is yes. 总感觉这一段however前后关联度不是太强。

Granted,(granted高端让步词，后一般有but搭配） the phenomenon of money-worshiping has become more and more serious. And some people are paid the high salaries which are not in appropriate proportion with the low value created by them. There is a slogan in the Occupy Wall Street protests that says, “We are the 99%,” the implication being that most people are paid unfair salaries. So it is indispensable for us to strive to compensate the disparity between the rich’s properties and the poor’s properties(感觉可去掉）.        

However, considering the large amount of value created by them, professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserve high salaries. They contribute most of their payments to the charity. The money can be used to build new schools for children and improve the medical facilities. Take Tiger Woods for illustration. Soon after he became a professional golfer, Tiger Woods and his father founded the Tiger Woods Foundation. Then he established the Tiger Woods Learning Center where children can learn a lot of practical skills. What’s more, he held a variety of clarity activities in his spare time, such as Tiger Jam. Compared with those so-called senior managers, professional athletes make a difference to the whole society.

Furthermore, athletes need to be very industrious before being a professional one. Considering the endeavor made by them, it is no exaggeration to say that athletes are supposed to be well-paid. Kobe, the famous basketball player in NBA, is the idol of many boys. At an interview, a journalist asked him the reason why he was so successful. He said that he knew what Los Angles looked like every day at four o’clock a.m. It means that he began his practice in（of) basketball at four o’clock in the morning every day. Not many people have such tenacity. Also, the high-level performance of professional athletes on the playing ground is a feast for the audience’s eyes.

Considering their contributions to the society and the endeavor made by them, we can safely make a conclusion that professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserve high salaries.


写的真心好， 我实在挑不出什么毛病，膜拜了。   可能是我多虑了吧，总感觉professional athletes与superstar是有差距的，而mint举得例子都是superstar的。。。

Mint静默

8.26
Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserved high salaries to be paid?

A fine salary is always the biggest concern when people compete in the job-hunting despite the disparity of geographic circumstances. Cardinal as it is, salary does not stand for the happiness and self-fulfilling within the job. Several factors, such as retirement pension, medical benefits and the harmonious atmosphere among colleagues, also contribute to the attractiveness of jobs. However, recently a hot topic has captured the public’s attentions. Did the professional athletes deserve high salaries? My answer is yes.

Granted, the phenomenon of money-worshiping has become more and more serious. And some people are paid the high salaries which are not in appropriate proportion with the low value created by them. There is a slogan in the Occupy Wall Street protests that says, “We are the 99%,” the implication being that most people are paid unfair salaries. So it is indispensable for us to strive to compensate the disparity between the rich’s properties and the poor’s properties.

However, considering the large amount of value created by them, professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserve high salaries. They contribute most of their payments to the charity. The money can be used to build new schools for children and improve the medical facilities. Take Tiger Woods for illustration. Soon after he became a professional golfer, Tiger Woods and his father founded the Tiger Woods Foundation. Then he established the Tiger Woods Learning Center where children can learn a lot of practical skills. What’s more, he held a variety of clarity activities in his spare time, such as Tiger Jam. Compared with those so-called senior managers, professional athletes make a difference to the whole society.

Furthermore, athletes need to be very industrious before being a professional one. Considering the endeavor made by them, it is no exaggeration to say that athletes are supposed to be well-paid. Kobe, the famous basketball player in NBA, is the idol of many boys. At an interview, a journalist asked him the reason why he was so successful. He said that he knew what Los Angles looked like every day at four o’clock a.m. It means that he began his practice in basketball at four o’clock in the morning every day. Not many people have such tenacity. Also, the high-level performance of professional athletes on the playing ground is a feast for the audience’s eyes.

Considering their contributions to the society and the endeavor made by them, we can safely make a conclusion that professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserve high salaries.