xiaxiaya的作文贴

xiaxiaya

先发一篇以前写过的 综合写作 TPO-17

第一次写独立写作，因为磨磨蹭蹭没写完，后来自己改了改，修改前后的两个都发上来吧：

修改前：(高亮是曾经的拼写错误)

The professor puts foraward a negative attitude to the passagein her lecture. She believes that the population of birds in United States willnot decline which is oppose to that the passage claims that the population willnecessarily decline. The professor supports herself by three reasons which candefeat the reasons sited in the passage.

First, the expand of human beings is not ashortcoming, as the professor puts it , but might do good for birds. Sheexplains that the urbane may be do good for the birds. Even some kinds of birdswill decrease, but some others will increase. (本来打算先写每段的开头的，后来第三段写high 了。。第一次写，对每段字数把握不是很好)

Second, the growth speed of agriculturewill not be as soon as the passage claims. The professor argee that the quickdevelopment of agreiculture will be harmful to the birds, but she points out that p  (这里没写完)

Third, asfor the inescapable impact of the pesticides, the professor holds a positiveaspects for the future development. She says that even the pesticides have caused a demage result to the birds survival and reproduction in the past, people now noticethis shortage of the pesticides. So people will decrease the use even stopusing pesitcides inthe future. To support this,  the professor give two new techiques that people are trying to use to decrease or stop the useing of pesticides. One is to produceless harmful but more effective pesitcides, the other is to create crops which can't prevent thepets but not harm the birds.

修改后：

The professor puts forwards a negativeattitude to the passage in her lecture. She believes that the population ofbirds in United States will not decline which is oppose to that the passageclaims that the population will necessarily decline. The professor supportsherself by three reasons which can defeat the reasons cited in the passage.

First, the expand of human beings is not harmfulto the birds live in urbane area, as the professor puts it. To some kind ofbirds, urbane area is a better habitat. She explains that the urbane may begood for some kinds of birds, like pigeon. Even some other kinds of birds willdecrease, but the number of birds might not decrease as the passage claims.

Second, the growth speed of agriculture activitieswill not increase so quickly as the passage claims in the future. The professoragrees that the quick development of agriculture will be harmful to the birdsto some extent, but she doesn’t agree with that more and more wildness areaswill be use for agriculture in the future. Because scientists are trying tocreate new crops which will be more productive, there is no need for exploitingmore land for agriculture.

Third,as for the inescapable impact of the pesticides, the professor holds a positiveaspects for the future development. She says that people now have noticed that thepesticides have damaging result to the birds survival and reproduction. Andpeople are trying to decrease the use even stop using pesticides in the future.To support this, the professor gives two example of new technique that candecrease the pesticides’ harmful effect to birds. One is to produce lessharmful but more effective pesticides, the other is to create crops which can'tprevent the pets but not harm the birds.

xiaxiaya

The readingpassage presents an argument that not only the forest but the economy canbenefit from the salvage logging. But the professor in the listening lecturedisputes that the [url=]drawbacks[/url][A1] of the salvage logging might overshadow its short term gain, which isopposed to the reading passage. And she supports her point of view based on thefollowing reasons.

To begin with, even though the new trees need room for growth, [A2] it is not necessary to remove the dead trees for the new ones as theprofessor argues. She explains that the dead tree might be decomposedto add some nutrition into the soil [url=]which[/url][A3] will [url=]do good for[/url][A4] the growth of new trees. But if the dead ones（ones我觉得替代的很好，很简单但是很地道） are cleaned soon after the forest fire,[url=]it[/url][A5] will decrease the necessary elements for trees to grow.

Moreover, the professor contendsthat insect problem cannot necessarily result a damage for the forest, despitethe statement in the passage that dead trees will cause a serious insect infestation. The professor demonstrates her idea with the fact that the decrease ofinsect resulted from salvage logging [url=]will do harm to the birds in the forest[/url][A6] . And birds play animportant role in the forest eco-system. So salvage logging can be moreharmful to forest than the insect problem.

Finally, the professor asserts that the economic gain from salvage logging willbe small and comteporay (自改temporary ) ,whereas thereading passage claims the advantages of salvage logging in industries andemployment. The professor proves the claim to be indefensible by pointing outthat the lumber of salvage logging cannot be maintain for lots of industriesand the workers need some specific experience to do the [url=]work[/url][A7] .

模板的痕迹不算很重，感觉如果逻辑连词用的到位，文章就会很自然。最后一段我也觉得不太好听懂诶~ 真是要好好回去研究下怎么保证听懂又能把笔记都记下来了~  共勉！！！

---

[A1]drawback可以作可数，并且后面提到了不止一个缺点，同时后面的overshadow是复数形式

[A2]even though 和 but只可用一个

[A3]这里which紧挨着soil，变成指代soil了， 可以改成Ving伴随状语形式

[A4]Google了一下，好像比较少有这种用法，xiaxia君确定是这样吗？会不会do good to还相对常见些呢

[A5]这里的it指代不明

[A6]这里其实说的是birds也会在这些deadtrees里面栖息，有利于森林的成长，而没有说会危害到鸟类

[A7]最后一段大概说的是，把这些树木运出森林会话费很多money，而那些创造出来的工作是temporary的，并且都被有经验的外地人抢走了，本地人没什么收获

lyslj001

tpo14综合修改新鲜出炉啦~
提高听力是王道！
并且求批改~~ http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-869676-4-1.html

FrancisEvens

8.20

Interesting as it might be, books and movies can only be the condiment for life. Real relaxing（感觉“真正的放松”不是这么表达） one's body is based on the factors, such as a positive emotion, a long-run healthy body condition as well as a suitable way to relax for different types of people. Therefore, in my opinion, doing sports is a better way than watching videos and reading books toget relaxed.

To begin with, even some people would wonder that how possible people can get relaxed by adding the physical pressure, such as doing exercises, on them,(句号） hitting gyms can actually activate people's body by （putting) a bit of physical pressure on them. Not only (it) can exercisesbe  highly intensive, but also it can be tight and relaxed. Some oxygen-sports (自己先给自己纠个错aerobic exercise，后面也都用错了), for example yoga or jogging, can push people less. In addition, oxygen-sports can increase the people's metabolismrate and their oxygen(oxygen input不能被increase,应该是吸入的量） input. According to the scientific research, higher metabolism rate and oxygen ingestion can real lessen people's muscle pressure and make people relaxed.（“can”这个词是不是使用过于频繁了呢）

Moreover, as we all known that doing sport can be benefit（benefitial) to the mental and physical health,(句号。前后是两个句子） healthy body condition ensures people's strength to persistent（自己纠错，resistant才是抵抗的意思） the pressures which are the resource of our tiring feelings. It（There) is no doubt that watching movies and doing some reading can slow down our space(楼主是不是想说pace) afterwork or study. But if we want to be less stressed out, enforcing our health is the only method that works.

Finally, watching movies and reading books are sometimes not suitable for students or the people who use eyes intensively in their work. Because watching movies and reading books can make their eyes more tied, which will do harm to their eyes. On the contrary, playing tennis, basketball, or football help those people relax their eyes as well asactivating their whole body, considering that the people who often use eyes also suffer sedimetay（自己纠错sedentary久坐的） habits. Not only can students and office people find the suitable type of exercises, but any kinds(every kind) of people can meet their tastes in the gyms or sports fields.

In conclusion, even though some people might be fond of movies or books as their relaxing ways, the exercise, whichc an relax and be benefit to all kinds of people in a long-run, is the best choice to relax ourselves(themselves) from the rapid and intensive pace of our lives.

xiaxiaya

FrancisEvens 发表于 2013-8-20 23:09
倾海貌似把我的工作做了？？帮你改了20号的独立？？

...他其实应该改我19号的。。改成20的了。
你再该改改吧？不同人可以发现不同问题~

FrancisEvens

xiaxiaya 发表于 2013-8-20 22:35
389不算长了童鞋^^。。。400~450正合适

倾海貌似把我的工作做了？？帮你改了20号的独立？？

xiaxiaya

倾海比目鱼 发表于 2013-8-20 22:25
Interesting as it might be, books and movies can only be the condiment for life. Real relaxing one's ...

389不算长了童鞋^^。。。400~450正合适

倾海比目鱼

Interesting as it might be, books and movies can only be the condiment for life. Real relaxing one's body is based on the factors, such as a positive emotion, a long-run healthy body condition as well as a suitable way to relax for different types of people. Therefore, in my opinion, doing sports is a better way than watching videos and reading books to get relaxed.

To begin with, even some people would wonder that how possible people can get relaxed by adding the physical pressure, such doing exercises, on them？？, hitting gyms can actually activate people's body by a bit of physical pressure on them. Not only can exercises be  highly intensive, but also it can be tight and relaxed（这两个词能并列吗？）. Some oxygen-sports (自己先给自己纠个错aerobicexercise，后面也都用错了), for example yoga or jogging（Some aerobic exercise like yoga or jogging,for example这样会不会好的啊）, can push people less （pressure?）. In addition, oxygen-sports can increase the people's metabolism rate and their oxygen input. According to the scientific research, higher metabolism rate and oxygen ingestion can real lessen people's muscle pressure and make people relaxed.

Moreover, as we all known that doing sport can be benefit to the mental and physical health, healthy body condition ensures people's strength to persistent（自己纠错，resistant才是抵抗的意思） the pressures which are the resource of our tiring feelings. It is no doubt that watching movies and doing some reading can slow down our space?? after work or study. But if we want to be less stressed out, enforcing our health is the only method that works??.

Finally, watching movies and reading books are sometimes not suitable for students or the people who use eyes intensively in their work(by gazing on the screen nearly会不会好点 ). Because watching movies and reading books can make their eyes more tied , which will do harm to their eyes. On the contrary, playing tennis,basketball, or football help those people relax their eyes as well as activating（并列activate） their whole body, considering that the people who often use eyesalso suffer sedimetay（自己纠错sedentary久坐的） habits. Not only can students and office people find the suitabletype of exercises, but any kinds of people can meet their tastes in the gyms or sports fields.

In conclusion, even though some peoplemight be fond of movies or books as their relaxing ways, the exercise, whichcan relax and be benefit to all kinds of people in a long-run, is the bestchoice to relax ourselves from the rapid and intensive pace of our lives.

思路挺好的，而且模板痕迹很少。学习。但文章有点长感觉

倾海比目鱼

xiaxia 我们不是互改8.19的吗？

xiaxiaya

20th AUG, 转眼还有5天考试了。。写作文的时间不多了T.T

【独立】Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

389words， 40min， 本来能30分钟写完的，越写到后面越词穷，一词穷就打字速度慢下来了。。。这个题目算是很好写的一类了，感觉第一段论证还行，后面大概只有10分钟，写到了第三段论证的第二句时间就到了。多花了10分钟写完剩下的和结尾，看来段内论证的逻辑顺序还得自己准备好几套，以备不时之需。这个字数其实还能再多点的，论证都没展开。

Interesting as it might be, books andmovies can only be the condiment for life. Real relaxing one's body is based onthe factors, such as a positive emotion, a long-run healthy body condition aswell as a suitable way to relax for different types of people. Therefore, in myopinion, doing sports is a better way than watching videos and reading books toget relaxed.

To begin with, even some people wouldwonder that how possible people can get relaxed by adding the physicalpressure, such doing exercises, on them, hitting gyms can actually activatepeople's body by a bit of physical pressure on them. Not only can exercisesbe  highly intensive, but also it can betight and relaxed. Some oxygen-sports (自己先给自己纠个错aerobic exercise，后面也都用错了), for example yoga or jogging, can push people less. In addition, oxygen-sports can increase the people's metabolismrate and their oxygen input. According to the scientific research, highermetabolism rate and oxygen ingestion can real lessen people's muscle pressureand make people relaxed.

Moreover, as we all known that doing sport canbe benefit to the mental and physical health, healthy body condition ensurespeople's strength to persistent（自己纠错，resistant才是抵抗的意思） the pressures which are the resource of our tiring feelings. It isno doubt that watching movies and doing some reading can slow down our space afterwork or study. But if we want to be less stressed out, enforcing our health isthe only method that works.

Finally, watching movies and reading booksare sometimes not suitable for students or the people who use eyes intensivelyin their work. Because watching movies and reading books can make their eyesmore tied, which will do harm to their eyes. On the contrary, playing tennis,basketball, or football help those people relax their eyes as well asactivating their whole body, considering that the people who often use eyesalso suffer sedimetay（自己纠错sedentary久坐的） habits. Not only can students and office people find the suitabletype of exercises, but any kinds of people can meet their tastes in the gyms orsports fields.

In conclusion, even though some peoplemight be fond of movies or books as their relaxing ways, the exercise, whichcan relax and be benefit to all kinds of people in a long-run, is the bestchoice to relax ourselves from the rapid and intensive pace of our lives.

【综合】TPO-14   280 words  还是有一两点细节没听清楚。。而且笔记记得太简单，写到后面自己又想不起来了。。所以笔记和听力要找到一个平衡点才行

The reading passage presents an argumentthat not only the forest but the economy can benefit from the salvage logging.But the professor in the listening lecture disputes that the drawback of thesalvage logging might overshadow its short term gain, which is opposed to thereading passage. And she supports her point of view based on the followingreasons.

To begin with, even though the new treeneed room for growth, but it is not necessary to remove the dead trees for thenew ones as the professor argues. She explains that the dead tree mightdecomposed to add some nutrition into the soil which will do good for thegrowth of new trees. But if the dead ones are cleaned soon after the forestfire, it will decrease the necessary elements for trees to grow.

Moreover, the professor contends thatinsect problem cannot necessarily result a damage for the forest, despite thestatement in the passage that dead trees will cause a serious insectinfestation. The professor demonstrates her idea with the fact that the decreaseof insect resulted from salvage logging will do harm for the birds in theforest. And birds play an important role in the forest eco-system. So salvagelogging can be more harmful to forest than the insect problem.

Finally, the professor asserts that theeconomic gain from salvage logging will be small and comteporay (自改temporary ) ,whereas the reading passage claim the advantages of salvage logging inindustries and employment. The professor proves the claim is indefensible bypointing out that the lumber of salvage logging cannot be maintain for lots ofindustries and the workers need some specific experience to do the work.
[ 最后一段听力里的因果细节没听清楚，再加上时间不够自己编的。。所以希望改的童鞋给最后一段纠正一下~]