梦想无法放弃！！！ Cleo归来 托福作文每天坚持 求批改

cleotina

TPO 26
Integrated
In the lecture, the professor gives the opposite opinions, one by one, to defeat the ideas offered in the passage. Obviously, the three problems about Zebra mussel are not anymore.


First, the thing that zebra mussel spread as the ships traveling can be controlled under the proper method. In the past, people do not know how to eliminate the phenomenon since they lack of knowledge. In the professor opinion, if the ship pulls the water into the ocean, the mussel will die since the seawater is too salty to survive. Mussel will not spread the whole North sea.


Second, the zebra mussel will have enemy one day, even in a brand new place. Just as the professor said, at the very beginning the mussel will dominate the new place, and no other animal likely to feat on them. But as time flying, the population of other species may decrease, predators may tend to try the zebra mussel and form a new habit. For predators, they may think what a new fresh dishes!


Third, one the contrary, the spread of the mussel may become the food of the meat eaters. In the lake, there are many fish living on plankton eaters, containing abundance mussel. Plenty mussels just offer a happy living garden for them. In this condition, the population of the whole fish in the lake may increase but not decrease.



Independent
When it comes to find a job, everyone will think twice to make a decision. Like going to colleague and getting married, choosing a job is one of the top three important issues, especially in China, a country with such a long history's traditional culture. How to choose a job is really a problem. There are many factors and many choices, and how to value all the factors and choices depends on situation. But if you let me make a decision between jobs similar to their parents and jobs totally different from their parents, I will definitely choose the former one.


Experience is very important in the career development. If children choose jobs that are similar to their parents, parents will be mentors to teach him almost everything about their job. And if children encounter any problems they can discuss with their parents conveniently. Compared with other new comers, these children with their parents help will gain a lot experiences and will be an excellent staff in the area.


Relationship is vital for everyone development. And if they work in the area where their parents have worked for more than 20 years, all the bosses and leaders will be their familiars. In this situation, more chances will come to them. One of my classmates works in the bank system, which her mother has worked with that bank for two decades. Since the first day she arrived in the bank, her leader treats her very well. And she gets more than three promotions during the past three years, while others staff who arrived in the bank at the same time just win once.


If they choose the area, and their parents have a rather bright contribution. They will proud of their parents and try to work hard to gain an even bigger prize. Obviously, their parents are their model and their energy source in the daily work.


In sum, children choose the similar jobs with their parents will enjoy lots of benefits. However, this does not mean that all children should do the same thing as their parents. As I said in the beginning, there are so many factors we should concern, such as preference, characteristic, etc. Above all, keeping chasing dream is most important.





TPO 1

综合写作

The American typically work five day a week and eight hours per day, and someone want to work four day a week to get 80% of money. They believe that this change will offer more job opportunities, and the unemployment will decrease, that they can spend more time on their personal life, and that they will fell relax and enjoy working. In sum this will be a good change for the worker, the society and the employer.


On the contrary, the professor gives his concerns about this change. Firstly, more employees mean more offices and computers to offer in order to finish the same job, and that since all employees need health insurance and training, more money will have to spend to cover the whole stuff. For the employers, this is not an economical way to be used. Secondly, concerning about the employees, it is also not good. As we analyzed before, company will prefer the five-day workers to four-day worker to control its financial budget. Thus, the one who want to work four day a week will lose a lots job opportunities. Furthermore, four-day work will also affect employees' personal career development, since most of the jobs need experience to perform excellent. For example, if there are two workers joining in the company in the same time, one works five day a week and another works four day a week. Generally the former will obtain more skills and chances, thus he will have a larger potential to get promotion.






独立写作

In this argument, there are two questions; one is whether the sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries, and another is, if the first question is positive, whether school should offer equal financial support on sports and social activities. In my opinion, the sports and social activities are import but not as important as classes and libraries, and even if they are equally important, we also should not spend equal money on them, because the investment is depends on the price index of the various facilities.


For one thing, I always believe that a person should focus on the present thing. University is a place of studying and learning, and students should concentrate on studying. After the university, students become independent adults, and then they should try their best to expend social relationship and chase career development. School take charge in tell students what is the most important thing for them. If school believes that sport and social activities are as important as study, as we all know that study is more boring than sport and social activities, students will tend to choose spend time on sports and socializing but not on studying. Step by step, students may think studying is not useful and give up it.

One of my classmates is a specific example. He is cleaver, from a family of business, born with leadership. When he arrived at school he spend a lot of time on social activities, such as run a small business as a freshman, attend sports competitions. After half a year he dropped out because he thought run a business is more useful than studying. However, after several years we met again, he still runs his small business and does not know how to plan his future. What a pity, if he focuses on studying during his university stage and obtained abundant knowledge, today he should be a successful business man.


For another thing, as I said before, since different kind of good with a different price. Even the sports and social activities are equally important as study and library, the budget on these totally different terms should be various.

Tanyar

2.4独立
What a practical issue, which we （are）facing in our daily life. I believed (此处不需要过去式)that everyone has his own way to deal with this problem for an ideal performance. Concerning tons of painstaking experiences I gained in the past by using plan B, I should choose plan A which is starting working on the presentation immediately.



For the first, you will never get a really good idea until you embark on the task. People usually think that we can wait and one day a brilliant idea will come out spontaneously, just as Newton found the Relative Law (law of universal gravitation), heating (hit, hit的过去分词hit) by an falling apple. I believed (wondered) that Newton had been heated (hit) by some stuff before the apple did, and why it is this apple that inspired him. Checking (Reviewing) some history materials, I found that he had worked on the problem for a long time before the apple accident. So, doing (acting) is the best way to deal an issue efficiently, but not (instead of) waiting.



For the second, to starting (start) working on your presentation will ensure you have enough time to handle it. You will never know how many (much) energy and time you will spend during your preparation; so (so as to) chasing a good result, we should begin to work on it as soon as possible. Once, I was asked to prepare a class about critical reading of GMAT. And since not(haven’t) taught this kind of class before, I focused on it after received (receiving) the massage. In order to gain sufficient proof to support my views, I had to check all of my notes and two professional books about logic. Finally, I spend (spent) half a month to prepare a 15 minutes presentation, which is a work load out of expectation. If I hadn’t begun (didn’t begin) to do it (immediately), I won’t finish (wouldn’t have finished; 用到了虚拟语气非常好，但是要注意正确的表达) it on time.



Finally, to start working on your presentation soon after being announced will leave you time to refine your performance. It is rear(rare) that we can excellently (exactly) hit an aim while just shoot once. On the contrary, we should adjust angles several times to make (gain) a better score. When it comes to a presentation, we should revise the context based on the former version and improve our performance after listening to others’ advice. Jobs, the Pre-CEO of Apple company (Apple Inc.), he practiced and adjusted almost 100 times for the speech to launch a new product.



Above all, I firmly prefer to the former one than the later one in order to well prepare a presentation. Although sometimes I am still apt to delay my work to the last minute, which is obviously a bad habit； I am struggling to amend it



有很多例子，内容充实，但是要注意时态

大家都过年去了咧 你这两天也没写啦

Tanyar

2.3TPO 10
Integrate
In the lecture, the lecturer soundly refutes （the）points claimed in the passage one by one. Finally, it appears that all the standpoints in the passage are not proper.

At the very beginning, she declares (that people do not read literature)此处是从句主语， does not represents that they read materials useless. Nowadays, there are so many excellent books about science, history and art; they will inspire and ignite readers’ imagination and intelligence. So, this argument helps us know that reading public can gain profits not only (from) iterature but also from these kind of books.

Secondly, the professor points out a logical problem that is the decline of people spending time reading literatures not equals to the decay of culture.(这儿应该去掉is,在not前面加do,整个从句做problem的同位语) On the opposite, nowadays, there are various kinds of entertainment, which are more attractive and straightforward than literature; People also can gain creativity and obtain knowledge through listen to well operation music or watch a master’s movie.（through是介词，后面需要跟动名词）

Last but not latest（least）, as what the professor said（此处的what是重复）, the reason that there are more intelligent writers than before（do）not gaining sufficient support（is）not because readers do not like reading anymore, but because（可省略） their articles are not easy to understand. After presented this, the professor strongly proved that the writing and the reading of literature （being）decline is not resulted by the poor standards of today's readers （but）by(不需要) the writer themselves.



2.4 综合 TPO 12

Although the picture （has been）is concerned as a picture of Jane Austen for a long time, and the reasons offered in the passage are plausible, the speakers hold an opposite idea(opinion更为常见) about it. He presents his idea in three parts as follows.



For the first(at first), based on professor’s analysis, the opinion from Jane's family is dubious. Since the picture was identified by her family in 1882, when Jean had （been）dead for more than seventy years, these family members could not （even）know the teenager Jane, not less offer（offering）a convincing suggestion. Clearly, the speaker points out the loophole in the passage.



For the second, the lecturer maintains that to concern （whether the picture is about Jane from the evidence of the skeleton depiction） is far than（far from远非） enough. Jane has a huge（large）familywith many relatives; it is possible that some girls with（share） similar facial character. For example, Marry Ann, one of Jane's distant nieces also was a suspicious master of the picture. Thus, the second proof in the passage is refuted.



Last but not latest（least）, he argues that if it’s necessary to study) the date of the picture but not the style of the picture. It is assure（assured）that the painting was finished by William when Jane was 15 years old. What’s more, should William did draw a picture and sold it at the Jane's hometown, she should be a girl of 15 years old, but not a teenager. （这个句子太混乱了….需要改动一下，注意时态语态一致）Finally, the third point in the passage is too weak to support the main idea of the passage.





个人总结：两篇文章整体还好，但出现了以下三大类错误，确实需要多加注意。

1.句式。各种从句成分搭配出现问题，不要老是用过长的从句，一个句群中一般不要出现三个以上。语法方面需要加强，句子结构要引起重视。

2.谓语动词。单人三式，非谓语动词，以及唯一谓语等等，加油~~

3.标点符号。分号冒号句号别出现问题。

cleotina

存到这儿，不然忘了

4Feb

独立写作
renehan和libertine互改
tsyxyss和perfectends互改
lihaolan改Tanyar
Tanyar改cleotina(占座日期错了，姑且这次把你算上了，下次别了呵呵)
cleotina改lihaolan

综合写作
cleotina改renhan
renhan改Tanyar
Tanyar改cleotina

cleotina

2.4
独立
What a practical issue, which we facing in our daily life. I believed that everyone has his own way to deal with this problem for an ideal performance. Concerning tons of painstaking experiences I gained in the past by using plan B, I should choose plan A which is starting working on the presentation immediately.

For the first, you will never get a really good idea until you embark on the task. People usually think that we can wait and one day a brilliant idea will come out spontaneously, just as Newton found the Relative Law， heating by an falling apple. I believed that Newton had been heated by some stuff before the apple, and why this apple inspired him. Checking some history materials, I found that he had worked on the problem for a long time before the apple accident. So, doing is the best way to deal an issue efficiently, but not waiting.

For the second, to starting working on you presentation will ensure you have enough time to handle it. You will never know how many energy and time you will spend during your preparation; so chasing a good result, we should begin to work on it as soon as possible. Once, I was asked to prepare a class about critical reading of GMAT. And since not taught this kind of class before, I focused on it after received the massage. In order to gain sufficient proof to support my view, I had to check all of my notes and two professional books about logic. Finally, I spend half a month to prepare a 15 minutes presentation, which is a work load out of expectation. If I hadn’t begun to do it, I won’t finish it on time.


Finally, to start working on your presentation soon after being announced will leave you time to refine your performance. It is rear that we can excellently hit an aim while just shoot once. On the contrary, we should adjust angles several times to make a better score. When it comes to a presentation, we should revise the context based on the former version and improve our performance after listening to others advice. Jobs, the Pre-CEO of Apple company, he practiced and adjusted almost 100 times for the speech to launch a new product.

Above all, I firmly prefer the former one than the later one to well prepare a presentation. Although sometimes I am still apt to delay my work to the last minute, which is obviously a bad habit； I am struggling to amend it.

cleotina

2.4 综合 TPO 12

Although the picture is concerned as a picture of Jane Austen for a long time, and the reasons offered in the passage are plausible, the speakers hold an opposite idea about it. He presents his idea in three parts as follows.



For the first, based on professor’s analysis, the opinion from Jane's family is dubious. Since the picture was identified by her family in 1882, when Jean had dead for more than seventy years, these family members could not know the teenager Jane, not less offer a convincing suggestion. Clearly, the speaker points out the loophole in the passage.



For the second, the lecturer maintains that to concern whether the picture is about Jane from the evidence of the skeleton depiction is far than enough. Jane has a huge family, with many relatives; it is possible that some girls with similar facial character. For example, Marry Ann, one of Jane's distant nieces also was a suspicious master of the picture. Thus, the second proof in the passage is refuted.



Last but not latest, he argues that if studying the date of the picture but not the style of the picture, It is assure that the painting was finished by William when Jane was 15 years old. What’s more, should William did draw a picture and sold it at the Jane's hometown, she should be a girl of 15 years old, but not a teenager. Finally, the third point in the passage is too weak to support the main idea of the passage.

libertine

cleotina

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as theycan get from their academic studies.

   As far as I am concerned, students indeed can gain the same benefit from organizing （应该改成organization） or participating activities; and they can gain benefits of various aspects, with these aspects mutual (+ly)improving.   （开头段可以再充实一点）

   Organization and club activities can improve students’ communicating skills, which is not easy to gain in academic study. In an organization,members gathering together do some activities. This is a good chance to meetmore people with similar habits, thus they can share interesting experiencesand personal opinion (+s). What’s more, they also can practicelistening to partners’ diversity (diverse) viewpoints with open mind and reach (+ing) a final consensus. These are important virtues for their future.(观点论述不够完整，基本上一点带过)

If students gain an opportunity being a leader of the club to polish (感觉这个词用的不恰当) leadership,they tend to be success in their career development. Take Obama for example, he joined in Harvard Law Journal and was nominated to be the president of theclub. On an interview about his colleague (college)life, he recalled that the precious experience offering him (+a) chanceto fulfill his management idea as well as enhance (+the) ability(+of) convincing people. Obviously, takingthese advantages, he successfully wins the president of America twice.例子很好！

   Furthermore, the communicating ability and leadership acquiring (acquired)in organization (+s) also benefit academic courses. As weall know that in some group assignments, students are asked to working (work)in group. Students good (这个词在这里是什么意思？) with people are popular and welcome,and study group consist with (of) this highquality team members always can get A, which means excellent.

   In sum, I strongly support that club activities are as important asacademic study. However, students in China are not aware of the benefits from club activities, they as well as their parents believe that academic study willguarantee them (+a) bright future. Thus all their study andspare time are spending (spent) on homework and tutoring. The serious result is that graduation (改成graduates) lake (改成lacking) of peopleskill (这个是什么意思？)after working. So students should be encouraged to join in various organizations as long as they like. 前面说参加社团活动有三个好处，但是这里说不参加社团活动只有一个缺点，感觉有点矛盾

1.建议笔者多花语言去论述一个已经提出的解释，而不要不断提出新的解释
2.小的语言错误有点多，下次应该注意

-- by 会员 libertine (2013/2/3 18:04:18)

good with people 是善于人际交往的意思，相当于Adj。出自 the pursuit of happiness

people skills 人际交往能力

Thanks for your precious advice.

cleotina

2.4
Integrate
In the lecture, the lecturer soundly refutes points claimed in the passage one by one. Finally,

It appears that all the standpoints in the passage are not proper.

At the very beginning, she declares that people do not read literature do not represents that they read materials useless. Nowadays, there are so many excellent books about science, history and art; they will inspire and ignite readers’ imagination and intelligence. So, this argument helps us know that reading public can gain profits not only literature but also from these kind of books.

Secondly, the professor points out a logical problem that is the decline of people spending time reading literatures not equals to the decay of culture. On the opposite, nowadays, there are various kinds of entertainment, which are more attractive and straightforward than literature; People also can gain creativity and obtain knowledge through listen to well operation music or watch a master’s movie.

Last but not latest, as what the professor said, the reason that there are more intelligent writers than before not gaining sufficient support not because readers do not like reading anymore, but because their articles are not easy to understand. After presented this, the professor strongly proved that the writing and the reading of literature decline is not resulted by the poor standards of today's readers by the writer themselves.

Tanyar

TPO 10 综合 （不好意思现在才改，建议写出来以后也到任务贴里面更新一下链接吧，不然我还以为你没有写^_^）

Different from the point holding (held) in the passage that the decline of otter is because of the pollution, in the lecture（可以放在professor后面或不写）, the professor holds a standpoint that predator resulted (整段都是现在时，此处也最好如此) in the obviously (obvious) decrease of the otter population.

For the first, more evidences show that the dead otters in (along 准确些) the coast are killed by the orca, a large predatory, while no dead are affected by the water pollution. This is on the contrary of the presentation offered in the passage.（这一段听得不准确，建议再仔细听一遍听力）

Secondly, nowadays, the large predators, Orcasare tend to take small pray as food such as seal, seal line （sea lions）, otter, etc., since the depletion of large shape pray. In this way the professor sound（fully）illustrates that orcas are the main reason of the decline of otter population. （此段略短，可以点一下文章中的观点）

Thirdly, Orca is also (加个also与上一段的过渡更自然些) the main reason （primary cause 避免和上一段重复） of the uneven distribution of the otter population decline. The professor supports her argument in two aspects: one is that the Orca can eat so many otters once, So,(小写) if there is some orcas in an area, large amount of otters as well as other small mammal creatures are eaten. （建议用分号，因为前面有一个引出两方面论点的冒号）Another is that, in the shallow area where the orca cannot access, the population of the otter is stable. Thus, the third point of the lecture sounds more plausible than the third （corresponding） one in the passage. (感觉此段论证得不是很流畅)

Tips: 提高听力
        在写英语作文时尽量避免先想中文再翻译