第一二三只的作文帖~~求指导！！！

第一二三只

3.5号的作文在第 2 页~~谢谢抽出宝贵时间修改我的作文~~错误和不足肯定都有很多！请毫不留情的指出来吧！我一定会尽全力改正的！！
Thank you soooooooooooo much !


******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

第一次写作文，肯定会有很多不对不好需要修改的地方！！请各位不要嫌弃我~~帮我改出不足！
小女子在此跪谢~~
先是综合部分~~
The reading passage talks about the "great house" in the America. There are three reasons explain the use of this house. However, professor does not think these points are convinced.
First of all, the reading passage claims that they were used as home. Over 100 people lived in the big house. The professor believes that the Chaco structures were not an apartment, though they seemed to be. Inside of the house, there is only few fire place that cannot support more than 100 people live.
Secondly, the reading material says that the great house's function was storing food. While, the professor holds an opposite opinion. If they were used to store grain maize, excavations should be covered by crops and the floor could not have grain maize.
Thirdly, the reading material thinks that houses were ceremonial centers because of lots of broken pots which be used by archaeologists to identify Pueblo Alto as an ceremonial centers. However, the professor claims that Pueblo Alto had many materials besides pots and these pots just were trash.

然后是独立部分
People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.

On contemporary society, people tend to work together as a team which means they should have team spirit. As a team worker who cannot accept the suggestions even the criticism from others will not be successful. The criticism can urge people improve their efficiency and help them correct fault.


By accepting colleagues criticism, people could enhance their working efficiency. High working speed means high profits and more chance to promote. For instance, the managers in Apple company accepted their former CEO Jobs criticism and his back. Whatever Jobs' characters were, they knew he and his ideas were their wealth. As all people know, Jobs pursued perfect. So he always required workers in his team doing perfect. Iphones demand workers more efficient to develop more new applications. Although the progress was tough, people in Jobs team must achieve more than others. Of course, they had a big succeed.


Others criticism is a good way for people to correct their faults. Through criticism, people could get what they do is not enough and for their own benefit, they definitely change. For example, I did a research about people's live style with four classmates last summer holiday. At first, I wanted to invest different kinds of people in only one community. However, one of our team workers disagreed my opinion and criticized my incompletely thoughts. He claimed that we should research at least 5 kinds of communities. Meanwhile, we also needed do research on some shopping malls and beggars. Finally, the research was the best one in my school. If we did not follow others criticism, we would not have such a great succeed.


Admittedly, others criticism is not always right. Before we accept their advice, we had better think it over. Some bad criticisms make things worse. Take my brother Chou as an example. When he was a middle school student, he did not play computer games. But once he attended into high school, his classmates criticized him that he could not join them. Chou just accepted it and did not think about this criticism was right or wrong. After that, he adopted into games and had a poor score.


Taking into account all of factors, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that people in the team should listen to others' criticism in order to achieve succeed.

yzwdan818

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Most people often let others make decisions for them rather than
make decisions by themselves.

Do you choose your clothes by yourself or your parents? Do you make friends by yourself or others? Do you make business affairs by yourself or other people?（开头很好） I believe most people make above decisions by themselves not others. Although an advantage of letting others make decisions for them is saving time and energy, making their own decisions is far happier and more compatible. The merits of deciding by themselves out weight others do.

To begin with, decisions made by themselves(没有指代或者说指代不明) reflect their true needs, because no one knows others well except themselves. Put a very simple instance, when we go to shopping with friends, it is obvious that we have to choose ideal clothes. But the problem is that which one we choose: the one we like or the (one) friends prefer. On most circumstances, we choose the one we like instead of another(应该要加个名词，不能单独用吧). The main reason is that we know which dress on us look thinner, which coat makes us feel taller and which pants are more comfortable. Others' opinions, perhaps, could give us useful information, but the final one is made by our own. From trivial things to vital matters, the best decision is made by us.

In addition, the reason why so many people making decisions by themselves are that does good to cultivate independence and career succeeds. The procedure of deciding requires independent thinking and integration capabilities of information. A significant decision needs our utmost to probe the truth no matter how nonsignifant which（it） can influence the way of the whole thing. For example, a CEO or just a manager in a company has to deal with plenty of complicated affairs and makes a lot of decisions every day. If they rely on colleagues or their boss to decide all business affairs, I am afraid, they would ever and never(never and ever) feel the sense of promotion.


There is no denying that letting others replace us to decide will reduce our pressure and responsibilities. However, doing by ourselves not only can find the most suitable things but also can build our virtues, which is also most people’s choice. So……来个总结，自己决定比别人决定好，这样会显得更完整些。
基本功还不错，句式可以再多样一点，加强写长难句的能力（这一点我也很弱。。。。。。）

第一二三只

实在很抱歉，贴得怎么晚！耽误你修改了，我真的很抱歉啊！！！！下次不会了！！我会及时看通知的！

-- by 会员 第一二三只 (2013/3/14 13:38:42)

没事儿，我今天晚上给你改好，但是可能会稍微晚点，我自己还有13号的作文没写，还要给其它同学改，我尽量晚上11点之前改完~

-- by 会员 yzwdan818 (2013/3/14 14:13:08)

没关系没关系！！你慢慢改！我不着急~~

yzwdan818

实在很抱歉，贴得怎么晚！耽误你修改了，我真的很抱歉啊！！！！下次不会了！！我会及时看通知的！

-- by 会员 第一二三只 (2013/3/14 13:38:42)

没事儿，我今天晚上给你改好，但是可能会稍微晚点，我自己还有13号的作文没写，还要给其它同学改，我尽量晚上11点之前改完~

第一二三只

3.14独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
老师给学生自信比教专门知识更重要。

1,confidence influent the entire life ;决定孩子健康成长的心态，有助于提高学习兴趣，取得好成绩。
2, 自信是成功的基石。eg,将军打仗，coins ,正面。
自我暗示，a power. satifatory, happiess feelling;  lose--desperation

第一二三只

实在很抱歉，贴得怎么晚！耽误你修改了，我真的很抱歉啊！！！！下次不会了！！我会及时看通知的！

yzwdan818

同学，你好！队长安排我和你3.10号互改，你的文章还写吗？

第一二三只

3.10 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Most people often let others make decisions for them rather than
make decisions by themselves.

Do you choose your clothes by yourself or your parents? Do you make friends by yourself or others? Do you make business affairs by yourself or other people? I believe most people make above decisions by themselves not others. Although an advantage of letting others make decisions for them is saving time and energy, making their own decisions is far happier and more compatible. The merits of deciding by themselves out weight others do.


To begin with, decisions made by themselves reflect their true needs, because no one knows others well except themselves. Put a very simple instance, when we go to shopping with friends, it is obvious that we have to choose ideal clothes. But the problem is that which one we choose: the one we like or the friends prefer. On most circumstances, we choose the one we like instead of another. The main reason is that we know which dress on us look thinner, which coat makes us feel taller and which pants are more comfortable. Others' opinions, perhaps, could give us useful information, but the final one is made by our own. From trivial things to vital matters, the best decision is made by us.


In addition, the reason why so many people making decisions by themselves are that does good to cultivate independence and career succeeds. The procedure of deciding requires independent thinking and integration capabilities of information. A significant decision needs our utmost to probe the truth no matter how nonsignifant which can influence the way of the whole thing. For example, a CEO or just a manager in a company has to deal with plenty of complicated affairs and makes a lot of decisions every day. If they rely on colleagues or their boss to decide all business affairs, I am afraid, they would ever and never feel the sense of promotion.


There is no denying that letting others replace us to decide will reduce our pressure and responsibilities. However, doing by ourselves not only can find the most suitable things but also can build our virtues, which is also most people’s choice.

Tancyfox

Nowadays, an increasing number of employeesplace considerable emphasis on prolong rest time by working long hours forthree days a week rather than shorter hours for five days. However, as far as Iam concerned, the original working pattern has more merits which isare less stress on every day,(是不是应该多加几个优点在这) have （主语应该是workingpattern吧）enough time to take care of families and also could create moreprofit for companies than three-day working.

First of all, working shorter hours wouldnot put employees into high pressure environment. Most people would feelexhausted when whole day working这个表达上可以改一下,not to mention for three days does. Even though there is four day+s to relax, the other three days' tension is out ofphysical endurance of a normal person, especially for women. Besides, if peoplework for three days, to maintain the business of the company, employees mustcondense their five-day task into three days, which means a double workload andstress. As people all know, high pressure would enhance the rate of depressionand heart disease and keep them in sub-health.

In addition, a short working hour givesstaffs more spare time to look after their family, like house cleaning andcooking, and strengthen the relationship. For human beings, there is a greatnecessity to bind their family bone by daily and trivial things such as talkingwith each other, helping them cleaning house, even washing dishes（两个是并列关系，应该是平行结构） that all are the joint of love.( Too muchwoke on three days would weaken that joint and prevent body do other consumingthings这句话表述有点奇怪，再时态有点问题). On the other hand, in terms of employees a four-day rest wouldwear working passion down. People have to adjust themselves into working stylewhen they start to work. However, when just into working pattern（Work enthusiasm感觉见到的多一点）, they can have a long relax. Onthe contrary, it is much more efficient when people work for five days,probably due to the stability.

Last but not the least, (改为last but not least) people work forfive days can create greater wealth for companies and country than three daydoes. On contemporary society, most countries adopt the eight-hour day workingsystem. If condense这个词蛮少用的 the equal jobsinto three days, staffs must do more than ten hours a day which is obviouslyimpossible.（这句语法上有点看不清） So the companies have toshorten hours which will decrease the profits and hinder economic development.

Taking above all into account, workingshorter hours for five days in a week is better than three days.
文章用了很多固定搭配，学术词汇用的比较恰当，连接词用的很多样话所以层次蛮清晰的，语法上有一丢丢小缺憾但应该是可以很快就克服的~可适当增加几条从句，表达上更加多样化一些~                

第一二三只

3.7 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more enjoyable to have a job and work long hours for three days in a week than to work shorter hours for five days in a week.

Nowadays, an increasing number of employees place considerable emphasis on prolong rest time by working long hours for three days a week rather than shorter hours for five days. However, as far as I am concerned, the original working pattern has more merits which is less stress on everyday, have enough time to take care of families and also could create more profit for companies than three-day working.



First of all, working shorter hours would not put employees into high pressure environment. Most people would feel exhausted when whole day working, not to mention for three days does. Even though there is four day to relax, the other three days' tension is out of physical endurance of a normal person, especially for women. Besides, if people work for three days, to maintain the business of the company, employees must condense their five-day task into three days, which means a double workload and stress. As people all know, high pressure would enhance the rate of depression and heart disease and keep them in sub-health.



In addition, a short working hour gives staffs more spare time to look after their family, like house cleaning and cooking, and strengthen the relationship. For human beings, there is a great necessity to bind their family bone by daily and trivial things such as talking with each other, helping them clean house, even washing dishes that all are the joint of love. Too much woke on three days would weaken that joint and prevent body do other consuming things. On the other hand, in terms of employees a four-day rest would wear working passion down. People have to adjust themselves into working style when they start to work. However, when just into working pattern, they can have a long relax. On the contrary, it is much more efficient when people work for five days, probably due to the stability.


Last but not the least, people work for five days can create greater wealth for companies and country than three day does. On contemporary society, most countries adopt the eight-hour day working system. If condense the equal jobs into three days, staffs must do more than ten hours a day which is obviously impossible. So the companies have to shorten hours which will decrease the profits and hinder economic development.

Taking above all into account, working shorter hours for five days in a week is better than three days.