DB的作文贴

搞G战士DB

进群很久了，终于下决心跟队练习了。我很菜- - 写的不好，更不会改。不过我会学习的！坚持下去一定会进步！大家狠拍哈！

仿佛已经看到了第一篇作文会有多惨- -

clover928

加油大宝。。。你这头像太有喜感了哈哈哈

d0gzi

谢谢批改~~~
感激T-T！

xeyyxzty

the ability to do吧~of doing我不知道有没有啊~还有就是这篇文章貌似之前写过~你可以翻翻我的作文贴去~今天我没有又粘一遍


Peopleare always talking about being patient all the time. Nevertheless, it might bethe worst of all strategies in the world. It is significant to be patientsometimes,but I, after careful thought, still insist on that we should takeaction now rather than later. After all, being patient all the time will wasteour time and may cause us loss (lose) the courage to take action. Meanwhile, taking actionsimmediately can improve our ability of solving problems.
开头很好哟~
At the very beginning, being patient can reallywaste our time thus cause(感觉这个词怎么这么怪呢~个人感觉哈，也不知道该用什么比较好) us miss thoseprecious chances. For instance, when I was a six-year-old boy, I wanted tolearn playing the piano, but my parents said I was too young and should bepatient, they will(would) send me to learn when I grew older. However, when I grew older(和前面重复了~years later怎么样), I had endless homework to do that I did not have time tolearn anything else. In another hand（这是什么用法？on the contrary? 还是别的什么）, however, my friend Liu got lots of benefits by takingactions immediately. He always wanted to go to Tibet, but he was too poor andlacked of experience, almost everyone told him to wait until he has made allthe stuff prepared. Ignoring all of those words, he just putted on his bagwith the only money he got and began his journey. At last, after all thedifficulties and dangers, he experienced the most fantastic forty days in hislife and gained what others may never have. From the two opposite examples Ilisted above, you can see that being patient all the time can waste our timeand miss the chance that we may only have only once in our life.

Furthermore, taking actions now can improve ourability of solving problems. The only reason for being patient is that it isnot the best time yet. But things won’t be easier through our waiting, thedifficulties and dangers would not just disappear, we need to face what we haveto. And along the path we come through all those difficulties and dangers, weimproved our ability of solving problems without knowing it(不太清楚指什么，所以也没有看懂这一句). Set an example of my classmate Li. She always asked mequestions about how to prepare for TOEFL. Once she told me that she did notknow whether she was capable enough to start doing TPO. I told her that there was no need toask questions like this, the solution was so simple, just tried it and she will know whether she were good enough（时态凌乱了~）. We alwaysgot frightened before we start doing something thus told ourselves we should bepatient until we are prepared. The truth is, you can never get everythingprepared, the only way we make through difficulty is to improve ourselves bytrying to solving it.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listedabove, I really think we should take actions now rather than later, since thepresent is what we can truly control and we should make it glorious.



可能是例子的原因~时态有点小混乱（话说我口语复述的时候容易也这样）
总体来说有进步
继续加油~

婷婷connie

9.18 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
婷婷过来改文啦~ 红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩

18的题不是呀，嘿嘿，照改吧
People are always talking about being patient all the time. Nevertheless, it might be the worst of all strategies in the world. It is significant to be patient sometimes(这里论证很严谨，赞~),but I, after careful thought, still insist on that we should take action now rather than later. After all, being patient all the time will waste our time and may cause us loss the courage to take action. Meanwhile, taking actions immediately can improve our ability of solving problems.

At the very beginning, being patient can really waste our time thus cause（causes） us miss those precious chances. For instance, when I was a six-year-old boy, I wanted to learn playing the piano, but my parents said I was too young and should be patient, they will（would） send me to learn when I grew older. However, when I grew older, I had endless homework to do that I did not have time to learn anything else. In another hand（on the other hand这么表达会好些）, however, my friend Liu got lots of benefits by taking actions immediately. He always wanted to go to Tibet, but he was too poor and lacked of experience, almost everyone told him to wait until he has made all the stuff(stuffs) prepared. Ignoring all of those words, he just putted on his bag with the only（little） money he got and began his journey. At last, after all（despite of） the difficulties and dangers（hardship and hazard）, he experienced the most fantastic forty days in his life and gained what others may never have. From the two opposite examples I listed above, you can see that being patient all the time canwaste our time and miss the chance that we may only have once in our life.(这句话点得很好~)

Furthermore, taking actions now can（不要一直用can,类似于enable/make/be able to/it is possible that/ it is obvious/conspicuous that都可以用~） improve our ability of solving problems. The only reason for being patient is that it is not the best time yet. But things won’t(will not) be easier through our waiting, the difficulties and dangers would not just disappear, we need to face what we have to（这里的结构貌似有问题，不过也说不上来，直接写quandary/dilemma）. And along the path we come through all those difficulties and dangers, we improved our ability of solving problems without knowing it. （To）Set a example of my classmate Li.（这里改成逗号）She always asked me questions about how to prepare for TOEFL. Once she told me that she did not know whether she was capable enough to start doing TPO. I told her that there was no need to ask questions like this, the solution was so simple, just tried it and she will（would） know whether she were good enough. We always got frightened before we start doing something thus told ourselves we should be patient until we are prepared. The truth is, you can never get everything prepared, the only way we make through difficulty is to improve ourselves by trying to solving it.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I really think we should take actions now rather than later, since the present is what we can truly control and we should make it glorious.



Conclusion:

1.观点很好~要是再来一个就好了+1 -1都可以的

2.语言方面还要斟酌一下，多用不同表达，体现多样性

3.一个观点下没有必要举两个例子，这样写作会很占时间，如果一定要用对比，两个都写简略一点

4.Fighting ^o^

搞G战士DB

918独立 （感觉这两天越写越烂了……）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

People are always talking about being patient all the time. Nevertheless, it might be the worst of all strategies in the world. It is significant to be patient sometimes,but I, after careful thought, still insist on that we should take action now rather than later. After all, being patient all the time will waste our time and may cause us loss the courage to take action. Meanwhile, taking actions immediately can improve our ability of solving problems.

At the very beginning, being patient can really waste our time thus cause us miss those precious chances. For instance, when I was a six-year-old boy, I wanted to learn playing the piano, but my parents said I was too young and should be patient, they will send me to learn when I grew older. However, when I grew older, I had endless homework to do that I did not have time to learn anything else. In another hand, however, my friend Liu got lots of benefits by taking actions immediately. He always wanted to go to Tibet, but he was too poor and lacked of experience, almost everyone told him to wait until he has made all the stuff prepared. Ignoring all of those words, he just putted on his bag with the only money he got and began his journey. At last, after all the difficulties and dangers, he experienced the most fantastic forty days in his life and gained what others may never have. From the two opposite examples I listed above, you can see that being patient all the time can waste our time and miss the chance that we may only have once in our life.

Furthermore, taking actions now can improve our ability of solving problems. The only reason for being patient is that it is not the best time yet. But things won’t be easier through our waiting, the difficulties and dangers would not just disappear, we need to face what we have to. And along the path we come through all those difficulties and dangers, we improved our ability of solving problems without knowing it. Set a example of my classmate Li. She always asked me questions about how to prepare for TOEFL. Once she told me that she did not know whether she was capable enough to start doing TPO. I told her that there was no need to ask questions like this, the solution was so simple, just tried it and she will know whether she were good enough. We always got frightened before we start doing something thus told ourselves we should be patient until we are prepared. The truth is, you can never get everything prepared, the only way we make through difficulty is to improve ourselves by trying to solving it.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I really think we should take actions now rather than later, since the present is what we can truly control and we should make it glorious.

搞G战士DB

同学，我下午考了三个小时考试，然后一直在马路上奔波。。刚安顿下来，现在给你看作文哦，不好意思有些晚了，大概一个小时内给你看好。先占个楼。

-- by 会员 235852140 (2012/9/18 20:46:13)

我也刚从图书馆回来，现在给你看哈~

235852140

917独立修改      Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D      错误建议好

Currently, more and more people think students are constrained by grades while others stand on the （+opposite）points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it is that grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, still believe that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students to learn.（这句话有两个谓语了哦，但却没有连词连接，成了RUN-ON句型了。加了and就好了。） From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition（说create a good learning atmosphere更好） but also brings（not only, but also后面的形式要一致，并且是主谓一致，前面是put,这里面应该是bring）students a target to fight for. Meanwhile, the proper stress it brings is a good supervision for students’ study.   （第一段很好哦，点名主旨并提到了后文要说的内容）

First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled with competition. The law of jungle is the truth of our society, including schools.（这句不太通，including一般是引导短语表伴随，修饰逗号前面的那个词或者主语，表示那个词其中包括什么什么。这里就成了学校包含在社会里/学校包含在胜者为王里。有些中式英语。改：the law of jungle exists not only in the society but also in our schools.或者别的说法亲琢磨琢磨。） When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not. （从翻译过来的意思来看，个人感觉说判断一个学生的学习效果如何会更好。亲翻译一下感觉感觉）Since almost every students（都说every了 就该student了 没有s） want （wants） to be brilliant and get compliment and recognition from others, they（如果前面用every student这里就用he or she。如果前面用almost all students这里就用they。这句的指代有点混乱哦。后面的have形式同理。 ）have to compete with each other and try their best to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition will inspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyone around you is studying, it is naturally that you want to join them （them指代谁？这句里面唯一的可以指代对象就是 those students，但是显然亲是想指代那些学习的学生。所以指代错误了，them复数的怎么能指代everyone。 ）.

Secondly, grades can bring students a clear target to fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know how good or bad they are. （翻译：他们不能知道他们自己是好是坏。应该是他们不知道自己的成绩是好是坏,或者学习效果是好是坏。改：their learning effect is） However, since we have grades,（可以说through the grading system, 来换换句式，since用的有点多） students could know exactly where they are（说知道他们的水平如何更好）and how good they want to be, （+and） thus can make an appropriate plan+s to get their target. For instance, I was one of top students during my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, I got a headache problem and my grades fallen （fell） behind a little bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot stand I am not the best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and（三个并列，后两个之间有and就行，and改逗号）took actions strictly and got back to the top finally. So grades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to work harder on learning.

Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is a good supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure have（has） bad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However, proper stress does no bad on students, instead（instead是adv，不能连接两个句子，前面的逗号改成句号。）, it can push students to give all they got（这是什么。。。改：give every effort）to study. Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people have higher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. You must have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hours before the deadline. Set a （an）example of myself, the knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is more than those I did in days before that.   Since I’ve experienced the benefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring to students is a good supervision for their study.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.

总结：整体结构很好，开头点名主旨并有意引出后面的分论点。但是要多注意：语义，逻辑，单复数，指代等问题。整体语音还有待提高，部分句意不符合逻辑。句子之间的衔接也需要再加强。
希望我的批改对你有帮助，有异议的地方可以互相探讨。祝亲更上一层楼~加油~

xeyyxzty

我和你的观点不同哟~

Currently,more and more people think students are constrained by grades while othersstand on the points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it isthat grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, stillbelieve that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students tolearn. From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition(acompetitive atmosphere怎么样~我也不知道两者优劣哈) butalso brings students a target to fight for(target是用来fight的吗？去掉to fight for也可以吧~).Meanwhile, the proper stress itbrings(they bring) is a goodsupervision for students’ study.

First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled withcompetition(和之前的完全一样真的可以吗?不过你三段都这样貌似也没什么哈~忽略我吧…). The law of jungle is the truth of oursociety, including schools. When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair(fairest) way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not.Since almost every students want to be brilliant and get compliment andrecognition from others, they have to compete with each other and try theirbest to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition(这个东西好像第三次了…) willinspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyonearound you is studying, it is naturally thatyou want to join them.

Secondly, grades can bring students a clear targetto fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know howgood or bad they are. However, since we have grades, students could knowexactly where they are and how good they want to be, thus can make anappropriate plan to get their target. For instance, I was one of top studentsduring my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, Igot a headache problem and my grades fallen behind (drop down怎么样)alittle bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot(couldn’t) standI am(was) notthe best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and took actions according to it（我也不知道有没有必要哈） strictly and got back to the top finally. Sogrades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to workharder on learning.

Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is agood supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure havebad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However,proper stress does no bad on students, instead, it can push students to give all they got to study.（没有领悟含义~）Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people havehigher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. Youmust have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hoursbefore the deadline. Set an example of myself, the amount of knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is morethan those(that) I did in days before that. Since I’ve experienced thebenefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring tostudents is a good supervision for their study.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listedabove, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.



小问题不断~时态什么的，这个一定要注意哦
用词喜欢重复~这个是共性问题注意就好~再积累一下
总体来说还不错

搞G战士DB

917独立Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D

Currently, more and more people think students are constrained by grades while others stand on the points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it is that grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, still believe that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students to learn. From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition but also brings students a target to fight for. Meanwhile, the proper stress it brings is a good supervision for students’ study.

First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled with competition. The law of jungle is the truth of our society, including schools. When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not. Since almost every students want to be brilliant and get compliment and recognition from others, they have to compete with each other and try their best to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition will inspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyone around you is studying, it is naturally that you want to join them.

Secondly, grades can bring students a clear target to fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know how good or bad they are. However, since we have grades, students could know exactly where they are and how good they want to be, thus can make an appropriate plan to get their target. For instance, I was one of top students during my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, I got a headache problem and my grades fallen behind a little bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot stand I am not the best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and took actions strictly and got back to the top finally. So grades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to work harder on learning.

Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is a good supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure have bad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However, proper stress does no bad on students, instead, it can push students to give all they got to study. Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people have higher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. You must have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hours before the deadline. Set a example of myself, the knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is more than those I did in days before that. Since I’ve experienced the benefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring to students is a good supervision for their study.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.