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3月13日 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job, and you work only three days a week with long hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours. 红色错误,蓝色疑问,黄色精彩 The issue of (这个有点多余?)whether it is more enjoyable to work only three days a week with long hours than work five days a week with shorter hours has been a heated dabateddebate ( aroused a heated debate)in our contemporary society. Different people hold different ideas(这样写会更好:people hold various ideas)according to their distinguished different(distinguished是“卓越的,著名的”的意思) backgrounds. Some people may say that working too many hours a day will be very tired and have(强调施加,建议使用exert) harmful effects on people's health, while others assets that our life will be much more happier if we have four days off every week. In my point of view, although the former statement is not wholly unsupportive(这么写老外可能看不懂,直接表达就行,建议使用plausible), the latter idea is more reasonable for certain reasons.
To begin with, people can live a more(更后面的longer照应)meaningful life by arranging their leisure time, if they can enjoy a longer weekend. For example, my mother, who is a very busy business woman,(is a businesswoman, who nearly have no spare time, and she )always dreams about taking a dancing class with my father. If she can(have a )rest for four days a week, she can( will be able to)spend more time with our family and enjoy music and art to relaxherself. What's more, she can even go to the college in her spare time and learn more about her business.(There is possibility for her to come to the college and accumulate more on her business) This example maybe quite small, but since it is common in all around the world, it does make sense to support my opinion.(这句话感觉很中式,直接说有意义就行)
注意词汇的多样性,不要一直用can,比如说enable, make, let,via doing 都是可以的.
Furthermore, having a longer weekend can doesgood to the employersas welltoo, by stimulating the employees to work more efficiently. This is not only because people will have to work for long hours a day,(这一句没有读懂)but also because people will work very hard if there is a long holiday waiting for them. And for those who love their jobs, they will finish their work at home and thus increase the working hours. 该段未展开,之后可以再跟一个细节描写,比如只工作三天的人是怎么提高工作效率的
Finally, even the whole society can benefit from the long weekend. That is because an increasing number of people will spend more time on shopping and traveling, and this will stimulate(更换成promote)the economy of the country, and make more people wealthy.
To conclude, given the reasons I discussed above, which sometimesarecorrelated with each other and thus become more persuasive, we can safely(很别扭,用accurately 吧) arrived at the conclusion that if people only have to work three days a week, not only workers but also employees, and even the society as a whole will benefit a lot.
Conclusion:词汇量仍需扩充,注意多样性。每一段之后一定要紧跟细节,这是采分点
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