赵晴老师批改的GRE作文

竹林中人

It is the art, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value.

Ask if the art brought our society something valuable, the answer should be obvious. [comments: The answer is not obvious to me. 这句话的答案并不明确, 读者还是不知道你的answer是But Ppeople may argue that the critics are useless. , Hhowever, we should not overemphasize on the function of art or critic, and they should work together for us. [Comment: you shouldn’t use the word “but” and “however” in the same sentence.]

We may all generally agree that art enriches our life. They can It [你前面用的是art, 后面就不能用provides pleasure and offer entertainment. It is the true art that satisfiesy us when we watch the ballet Swan Lake, enjoying a peaceful and agreeable [agreeable 通常用来形容人time; we like reading novels and were absorbed by the brilliant episodes which is brilliant; we can find a variety features great variety in a drama, good or evil, both appearinged[一句话里不能同时出现两个动词原型, 前面已经有find了 on the stage. Moreover, the art teaches us. The film Forrest Gump directed by Robert Zemeckis depicts a pure image of Gump, and advocates to traditional moral concepts and embodiment. [embodiment 用在这里有点词不达意]. We also considered the role of art as tools a tool [注意前后一致for artists to protest unjust society. In early 20th-centry America, Theodore Dreiser used the novel [哪本小说to point out the devastating loss of a place in the war; . That that is, the artist can sees what our peoplewe cannot do not and tell what happensed in realismreality.

On the contractHowever [没有on the contract这个词组, art is not always used in a valuable way. When art is used to only servefor the monarch or leaders of Church, the nature of art is changed. At the beginning of the 19th century [这个时间点是怎么来的?因为在梵蒂冈艺术一向适合宗教结合的, 从 Michelangelo 所在的15, 16世纪就早已如此, artist, who took order from the leaders, became craftsmen, and much of their work came to be a symbol of superiority, which are cost-prohibitive and waste manpower[这句话逻辑有点乱, 为什么serving the church就是waste of manpower?]. We need art to reflect the culture and value of certain periods of a society. , Aart is should be a product of the artist’s authentic passion and initiative impulse rather than a means to catering tothe power.

Indeed, art can provides society valuable things., Nnevertheless, critics can help us interpret art in a better way. Consider, for example, critics of a new novel serving as outline [意思不明确can often help us to understand the content of the a story. Art critics today work not only in print media—in specialist art magazines as well as newspapers, but also on the internet, on TV and on radio, and even in museums and galleries. We can determine which art absorb us by the help of critics which Critics cansavesus considerable amount of time when we are overwhelmed with the huge amount of choices and have difficulty in determining our favorite. our time and ultimately choose our favorite. Moreover, it [it 指代不明also can also enhance a layman’s standard in appreciating and understanding art by providing a professional background and easy-understanding words instead of obscure terms [这点未必正确. Critics 的 art review, 往往写的很艰深难懂. In short, critics are helpful for a person who is first contact with art. [这句话并不能总结你这一段的内容

However, critics’ opinions may cause asometimes be misleading way access to art. The best illustratione for my opinion iscan be found in the early critics’ reviews to of Beethoven, which in which the critics complained about his Beethoven’s symphonies as causing their ears to hurt. An Aart criticis always often limited by the confines of the old judgment standard and established parameters. They want to agitate the enthusiasm of the masses and demonstrate the unique position of society.[这句话的意思不明确 Besides, critics’s role seemed to be superficial and transient compare to the art, it also act as a subordinate role which could not appears before art, and a critic may not superior to artist for is often subordinate compared to that of the artist. thatThe artist is the creative person who create the production of his mind and impulsewith the original ideas, yet while the critics is the person who just describes his subjective thought of that production. [最后这句话的观点很有新意, 但是似乎不能解释who has a lasting value, artists or critics]

In sum, art does provide something valuable to our society through by offering pleasure and entertainment in terms of various form such as novel, films, music and so on. While while art critic can also help us to understand art and decide which worth our time to learn. On the contrary, [用在这里并不恰当. On the contrary 前面的一句话通常是要反驳的错误观点. I think he is a good person; on the contrary, he is a very bad guy.] However, critic, constrained by their own vision and perspective,  may have it deceptive flaws biased opinions which will disturb our mind andinfluence our opinions and reactions to art. Should Therefore, we needstrike a balance between art and critic to better the society and make both of them work for our people to appreciate something of lasting valuableand capitalize on the expertise of both in appreciating various forms of art .

Great first stab. 总体来说我有以下几点feedbacks--
1. 思路很清楚, 段落之间的标志词也用的很到位. 文章的框架因此非常清晰.
2. 一些想法很有新意, 算得上是insightful, 但是要稍微注意观点的提炼.
3. 语言总体来说不错, 但是要注意以下几点--

a. 注意主谓一致问题
b. 有些表达意思不够清楚, 读者看起来有难度.