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PS,想申BUFFALO,欢迎大家猛拍砖给意见~~~~非常想听不足的意见,语言激烈点也没问题,求意见

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楼主
发表于 2011-11-8 10:27:40 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |正序浏览 |阅读模式
Personal Statement
Briefly describe your career objectives. Be as specific as you can concerning the types of positions and responsibility levels to which you aspire. Include short-term and long-term goals. Describe how you expect the MS program to help you achieve your goals. (Approximately 700 words.)

The reason why I chose financial as my Master degree is not merely because it’s profitable, but mainly because I want to make contributions to improving the underdeveloped financial situation in China. Furthermore, my interest is in venture capital.  
On the one hand, many small and medium-sized enterprises are in lack of capital. For example, in September 2011, there were a large number of enterprises going bankrupt in Wenzhou, the reason for which was that national tightening credit led to loan failures of many small and medium-sized enterprises, and thus they had to raise funds through usuries. The excessive use-cost of capital made enterprises can not operate any more. On the other hand, China held vast deposits in banks. Residents’ means of investment are limited. I will analyze which enterprises are worth of investment, to inject capitals to those companies of potential and in need of funds, and to bring in profits for investors, using my financial knowledge gained in my master’s stage.  
In the first 2 years of my college life, I familiarized myself of quantitative methods, economics, corporate finance and portfolio management, financial reporting analysis, equity and fixed income through self studying Securities association certificates. Now I am teaching myself CFA Level 1. On 3rd December I will take part in CFA Level 1 Exam in Ghuangzhou. Through the study of CFA, I better understood the financial differences between America and China, and strengthened my determination to study in the US.  
My short-term career goal is to study MFS in America after I graduate in 2012. Being a people-oriented person, I like to get along with others.  I prefer Investment Management, Financial Policies and Strategy, Management of Financial Institutions,International Financial Management to Financial Modeling, which is apt to quantitative methods. Though having a good fundamental of mathematics, I don’t want to work with the computer all day long. After graduation, I tend to work for investment banking or consulting firm. I hope to practically use my MSF knowledge in my job. The department I serve should better be related to analyzing the values of the company and providing advices for its development. The department should also assist the government and customers to raise funds in international stock market and debt market, and provide professional consultation service for the reshuffle of the enterprises, privation, merger, jointly operation and strategic investment. After 3-5 years of study, I hope I could be the head of a department, leading a team of approximately 10 persons, becoming a district supervisor, ranking as a member of middle management in the company.
At the age of 28, after having worked in a investment banking or consulting firm for 3-5 years, I expect to join a venture capital firm, IDG (CHINA) and DINGHUI INVESTMENT, the 2 successful companies in China being my goal. When I am 40 years old, I plan to set up my own venture capital firm. I am inclined to invest in fast moving consumer goods, instead of high-tech area appealing to traditional venture capital, because I am optimistic about the potential of Chinese fast moving consumer goods. I believe that Investment Management and Financial Policies and Strategy, these 2 courses will be a great help for my future management in investment.
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16#
发表于 2012-12-16 11:29:42 | 只看该作者
我去,没看到时间...是谁把这么久远的帖子又顶上来的...
15#
发表于 2012-12-16 11:25:42 | 只看该作者
只看了楼主第一句,就觉得楼主的语言比较啰嗦而且比较中式...
choose financial as my master degree...首先financial 至少应该换成finance吧。
第一句稍微改了一下,仅供参考。
The reason why I chose to pursue a Master's degree in Finance is that I want to improve the underdeveloped financial situation in China and I am interested in venture capital.
不喜勿拍啊
14#
发表于 2012-12-15 16:15:41 | 只看该作者
我咋觉得和我当年写的一模一样。。。
13#
发表于 2011-11-20 08:51:07 | 只看该作者
我感觉中小企业融资难那块描述有点多了~因为美国那边肯定对中国中小企业融资这块有了解。
LZ应该着重分析如何解决该问题,以及UB能提供的帮助。
个人意见
12#
发表于 2011-11-20 08:45:07 | 只看该作者
楼主赶上第一轮了吗?
11#
发表于 2011-11-20 08:29:40 | 只看该作者
楼主的PS找人改过没?感觉有些句子的表达不大地道哦!
10#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-11-8 14:35:11 | 只看该作者
给意见~
9#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-11-8 13:17:21 | 只看该作者
LS几位给的意见都有道理
我下午再改一改
还有没有人给点意见啊
8#
发表于 2011-11-8 12:22:40 | 只看该作者
why i choose "financial"??
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