I130，最后两周，求拍求建议~

大剑Jade

Issue
新G题号：130
题目：Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.
写作要求：Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.


With more and more large companies coming into being nowadays, there seems to be a situation where a titanic company could compete with a small country. Thus it arouses two diverse opinions concerning the corporations’ developments. One opinion is that corporations bear a burden to improve the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate, whereas others opine that corporations need to focus only on making as much as money as possible. While both opinions hold plausible in certain aspects, the former opinion might be more practical than the latter one.
Admittedly, there’s no denying that corporations should maintain themselves by making sufficient money. Without money corporations could achieve any goal, let alone one pertaining to being beneficial to others. The money help corporations go through all sorts of challenges, and represent the statuses which indicates the abilities of leaders of these corporations. Thus, not only could corporations lose anything but money, but all they are aiming for is financial booming as well. For example, Steve Jobs has saved the Apple with a method of developing new devises time and again, and just because these devises the Apple has made a sum of money, let alone Steve has earned money and fame along with it as well. In this case, we could see that neither Steve nor the Apple could even survive without the “financial aids” from all over the world. Similar to the Apple, when we look at the whole world, we could also find that the largest and greatest corporations are almost solely determined by the amount of money they make.
However, making money is never the only responsibility of corporations. In the past, when the ability of production was not so developed compared to now, corporations might concentrate merely on their own interests, since the detrimental impacts they made were much smaller than today. But partly because of globalization, the influences of corporations are becoming more and more ubiquitous as well as gargantuan. It’s easy for a company to meet a whole country’s demand for now, thereby responsibilities must be taken in case of overwhelming powers of corporations, and in order to build a more thriving society. For instance, leaders of large corporations could play a salient role of education—take account of Steve Jobs again, his famous speech at Stanford is well-known all over the world, and his famous quote ”stay hungry, stay foolish” has been able to galvanize a great many young people to pursue their dreams and ambitions. They are just like paragons, who could set the models for others to emulate. And the final result could be beneficial to the leaders themselves, in that young people goaded by them could be so competitive that they might constitute a new generation of elites in those corporations, leading a new era of inventions and innovations.
In retrospect, corporations should never narrow their scope to only aspects of finance. The larger a company becomes, the more responsibility it bears. This is equivalent to the famous aphorism: More powerful you are, more responsible you are. Though it seems an albatross around the leader’s neck to direct his company toward making a better ambience around it upon impending financial problems, the responsibility ought to be at least considered day and night, and born into the leader’s skin.
551words,31min

ppguo

语法问题是在改的过程中提高的。

ppguo

“cqcn", 你拍得太专业了！

大剑Jade

呃，语言问题只能循序渐进啊，多写主要是为了这个~搜集素材的时候如果多留意下纽约时报什么的上面的表达，自然就能写的很顺了

cqcn1991

感觉你说的挺在理，不过题目中法律应该是个补充的附带条件，感觉不用说的太详细，直接说单单靠法律不够就行了。但是第一条很不错。另外例子用的是最近很火爆的事件啊，真不错。。遇到高人了啊，拜服~~嗯，以后我把提纲列出来的先。

-- by 会员 大剑Jade (2011/10/13 13:41:24)

我的提纲恐怕就写了不知道几个月了……
不知道你能不能指点一下我下面说的那些语言表达的问题……我是不知道怎么用英文去准确的表述

感谢你提醒法律的问题，本来我以为法律也只是一小部分而已
刚才回过头去看，才发现占的比重太大了……疏忽了

大剑Jade

嗯哪，写的时候要把握住篇幅，像我这篇就是写的时候一个不小心社会写长了，环境就没时间写了。

冷月钟笛

嗯 普渡哥的意见是对的，环境也要讲，之前没有考虑过这部分，只是笼统地摘责任还是不够具体啊~ 这里高人真多！看评论就受益匪浅啊~！

大剑Jade

感觉你说的挺在理，不过题目中法律应该是个补充的附带条件，感觉不用说的太详细，直接说单单靠法律不够就行了。但是第一条很不错。另外例子用的是最近很火爆的事件啊，真不错。。遇到高人了啊，拜服~~嗯，以后我把提纲列出来的先。

cqcn1991

建议Jade把提纲写出清楚一些发出来……这样看脉络好，直接提意见，不然还得先做篇阅读
现在我看到这篇文章感觉没有说到点子上，1.公司应该赚钱 2.公司应该贡献社会
但是我觉得点在于contradictory，是公司vs环境

说得有点不清楚，我把我自己的思路说一下：
1. 公司不可能只获取利益而不贡献社会
1.1motives, efficiency： 赚钱才能提供公司运转的动力、资源。公司的效率在于赚钱，环保、社会贡献可以交由其他机构负责
1.2但是实际上他们已经做了贡献，both direcly and indirecly，by taxes, and job creation, and possibly, 基础建设（修公路建子弟学校之类）.  
1.3 Some may argue that they 破坏了环境. However, 是当地确定的法律enable them to operates。如果人有意见的话，通过法律去against them就OK了
2.但是，仅仅只遵守法律是不够的
2.1 法律目前不完善，地方势力强大(不满环境政策，会直接抵制公司发展)，法律逐渐严密(为了满足未来的标准逐次提高设备的成本，远大于一次性达标的成本)
2.2 they are not only measured by law, but also by the public. 公众会有同法律不一样的评判标准，消费者抵制企业负面形象
2.3 长远利益，环境保护降低自身风险（例子见下），reputation（良好的公众形象，消费者信赖，竞争优势）

提供几个例子：
BP vs Chevron，都是石油公司：BP急功近利，不顾技术风险的管理，结果Mexican gulf spill了。Chevron 把环保、社会贡献做得极好，得到了当地民众的支持，发展顺利。In fact, 石油的开采是长期过程，投入大量资金的环保措施实际上能大大降低运营风险. BP就是因为这个东西自己搞砸了

几个语言表达不清楚：
遵守法律：operate within the law, 其他的表达方式呢……
基础建设，教育投入，国防建设(动宾表达,比如， build infrastructure, secure the country啥的，但是不知道怎么准确表达
环境破坏：destroy 和damage感觉程度都太大，应该侧重于“影响”，不知道怎么用更适合

大剑Jade