求大师帮忙批改下作文！

ZhuLi0829

我一周以后考GMAT, 这是练手的第一篇Issue, 模板是自己写的，请高人帮忙批改指正下吧！大谢！
题目：“It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.”
我的文章：The issue above claims that it is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make sacrifices to conserve energy independently and that international leadership and cooperation are essential. I fundamentally agree with this statement. The followings would greatly substantiate my point of view.
    The most important reason that must be taken into consideration is that the selfish nature of human beings. Human are born to be selfish and will fight for their interests by nature. Every individual nation is governed by people and policies made by governors can clearly reflect the selfish nature of human. For instance, although people all around the world are advocating diminishing the emission of CO2, those countries with CO2 emission are still emitting quantities of carbon dioxide by name of industry development. These facts happened around us show that it is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make sacrifices to conserve energy independently.
    In the second place, international leadership and cooperation play an important role on supervision and protection of the environment and resources. International cooperation can be made through international treaties or international laws which offer standards for individual nations and make them supervise each other. The 2009 International Conference on Protecting Climate and Environment in Denmark was a good example. During that conference time, more than 100 countries around the world had though negotiations and finally get the common agreement on diminishing emitting carbon dioxide and conserving fuel energy. Although there were not specific treaties on how much should be conserved for each nation, this result was significant and could not be achieved without international leadership and cooperation.
   Admittedly, some may argue that international leadership won’t be effective all the time and international cooperation can be broken sometime. We should notice that there is nothing on the earth can be effective all the time. Given the merits of international leadership and cooperation on conserving energy, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that instead of depending on individual nations to make necessary sacrifices to conserve energy, we should expect international leadership and cooperation to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.

ZhuLi0829

第一次上来发贴，呵呵，呼叫NN