ISSUE 82（关于每个学生都应该被送出国读书），求您PIA求您PIA谢谢~~

yzy0704

Nowadays, with the world developing so rapidly, the global economy, polity and civilization are becoming into a whole. Then many people argue that it is necessary for every student to study abroad for at least one term. Basically I agree with the idea, and I will surely bring about many advantages. But what I have to say is that it is almost impossible to come true at present.

Then what can it bring about to study abroad? Generally speaking, knowing about different cultures could help you to look through the problems you have confounded and analyze them more comprehensively. And it will also help you to understand your own culture more objectively, so that you could absorb the advanced foreign cultures in order to complete your own culture. To be more detailed, when you face something that is difficult to solve, the experience you learned from different cultures could lead you to analyze it in different angles. When you see some advantages which come from foreign cultures, you see the gaps between the developed countries and us, and then you would think what efforts we could do to reduce the gaps. What’s more, when you live in a completely different country, you could review your own culture in different eyes, and you may find something wrong in your native culture, which may be hard to find when you live in your own country.

In contrast, if you only know about your own culture, you have only a pair of eyes with a narrow vision, and you may just like a fog sitting at the bottom of the well, knowing nothing but the piece of sky above head. Just think about the Qing dynasty, in the early time, it is one of the most powerful countries in the world. Then with the time going on, the emperor held the point that the Qing dynasty had become the most developed empire in the world, and there was no need to learn from the western countries. History told them that they were completely wrong, and this ultimately led to the crisis of our country. So studying abroad and learning from the advanced cultures will surely be good for our own country.

However, though it is nice to study abroad, it may be just a dream nowadays, because not every country has such a big financial pledge. There are much more developing countries than the developed countries. For some of the developing countries it is even hard to feed their folks, and how could these countries make promise to send every students abroad? Especially for some countries with a huge population, such as China, to realize the dream is almost impossible.

So from the reasons above, we could draw a conclusion that although studying abroad can surely bring about lots of advantages, it is, as far as I am concerned, almost impossible to make the dream come true.

yzy0704

有木有人啊。。

yzy0704

55555  up

yzy0704

55555 up

竹林中人

are becoming into a whole---->也许forming要好点。
Then many people这里的then用的不合适。也许用Owing to this many people...要好点
and I will surely bring about----->这里的I应该是 this measure吧
the problems you have confounded------>是不是应该为 been confounded
you see the gaps between the developed countries and us这句话太过笼统，最好加上in some areas like economy，social wellfare and so on。
so that you could absorb the advanced foreign cultures ---->我觉得 absorb最好能接一个可感的词，符合吸收的特点，比如 nutrient什么的，简单的吸收文化，不好
complete your own culture？？what does this mean？
you learned from？宜为you‘ve learned。。
reduce the gaps.？？
以上仅是前两段的一些语言表达上的问题。感觉LZ的语言还是很生硬很chinglish，第二段中的长篇大论，其实是很多余的，你可以用精炼的几句话很好滴写出来的。
从文章内容和结构上讲，你的表达影响你的意思的表达。
我能给的建议是，如果你现在离考试还远，可以县全力提高自己的语言表达，这可以从写好托福作文开始，我推荐一本书《10天突破新托福essay》，因为你的语言的确需要提高。
如果时间不够了，就多读一些比较好的文章，学习下别人的表达，增强自己的语感，至少不要让自己的语言很生硬。
再就是不要通篇用you，阅卷者会感觉不舒服的

yzy0704

嗯。。语言我自己写得都觉得难听。。要去模仿一些别人么？

竹林中人

嗯。。语言我自己写得都觉得难听。。要去模仿一些别人么？

-- by 会员 yzy0704 (2012/4/16 19:35:32)

模仿是可以的，但不要整句地模仿，你学习的是句式和短语，以及单词意思的准确把握

yzy0704

噢。。谢谢斑竹。。