sunchou的写作作业（新人第一次参加，求狠批）

sunchou

综合写作 TPO25

The lectureapparently disputes points illustrated in the reading material. According tothe passage, it is not likely that the vessels acquired in Iraq were used aselectric batteries. However, the professor claimed that the vessels wereprobable used as batteries.

  First of all, the professor casts doubt onthe point in reading passage that the lack of wires is the evidence that thevessels were not used as batteries. She argues that it is noticeable that the localpeople discovered the vessels. They were not archaeologists, thus they mighthave overlooked or even threw away the wires they had found.
  Moreover, the professor admits that thecopper cylinder inside the jars looked exactly like copper cylinder discoveredin the ruins of Seleucia. However, she claims that proves nothing. Maybe thecopper cylinder was originally designed to generate electricity. It is likelythat the device was created for one purpose but adapted to another purposelater.
  Last, the professor does not agree with the statementin the passage that electricity was useless in the ancient time. In fact,people could use electricity to convince others some invisible power. Besides,electricity could be used for healing. It was recorded that some early doctorsused electricity to stimulate muscles.
  In conclusion, the professor refutes what ispresented in the reading passage.

sunchou

独立写作：

With the development of social economy, large numbers of people are involved in business consisting of many projects. In my opinion, it is better to go on with another project after completely finishing one project than working on multiple of projects at the same time.
  It is highly accepted that a person should finish the projects one by one. As a matter of fact, the efficiency in this type of working mode can achieve the peak. Take my own experience for example, in my final exam last semester, I had two difficult problems left. The time was limited, I got worried and wondered from one problem to another but eventually worked out neither of them. I came across with the similar situation in the next day’s test. However, this time, I concentrated on one problem and finally worked it out. Though I lost the last problem, I received the score of one problem at least.
  Besides, it is helpful to construct a logic thinking model for a person when he or she works on projects one by one. In modern times, people can get confused and even hopeless with the fast pace of lifestyle. Focusing on one particular thing becomes more and more difficult. Hence, it is essentially significant for modern people to cultivate a logic thinking model, which relieves the stress of daily life.
  Last but not least, sometimes it is the quality but quantity that counts more. Finishing projects one by one guarantee the quality of the work while working on multiple of projects at the same time declines the quality of the work. Would you prefer eating two green eggs to eating one completely cooked egg? The quality of your job can reflect the ability to handle the projects, the personality of yourself and your attitude towards the work, which improves the quality of your whole image.
  It is hard to handle several projects simultaneously and in my view, it is beneficial to work on another project until finishing one project.

sunchou

独立写作：

With the development of social economy, large numbers of people are involved in business consisting of many projects. In my opinion, it is better to go on with another project after completely finishing one project than working on multiple of projects at the same time.
  It is highly accepted that a person should finish the projects one by one. As a matter of fact, the efficiency in this type of working mode can achieve the peak. Take my own experience for example, in my final exam last semester, I had two difficult problems left. The time was limited, I got worried and wondered from one problem to another but eventually worked out neither of them. I came across with the similar situation in the next day’s test. However, this time, I concentrated on one problem and finally worked it out. Though I lost the last problem, I received the score of one problem at least.
  Besides, it is helpful to construct a logic thinking model for a person when he or she works on projects one by one. In modern times, people can get confused and even hopeless with the fast pace of lifestyle. Focusing on one particular thing becomes more and more difficult. Hence, it is essentially significant for modern people to cultivate a logic thinking model, which relieves the stress of daily life.
  Last but not least, sometimes it is the quality but quantity that counts more. Finishing projects one by one guarantee the quality of the work while working on multiple of projects at the same time declines the quality of the work. Would you prefer eating two green eggs to eating one completely cooked egg? The quality of your job can reflect the ability to handle the projects, the personality of yourself and your attitude towards the work, which improves the quality of your whole image.
  It is hard to handle several projects simultaneously and in my view, it is beneficial to work on another project until finishing one project.

lihaolan

With the development of social economy, large numbers(a large number.没有见过large numbers of) of people are involved in business consisting of many projects. In my opinion, it is better to go on with another project after completely finishing one project than working on multiple of projects at the same time.
It is highly accepted（widely acknowledged） that a person should finish the projects one by one. As a matter of fact, the efficiency in this type of working mode can achieve(reach) the peak. Take my own experience for example, in my final exam last semester, I had two difficult problems left. The time was limited, I got worried and wondered from one problem to another but eventually worked out neither of them. I came across with the similar situation in the next day’s test. However, this time, I concentrated on one problem and finally worked it out. Though I lost the last problem, I received the score of one problem at least.
Besides, it is helpful to construct a logic thinking model for a person when he or she works on projects one by one. In modern times, people can get confused and even hopeless with the fast pace of lifestyle. Focusing on one particular thing becomes more and more difficult. Hence, it is essentially significant for modern people to cultivate a logic thinking model, which relieves the stress of daily life.(这段主要论证分开完成对logic thinking model 的作用。重点不是logic thinking model 的重要性。大半篇幅和分论点关系部紧密)
Last but not least, sometimes it is the quality but quantity that counts more. Finishing projects one by one guarantee the quality of the work while working on multiple of projects at the same time declines the quality of the work. Would you prefer eating two green eggs（raw eggs） to eating one completely cooked egg? The quality of your job can reflect the ability to handle the projects, the personality of yourself and your attitude towards the work, which improves the quality of your whole image.
It is hard to handle several projects simultaneously, and in my view, it is beneficial to work on another project until finishing one project.

开头有点缺乏亮点。不过语言没有什么问题，就是有点平淡。多积累亮点。注意文章论点很要论述的分论点。

sunchou

thanks a lot，我觉得我就是没有亮点。文字平淡无奇，你觉得我这个问题应该多去看范文吗？

sunchou

2.19作业：
综合（TPO26）：Contrary to what is presented in the reading passage, the professorholds different opinions on the attitude towards the zebra mussel. He castthree doubts on what is illustrated in the reading passage.

First, it is true that the spread of mussel could not be controlledin the past, as is mentioned in the reading passage. However, the professorclaims the unstoppable spread of mussel was a consequence that the people inthe past lacked a knowledge on fish controlling, and the control can be achievednow. On the way humans travel across the ocean, they can replace the freshwater which is used to properly balance the ship's cargo with salt water, wherethe mussels can’t survive.
Second, the professor admits that the growth of mussels' populationis high when they were carried to a new habitat. But, this happens only in thebeginning. As a matter of fact, some predators that feed on other creatures canchange their eating habits, they will switch to eat the mussels when there is alarge population of mussels in the area. According to this factor, theprofessor claims that the mussels can not dominant a new habitat.
Third, the reading passage indicates that zebra mussels are likelyto cause a decline in the overall fish population in the habitat. In contrary,the professor raises the opinion that some fish's population may decline in thecompetition with the mussels, but other fish species, those who feed on bottomorganism and plant may increase their population.
Inconclusion, the professor apparently disputes the points illustrated in thereading passage and holds the opinion that the zebra mussels could not be aserious threat to freshwater fish populations.

独立：
题目是：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
学校应该出钱支持social activities还是改善学生伙食？Life is supposed to be colorful and excitingin the college, which claims that more support should be offered by the collegeadministration to enable the students to have more opportunities in doing theirsocial activities. Three reasons will be listed to demonstrate my opinion.
 Itis considered that the university is the right place for cultivating advancedyoung adults. According to the professor in my sociology class, advance youngadults need to be equipped with both wide range of knowledge and a richexperience in social activities. Taking the modern employment trend intoconsideration, this group of students, usually called the integrated advancedyoung adults, is what the employers most wanted. In this sense, it is afundamental responsibility of the college to support the students’ socialactivities.

 Inaddition, the students’ studying efficiency can become higher when their studylife is associated with different kinds of social activities. Recently, aresearch showed that it is a fascinating way to study with corresponding socialactivities. For an electronic engineering student, the social activity such asvisiting an IT company might illuminate his or her idea about a subject he isworking on. Another example, for a sociology student, the social activity suchas doing a public survey may provide an abundant experience for him or her.Students can be easily stimulated or encouraged in certain social activity, sothe significance of social activity is apparent.
Last but not least, it demonstrates a positive image of the collegeadministration while the supervisors greatly support the students’ socialactivities. This can help the college to obtain a good reputation amongstudents, hence, the college will stand a chance to attract more students cocome to this place to study. What’s more, more students implies wider range ofsocial activities. Through this type of positive cycling, the college willimprove greatly in its academic status among other counterparts. It isapparently a wise choice for the college to support the students’ socialactivities.
 Everyone deserves a wonderful and awesomelife in the college. I am highly in favor of supporting the social activitiesof students, which enriches their life, stimulates their minds and gains highreputation for the college.

深水猫

Life is supposed to be colorful and exciting in the college, which claims that more support should be offered by the college administration to enable the students to have more opportunities in doing（to do吧，为什么用in doing）their social activities. Three reasons will be listed to demonstrate my opinion.



(first and foremost,)It is considered that the university is the right place for cultivating advanced(advanced 形容人不是年长的意思么？姑且用versatile吧) young adults. According to the professor in my sociology class, advance young adults need to be equipped with both wide range of knowledge and a rich experience in social activities. Taking the modern employment trend in to consideration, this group of students, usually called the integrated advanced young adults, is what the employers most wanted. In this sense, it is a fundamental responsibility of the college to support the students’ social activities.

In addition, the students’ studying efficiency can become higher when their study life is associated with different kinds of social activities. Recently, a research（research最好说出研究的机构，随便编一个大学或者杂志都可以，显得比较学术） showed that it is a fascinating way to study with corresponding social activities. For an electronic engineering student, the social activity such as visiting an IT company might illuminate his or her idea（the student启迪某人就行了） about a subject he is working on. Another example(likewise), for a sociology student, the social activity such as doing a public survey may provide an abundant experience for(to) him or her. Students can be easily stimulated or encouraged in certain social activity, so the significance of social activity is apparent.



Last but not least, it demonstrates a positive image of the college administration(it似乎指代不清？可以用被动，positive image of the college administration could be demonstrated ) while the supervisors greatly support the students’ social activities. This can help the college to obtain a good reputation among students, hence, the college will stand a chance to attract more students come to this place to study. What’s more, more students implies wider range of social activities. Through this type of positive cycling, the college will improve greatly in（greatly improve） its academic status among other counterparts.(Consequently, ) It is apparently a wise choice for the college to support the students’ social activities.
Everyone deserves a wonderful and awesome life
in the college. I am highly in favor of supporting the social activities of students, which enriches their life, stimulates their minds and gains high reputation for the college (enables college to gain high reputation).


这位同学写的还是很不错的，由一些小的语法问题，当然我语法也不好，改得不对的地方见谅阿。。

在句式的多样性上还可以再加强一下，以我个人的经验，主动句实在说不清的话可以用一下被动句哈。。还有就是experience 是不可数的，不要因为前面有形容词就不小心加了a. 最后就是句子间的逻辑衔接可以再加强一下。以上。

sunchou

恩，非常感谢。我个人也觉得自己的句型和词汇多样性做得很不好，你有什么好建议没？

sunchou

2月20日作业

Integrated.题目：TPO1

The professorapparently disputes the ideas illustrated in the reading passage. In theprofessor's opinion, the option of a four-day workweek won't affect the workerand employers. The reasons are explained in three aspects.

  First, the reading passageindicates that the option of a four-day workweek would not result in additionalpayroll costs. However, the professor contradicts this view. In fact, thecompany will spend much more money on providing training, medical care, officespace and computers when more worker are employed.

  Second, the professor casts doubton the reducing of unemployment rate. He claims that the company managers willweigh their expectation between the four-day's work and five-day's work. It islikely that the employers would choose the workers to work overtime. As aresult, no additional jobs are available and the current jobs of workers becomeworse.

  Last, the professor disagreeswith the idea that the option of a four-day workweek would be better forindividual employees. Workers might risk reducing their work quality because ofthe more free time. Young employees may end in losing their jobs.

  In conclusion, the professorcontradicts the points mentioned in the reading passage. The option of afour-day workweek won't do good for both the employers and the employees.

Independent. 题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Your job has greater happiness than your social work does.
  With the development of civilization, peoplein society are assigned different types of jobs to fulfill. Besides, people areassigned with social work with or without their conscious. In my opinion, myjob has greater happiness than my social work does. The idea will be illustratedas following.
  Basically, as a human being in a highlydeveloped economic society, I obtain a lot of happiness from my job because itoffers money. Obviously, it is not money but the credit and emotional awardafter the accomplishment of a job that delights me. Absolutely, the social workI undertake contributes happiness to me as well, it is just a little lessstimulating compared with the happiness brought by my job. That’s why my jobhas greater happiness than my social work dose.
  In addition, it is not only the money butalso the sense of value that can entertain you. It is widely acknowledged thata young man should equip with a wide range of knowledge as well as a strongsense of responsibility to contribute his energy to construct the country. Thatis a highly praised value. How can we contribute to construct our county, theanswer is getting a job. For example, being a teacher, you will feel proud tocommunicate knowledge to the next generation that may change the whole world.What’s more, being a city cleaner, you are highly appreciated to build a cleanand comfortable living environment for the citizen. Life is going to illuminatecolorful shining once you have get a job.
  At last, having jobs generates positiveinfluence on the social improvement. Jobs are imperative in social life and itis obvious that people would become inspired by others who obtain good job. Itis like a competition in a race, no one is willing to be left behind. With thehelp of this positive recycling, small communities get the energy to moveforward. In long term, the whole country even the world obtains the powerharnessed from their residents to move forward.
  Because of the reasons I mentioned above, myjob has greater happiness than my social work does. It turn out to be fascinatingif everyone could stand a chance to find a job on the colorful way of life.

renehan

黄色：赞; 红色：错误; 蓝色：建议;

The professor apparently disputes the ideas illustrated in thereading passage. In (upon) the professor’sopinion, the option of a four-day workweek won't affect the worker (workers) and employers (and前后并列的短语最好平衡一致). The reasons are explained inthree aspects.

首段构架清晰明了，建议再扩展一些。这样短的话，模板痕迹相对就重一些。

 First, the reading passage indicates that theoption of a four-day workweek would not result inadditional payroll costs / increase company profits（阅读段明确说明profits,不好和听力段混搭）. However, the professor contradicts this view(这句要再加工些内容进去，this view一个词有点太空洞。而且和后面in fact转折太生硬Because ensuring the same amount of work performedin the five-day workweek requires hiring more four-day workweek employees to do. Consequently, the companies may spend much more money to add new workers). In fact, thecompany will spend much more money on providing training, medical care, officespace and computers when more workers are employed.

 Second, the professor casts doubt on the reducing (我不确定reducing这里的动名词用法正确不，你要是有出处依据，可以教我下。不过我查到有文章这样用。) of unemployment rate. He claims that the company managers （最好去掉）will weigh their expectationbetween the four-day's (days) work and five- day's (days) work. It is likely that (我也很喜欢用itis…that句型) the employers would choose (to ask or let, 不然句子意思不通) the workers to work overtime. As a result, no additional jobs are available and thecurrent jobs of workers become worse.

 Last, the professor disagrees with the idea (同义词可以多准备些模板) that the option of a four-dayworkweek would be better for individual employees. Workers might risk reducingtheir work quality because of the more free time. Young employees may end inlosing their jobs.

 In conclusion, the professor contradicts thepoints mentioned in the reading passage. The option of a four-day workweekwon't do well for both the employers and the employees.

文章组织结构上没有问题。只有一点建议，短文针对公司，社会，个人，三个方面。你的三个分段也是按照这个顺序走的，但是首段和尾段总结的时候，把社会方面给丢了，最好都要概括到。

主要问题: 三个小分段的内容要再丰满些。加多些听力里的反驳细节。加油！