[求助]第一次写作文，请大侠们看看，改改，大恩不言谢啊！

mirroret

096 People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

 

As a number of a modern society, people have to learn and find a most suitable way to reduce pressure and stress come from work, study and other aspects. My favorite activity is reading.

 

Before went to university, I have grown up in a small city which has a few entertainments, but my father and aunt have collected kinds of literature, including historical, physical, and science fiction. So reading is the most convenient and speedy way to contact the outer world. In fact, it is. Every day after class, as soon as I have a book, I enter a fantastic world fills with heroes, ETs or thinkers.

 

This early experience deeply influenced me and fosters a lifestyle. Either the period of college life or travelling domestically, reading is like a common sense as to me. All of thoughts, fantasy or trends which get from book enlighten me and give me insights and strengths in life. After graduation, I choose to work and live in shanghai city, the biggest city in china, without family support and to chase dream. Indeed, a lot of difficulties emerged, but reading just like a lifesaving channel, eliminating pressure and recharging me.

 

What is more, reading brings friend for me. For instance, viky, my first friend in shanghai city, is also the fans of great gatesby. We often see each taking a walk in the little garden, but never talk. Fortunately, we begin to chat in a day which I was reading that book and have an animating nightfall. That is a friendship begins.

 

I think I am lucky to fix reading into my life.

xiaoxiong123

As a number of a（去掉） modern society, people have to
                （这里用了have to, 个人觉得前面应该说为什么have to, 比如随着社会的进步，竞争越来越激烈，人们面临前所未有的压力，然后再接这句）learn and find a most suitable way to reduce pressure and stress come from work, study and other aspects. （这里应该把题目改写一下，说有些人喜欢这样relax，又有些人喜欢那样,然后陈诉自己的观点）My favorite activity is reading.

Before went to university, (这个看起来很怪，就用when I was young就可以了)I 
                                have grown up （growed up） in a small city which had a few entertainment facilities,(要具体说一下，比如没有电影院，没有公园，没有图书馆，所以基本没有啥娱乐项目来relax) but my father and aunt
                        have (had) collected different kinds of literature, including historical, physical, and science fictions. So reading is the most convenient and speedy way for me to contact with the outer world. In fact, it is. (这句话放在这里没有任何意义，去掉把) Every day after class, as soon as I had a book, I entered a fantastic world fills with heroes, ETs or thinkers.

楼主说过去的事情的时候要注意时态

lingren0465

呵呵，其实我的作文也不好。但就楼主的作文来说，我觉得有不少地方有思维跳跃。个人觉得ETS并没有要求大家写出多么观点出新的作文，只是要求大家能够把一件事情娓娓道来，看起来MAKE SENSE就OK。

This early experience deeply influenced me and fosters a lifestyle. （前后两句之间我觉得缺一个过渡句）Either the period of college life or travelling domestically, reading is like a common sense as to me. All of thoughts, fantasy or trends which get from book enlighten me and give me insights and strengths in life. After graduation, I choose to work and live in shanghai city, the biggest city in china, without family support and to chase dream（这句话看着特突兀，感觉跟题目没关系）. Indeed, a lot of difficulties emerged, but reading just like a lifesaving channel, eliminating pressure and recharging me.

What is more（这个过渡用得不合适，前面并没有FURTHERMORE之类的）, reading brings friend for me. For instance, viky, my first friend in shanghai city, is also the fans of great gatesby. We often see each taking a walk in the little garden, but never talk（你这句话直接写你们是通过读书认识的就OK，这么写我们能明白你想说啥，但估计老外就觉得晕，不知道你想说啥）. Fortunately, we begin to chat in a day which I was reading that book and have an animating nightfall. That is a friendship begins. （我觉得后面你再说点你们的友谊怎么怎么好，会更好）。

最后一段结尾应该再扩展一下，这样太“简洁”了。

[此贴子已经被作者于2009/10/15 16:04:43编辑过]