argument 69 求拍！

tv加菲

题目是：
he following appeared in a memo from a vice president of a large, highly diversified company.
"Ten years ago our company had two new office buildings constructed as regional headquarters for two regions. The buildings were erected by different construction companies—Alpha and Zeta. Although the two buildings had identical floor plans, the building constructed by Zeta cost 30 percent more to build. However, that building's expenses for maintenance last year were only half those of Alpha's. In addition, the energy consumption of the Zeta building has been lower than that of the Alpha building every year since its construction. Given these data, plus the fact that Zeta has a stable workforce with little employee turnover, we recommend using Zeta rather than Alpha for our new building project, even though Alpha's bid promises lower construction costs."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


我写的：
At first glance, the vice president’s allegation seems convincing. However, I seriously doubt the credibility of his claim when taking a second thought. The facts raised by the vice president as evidence to support such conclusion that the company should take Zeta as their partner in the construction of a new building are unwarranted without further investigation.

The vice president has paid too much attention on the mere fact that Alpha cost 30% more than Zeta, and neglects that Alpha will take less than Zeta in the new building project nowadays. Actually, spending more money than Zeta does not mean Alpha's ability in construction cannot compete with Zeta. Possibly, Alpha has greatly improved during the past ten years and does a much better job than Zeta today. There is also another probability that Alpha did better than Zeta then years ago, and the cause of spending more money was due to regional difference rather than its own capacity.

The cost of maintaining is also used as evidence, which is even more invalid than the first statement, because we have no idea about the situation of the two buildings now. Fist, the simplest statistics knowledge tells us true situation cannot be relied on data of just one year, which is actually what the vice president did. On the other hand, the using situation of buildings affects much more on the maintaining fee than how the buildings were made. If the building constructed by Alpha is rented to several companies and under use all the time while the other building keeps empty recently, the maintain cost will absolutely differs from each other.

As to the energy part, taking the amount of energy used every year as evidence is not appropriate, while what really matters is energy using efficiency. The reason why the building constructed by Alpha uses more energy may be that the company rented this building is focused on internet program development and nearly all of the staff needs to use computer during workdays. Yet who works in the Zeta's building is master in sales business and almost half of the employees' time is spent out of the building. Under such circumstances, one should not blame Alpha for building things that waste energy.

At the same time, the vice president strangely keeps blind to the fact that even though Zeta today does do a better job than Alpha, there are also other construction companies in the market to be considered. The company should not be limited between Zeta and Alpha, and looking for some other construction companies may bring surprises. I understand the there must be reasons why the company chose Zeta and Alpha ten years ago, but they are likely to have become less competitive nowadays.

Thus, if the company wants to find out what will be the best choice, further research is definitely needed. The conclusion based on statistics and information which in not enough or precise is unwarranted. At the same time, the company should broaden their eyesight when looking for the right partner.

求狠拍！

普渡哥

段落之间的过渡不明显，这样就会很松散，读的人很难follow.

竹林中人

第一段你可以概括下题目中的支持性理由，这样更好。
你的内容和论证还是很好的，继续努力！